Depression. Anxiety. PTSD. Bipolar. All terms I have heard in the last year as people try to explain what’s wrong with me. I’m 21 and just now receiving the help I needed 6 years ago. I started cutting when I was 15. It was my way of controlling my world that was quickly spiraling downwards. When I started high school, I put so much of my self-worth in the people around me. I needed a boyfriend, and I wasn’t picky or cautious. A year into my first relationship, I was raped. I had that gift taken from me by someone I thought loved me. So here’s life knocking me down another notch, and the depression became accompanied by shame and guilt.
I learned to hide my cuts, and began to think that sex was no longer special. I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend and the rampaging depression from everyone. When I was being used, I accepted it because it was the only way I felt like I meant anything. I was slowly losing my relationship with God. But I didn’t care because I felt abandoned.
I was then violently raped by another boyfriend. At that point I felt completely alone. I still went to church because I ran sound for the band, and it was something I loved to do, but I wasn’t there for the right reasons. I still hadn’t learned my lesson with men, and entered an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I was forced to cut ties with my family and friends. I started suffering from anxiety attacks and could feel the suicidal thoughts start to become stronger. I finally got out of the relationship, but my depression was so severe that I couldn’t control my cutting and suicidal thoughts. I was angry. Angry at my situation, angry at him, but mostly angry at God. How could he let this happen to me? I entered counseling and was diagnosed with PTSD. When things weren’t getting better, I entered an outpatient day therapy program through the hospital. I refused God and his love because I couldn’t forgive myself and because I blamed him for my problems.
Fast forward to now, almost a year later, with a DUI, drug habits, and a self-loathing that I couldn’t control, I finally called out for help. My rage at God had manifested itself in my everyday life and I became violent towards my family. I was at my breaking point and I couldn’t handle it on my own. I prayed and prayed for an answer to my problems and one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. God wasn’t the cause of my problems in life… I was. I had turned away from the one that loved me through all of my mistakes and had the grace I needed to accept. I find out soon if I have bipolar disorder, and I’m praying constantly for an answer along with the strength to accept God’s forgiveness and his unending love.
We are all deserving of the grace that he offers, including me. This imperfect, abused, and beat down person is deserving of grace. Deserving of love. And most importantly, forgiveness. Learning that lesson has been the hardest one to grasp in the midst of everything I’ve been dealing with. But we, as his children, need to ask for it before it can be given. Only then does He know that we are ready to receive it. So I pray not only for myself, but for everyone struggling in their life, to reach out and accept His grace and love, because YOU are worth it. YOU are deserving of it. And so am I.
In His name,
~Taber
This post was originally published on Heart Support, it has been reused with permission by The Heart Support Team. Jake Luhrs, lead singer of Grammy-nominated metal band, August Burns Red, created Heart Support as a place where every music fan can heal and grow stronger.
We're thrilled to announce a new partnership that will bring our resources in front of The Mighty's wide-reaching readership. We will now have a home on The Mighty and appear on many stories on the site.
The Mighty is a story-based health community focused on improving the lives of people facing disease, disorder, mental illness and disability. More than half of Americans are facing serious health conditions or medical issues. They want more than information. They want to be inspired. The Mighty publishes real stories about real people facing real challenges.
Here are some examples of the kind of stories on The Mighty:
The Mighty’s goal is to publish stories that could change the path of someone’s day and improve the lives of people facing disease, disorder, and disability. The Mighty was started because they wanted something more than what was already out there. They wanted a place that deals with the emotional part of these struggles, the day-to-day challenges, the disappointments, the small wins and the milestones.
If you create an account on The Mighty, you can set up your own feed based on the topics you want to read about. And there are so many topics. They have an A-Z list of conditions to choose from. So if you are facing a disease, disability or disorder, even a rare condition or disease, it is probably covered so check out their extensive list.
If you listen to my radio show you know that I’m a pretty straight shooter. I call it like it is. Sometimes it can come across harshly, but I’m often dealing with life and death situations and I don’t have time to sugar coat things, especially when someone calls who is addicted to drugs. Lately, the majority of drug-related calls I receive are from people addicted to pain-killers otherwise know as opioids. I often straight up tell them they are going to die because it’s the hard truth and someone needs to tell them. We are facing an opioid epidemic and we need to wake up.
