Dawson’s Blog

Falling In Love With Your Best Friend

best-friends, romantic relationship?Friendships are one of life’s greatest joys, with it we find someone we can share our heart with — someone who understands and accepts us just the way we are. It is a tremendous gift when we can have deep friendship with someone from the opposite sex. There is so much to learn and respect about both genders. But at times these opposite sex friendships can also be a great challenge. One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex. The feelings are so intense, and the fear of revealing them can be paralyzing.

One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex.

The Gut-wrenching Challenges to Secretly Loving your Best Friend

Laura reveals the gut-wrenching challenges she’s facing being secretly in love with her best guy friend: It’s been really hard because sometimes it seems like he likes me and sometimes it seems very obvious that we’re just friends.’ It’s torn my heart up on several occasions. I’m currently trying to get over him, because it’s just too hard to love him from a distance. I don’t want to lose our friendship as we’ve been through a lot together in the years we’ve known each other, but I’d rather save my heart for someone who I know is going to give me his heart fully in return.

It’s okay to have feelings of love because of the trust you share with your best friend, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are in love.

But it does mean you have the ingredients to develop awesome love which could turn into great marriage. Someone once said great friends make great lovers. The longer you’re friends, the more stable your relationship is going to be.

A lot of good friends can do things that romantic partners cannot. Friends usually say what they need to say to each other without fear, and good friends are more likely to be spontaneous with their activities.


Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
How To Know It’s Really Love
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy


When you start to feel you are desiring more than just a casual friendship with your best friend and you’re not sure what to do next, let me offer you some advice that could strengthen both your relationship and your love for each other.

Don’t rush into [a romantic] relationships with your best friend…many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your [other] friends.

You might feel like you have to spill your guts/all your thoughts and feelings to the other person as soon as you start to feel something. That’s usually a mistake. Javier agrees: This girl and me have known each other for nearly seven years and we have been close friends for about three. Eventually, we did start liking each other and we went out for a month and a few weeks. After that relationship ended, I didn’t feel very hurt or sad. It was odd. I found myself being freer and I got to thinking: Don’t rush into [a romantic] relationship with your best friend…many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your [other] friends.

Find another good friend you can trust, someone with whom you can verbalize your deep emotions about your best friend with whom you are in love. This other friend will help you continue to show the self-control of letting a good friendship grow into an even deeper friendship. Hold your emotions, get them out in a healthy way with another friend. Why chance ruining a good thing, at least for now?

Friendship IS the start of a Real Romance

On the other hand, after you’ve been a good friend with him/her for some time, you should be able to read their moods. You should be able to get some sense as to whether or not the friendship has developed into more of a romance for him/her, as well as yourself. If you see these signs, you might want to begin to talk about them with the good friend you so deeply love. After all, good friends should be able to talk about nearly anything.

Find another good friend you can trustsomeone with whom you can verbalize your deep emotions about your best friend with whom you are in love.

I think Jane has a great perspective: The only time I would recommend someone to reveal their feelings is if they are SURE it is mutual. A really honest friendship will often develop into love without any conscious effort. And if he doesn’t love’ you, isn’t having a REAL, HONEST, CARING guy friend better than a boyfriend that might leave you at any moment? Friends are people who you don’t have to constantly worry about leaving you for no reason. And if he cares for you and stands up for you, he already loves you in a way already. 

First and foremost, good friends should know how much each person values the other. We make the mistake of demanding that many of our relationships be all or nothing romantically. Whether the good person you are in love with ends up marrying you or not, you have had the joy of experiencing real love.

Real Love

Real love is rich, pure and self-sacrificing. To experience that kind of love with anybody is a priceless gift. May God bless you as He shows you whether your best bf/gf will become your life’s partner. In the meantime, enjoy the moment, they seldom come.

More Resources:
Still wondering if it is real love? Read How To Know It’s Really Love.

Need some ideas on how to begin dating one another? Download this free eBook.

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • Viola

    I think you shouldnt hold yourself when you are falling in love with your own best friend. He/she might feel the same way but afraid to tell you in the first place.
    I am in this position right now, after 17years (!) of really good friendship. He is my bestfriend in life. We’ve known each other’s family since University. Many sleep overs and camping, yet I did not have any feelings for him. He once did try to flirt when we were in University but I have always told him and considered him as a brother.
    Years went by, we both are geographically apart, yet still taking time to give news and update each other. Recently he came to visit and we spent great time as usual. That is when I realise that now love starts to grow inside me.
    Nothing is eternal, things evolve with time, we all grow, love grows over time. Life is short. Tell your bestfriend if you do fall in love with them. Dont play games nor wait to see if it is mutual. If he/she is your real bestfriend, irregardless how they feel about you, you should not worry nor have doubt! he/she will always be there as your friend or lover. Trust me.