Just listen to this call from Daniel. He’s reaching a breaking point as he is now up to 30 pills a day!
Opioids are a group of drugs often used for treating pain. However, when they are abused, the statistics are alarming.
Substance abuse is characterized by an inability to stop using drugs, alcohol, or other harmful substances. You may hide your using from others, and you may find yourself becoming very angry when others express concern.
Here are the cold facts according to the Department of Health and Human Services:
I’m not going to mince words in this blog either. You need to hear this. Prescription pain-relievers like Oxycontin, Oxycodone, Codeine, Hydrocodone, Methadone, Fentanyl are dangerous. They are nothing to experiment with. Taking your friends’ or parents’ prescription drugs is like playing with fire. These drugs can be highly addictive, and once hooked, it is extremely difficult to break the addiction.
Once addicted you often need a stronger dose to experience the same high and many users end up turning to illegal heroin. In fact, nearly 80 percent of Americans using heroin reported misusing prescription opioids prior to using heroin. And as the stats above indicate, abusing these drugs can kill you. So there’s my warning…DON’T DO IT. Just don’t go there. EVER.
Now – if you have been taking an opioid and you are wondering if you may be addicted here are some questions to ask yourself:
1. Has your use of opioids increased over time?
2. Do you experience withdrawal symptoms when you stop using?
3. Do you use more than you would like, or more than is prescribed?
4. Have you experienced negative consequences to your using?
5. Have you put off doing things because of your drug use?
6. Do you find yourself thinking obsessively about getting or using your drug?
7. Have you made unsuccessful attempts at cutting down your drug use?
If you answered yes to at least three of those questions, then you are addicted to opioids. (Reference:www.AddictionsAndRecovery.org)
To those reading this who are already hooked, let’s talk about how you can get help because there is help available and recovery is possible.
Once again, I’ll be honest, from all the personal stories I’ve heard and the research I’ve done, it’s going to be a hard journey, but YOU CAN DO IT with help. You cannot do it alone. You must tell someone.
In this call I took from Jackie, I had to get pretty blunt with her. She wanted me to tell her she was going to be o.k. and that she would get better, but she was still lying to her parents and trying to hide it. So I had to straight up tell her I didn’t think she was going to get better, unless she admitted to her parents that she had a problem. Take a listen.
Opioid addicts must seek treatment because breaking this type of addiction will take much more than just willpower. Opioid withdrawal is both physically painful and psychologically difficult.
To treat the physical withdrawal symptoms, there are medications that can help reduce the side-effects and increase the chances of success. I encourage you to look into these with a doctor.
Once you have detoxed and made it through the physical effects of breaking the addiction, it is important to seek counseling. 12-step programs such as those at Narcotics Anonymous have a proven track record of helping people on the road to recovery.
An opioid addiction re-wires your brain and the anxiety and obsession that occur when breaking free are as difficult to endure as the physical discomfort. Your brain has been taught to believe that you can’t be happy without the drug. This is why relapse often occurs. Stress is a common trigger as well as social situations that remind the user of the drug’s pleasure. The brains reward pathways need to be retrained. It will take some time for them to return to a normal functioning state, but it is possible and worth the struggle. It is important to surround yourself with strong people who will hold you accountable.
Bottom line. I care for you and want you healthy and alive. While the journey may be tough I fully believe that everything is possible with God’s help. So pray for strength and courage and a good support system. I encourage you to ask others to pray for you as well. We have a network of Prayer Champions on TheHopeLine prayer page that are waiting to pray for you. If you put your trust in God, He will never leave you.
For more information on breaking addictions, download our free Understanding Substance Abuse eBook.
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/breaking-an-addiction-to-painkillers-treatment-overvew#1
https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/heroin
https://www.cdc.gov/drugoverdose/epidemic/index.html
If you are feeling lonely, you are not alone. Kind of ironic, but true. The world is full of lonely people. In fact, loneliness is on the rise. Research shows that the rate of loneliness in the U.S. has doubled over the past thirty years. Today about 40% of Americans (60 million) report being lonely. In the 1980s, it was only 20%. (General Social Survey).
For some reason in this world full of people, we are struggling to find friends and make relationships that last.
Being lonely is a sad and unhealthy way to live. To be happy we need intimate bonds with others. We need to have people we can confide in. We need people who will support us and people whom we can support in return. We are created to live in community.
If you are finding yourself struggling with feelings of loneliness, let me encourage you that this does not have to be a permanent issue, and there are things you can do to fight against it.
Seasons of mild loneliness are totally normal. There are situations in everyone’s life that leave us feeling lonely. These seasons can be caused by a number of situations.
Situational loneliness is temporary, because situations change over time.
Chronic loneliness on the other hand is a continual state of feeling lonely with no end in sight. You have a void of real emotional bonds with anyone that you can trust and confide in.
Let me warn you, it can be easy to wallow in a state of situational loneliness to the point that you let it turn into chronic loneliness. It is important to take steps to fight against the feelings of loneliness before it becomes a chronic problem for both mental and physical health reasons.
When you start to feel lonely you can also start to feel ashamed, and then you can start to think of yourself as a loser. If you allow yourself to believe that you may become reluctant to meet new people and before you know it you are stuck in a lonely state.
Licensed psychologist, author and speaker, Guy Winch, PhD, says, “Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us think that those around us care much less than they actually do. It also makes us afraid to reach out because we don’t want to set ourselves up for rejection and heartache when our heart is already aching.”
Feeling lonely, what can you do?
To begin with let’s acknowledge that loneliness is a FEELING not a fact. You can have all kinds of people in your life and still FEEL lonely. So here are 10 tips to help you move past this feeling.
1. Realize you are not unusual - As the statistics show, you are not alone in feeling lonely. 40% of people are just like you. This doesn’t make the feeling any easier, but it may help to know you are normal and not unusual.
2. Let loneliness remind you of the value of connecting with others. Don’t give up on the importance of connecting with others. Let this feeling motivate you to seek relationships.
3. Identify your lonely thoughts. Write down some of the negative thoughts that you have when you are lonely. Do you think things like: “I will always be alone”, “If I am alone, I have to feel lonely and unhappy.”, “I must be a loser, because I am alone.” “No one must like me. Something must be wrong with me.” If so, try to come up with rational responses to those thoughts:
4. Use Alone Time Wisely – If you find yourself alone, you can choose to dwell in your loneliness or attempt to use your alone time to do a solo activity that you enjoy and become good at it. Maybe it’s reading, cooking, baking, golfing, fishing, etc.. Then use your new skill as a way to connect with others. Find a group with similar interests or use it as a conversation starter when you meet new people.
5. Get Off-Line - The internet can make us feel lonely because we attempt to substitute real relationships with online relationships. Though we temporarily feel better when we engage others virtually, these connections tend to be superficial and ultimately dissatisfying. Yet lonely people can exert so much energy to feel connected on-line that they don’t put forth effort to build off-line, fulfilling relationships. Additionally, the internet can get in the way when you are actually with someone in person, but you are both constantly on your phones. Meaningful conversation still won’t occur if you are both on-line.
6. Don’t miss positive social cues - Lonely people can be so wrapped up in their feelings of loneliness that they are less able to pick up on positive social cues, like others’ attention and or signals from others that they are willing to commit to a friendship. Without picking up on these cues, lonely people withdraw prematurely. Open your eyes and look for what others may be communicating to you.
7. Fight the emotional habit of loneliness - Realize you are dealing with an emotional habit and be willing to do the hard work of combating it. Invite someone out or initiate a conversation. It will be worth it. The emotion of loneliness can pass, depending on what you're thinking and what you're doing.
8. Focus on the needs and feelings of others. Shifting your focus from how bad you’ve got it to how you can bless others will go a long way in combating loneliness.
9. Develop realistic expectations – If you are expecting a new friend to call you constantly or spend time together daily, or share every detail of their life, you may be disappointed. Your friendship is not diminished if your time together is limited. People have busy lives and are balancing many relationships and work or school. Don’t give up on a relationship just because they aren’t able to give as much as you expect.
10. Remember you are never truly alone - it is important for us to know that we are never truly alone. God promises to never abandon us and to always be with us and strengthen and help us and uphold us. If you are facing a season of feeling isolated, turn to God. Learn to trust Him through prayer and reading the Bible. Welcome His presence into your life.
You can do this! Put yourself out there, make new friends or renew old friendships. You will be so happy you did!