    • Diana

      But you know there’s always this fear of losing your friendship… And when you’re a girl you will want your guy friend to be the one to confess first…in my case I am completely in love…but I don’t know about him…he keeps telling me that he can’t imagine life without me…and we just had a conversation concerning this in which both of us admitted that we were ready to stay single for each other cause my bf or his gf won’t let us talk…and none of us have ever been in a relationship before so I’m a bit confused… I have no idea what I should do…and I really don’t want it to continue this way till we get married and get settled…seriously?! Something needs to happen!!

  • Arvie Jay Jocson

    My bestfriend said she love me,but she fears of loosing me..she fears that f we broke up one day,things will b different..& which is im not the type of guy when it comes to her..thats why even with a 13yrs of sharing life with her & her family still we never moved forward to another stage..
    Im going crazy thinking what to tell her or what to do to show her that loosing me will never happen..

    -can someone give me advices on what to do..???

  • Avy Fabros

    There’s this guy that I really like, who’s not really part of our circle of friends. Days after I confessed my feelings to my friends, he suddenly became part of our circle. I don’t want to push him away, because I know how painful that is. we became really close, to the point that he knows even my darkest secrets. And one day I found myself longing for his presence, wanting to him to comfort me, and not caring whether he returns my feelings or not.
    I don’t actually know if its love, but whatever I’m feeling I don’t actually want to confess because that would ruin our friendship.

  • pradeep gowda

    If ur really a best friend to him/her then no matter what you can never have a romantic feel…………….

    • Billo

      hmmm -_-

  • Lauren

    This article isn’t very good it has a lot of flaws first off no you should never be friends with someone your in love with its not a good idea and yeah I have had to do that I mean the friend will only hurt you if they talk about the person they have a crush on or are dating so really cutting the ties is best in that situation

  • Mardi Gutti

    I can really relate myself to Laura here. I have a close friend for 11 years but we’ve really known each other for 14 years. On the third year of being friends we became very close like we often do things together such as singing on a guitar and jogging too. We have a good relationship like almost brothers and sisters. As time goes by, he needed to go to another school and I was left behind that he didn’t even personally told me. That time I started to feel that something was really missing. Then before he came back to our hometown, I decided to go somewhere far too but I texted him. I got no reply but at least he knew where I was going. There almost every night I was crying. I really missed him so much like the last thing in my mind before I go to bed and the first name in my mind after walking up is him. I can see his face almost at every corner. That was a real struggle for me. For quite a long time we didn’t keep in touch. The feeling I had went on as the days went by. I tried to detach myself from him because I don’t want the feeling to progress because I think there’s no way he would feel like mine. He had girlfriends. Then recently, we meet again in our hometown .We’re getting close together again. We sometimes talk about things we did in the past. Now we sometimes play instruments together and sing together however the feeling that I used to suppress is getting stronger. When I’m with him, I feel so free and happy with our casual conversation and exchanging of jokes but the moment I’m alone in bed, I always catch myself in tears. I’m hurt. I felt like I’m cheating on him. I really want this feeling to end but the more I get rid of it the tighter I get entangled. I don’t understand why it hurts that much. How can I be freed form this pain?

  • Saurabh Mishra

    Is it really?

    • Anonymous

      I would imagine so, whoever invented the “friend zone” is an idiot. I’m not saying all friendships equal good relationships, but some can be really freaking cute

  • lamin

    hello

    • Billo

      hello

  • lamin

    hello my friends how are u doing nice to meet u

  • Billo

    hi , i would really like to have some piece of advice about my situation, I’ve fallen in love with my best girl friend , i don’t feel like it’s an ordinary kind of care , i just cannot stop thinking about her . The fact is that i told her about my real feelings but she didn’t want to get involved in it because of one failed relation she had already, and she says she doesn’t want me to seffer like she did, and she doesn’t want me to seffer as i did in my first love story , but although we’re still best friends, and my love for her always increases,

  • mary

    I could use some advise

  • mary

    I have a best friend that wasn’t my best friend at first . It was only supposed to be a sex thing but now over a year later we both agree that our friendship is more important then the sex , but I already have feelings for him and there is a 13 year age difference and he claims that’s why he won’t have a relationship with me. But when I speak of moving on he seems jealous and I can tell he has some feelings for me. Maybe his feelings aren’t as deep as mine but I can tell he has some. We text all the time hang out all the time and everything he says he looking for in a woman I am that person but he doesn’t like the age difference so I don’t know what to do.

  • euge aldape

    I feel the same way i just really love him and i cant just go away i know what you are feeling its the worst knowing that the person you loved for 4 years does not love you back and your are always there for him when he needs help or someone to talk to im lost i dont know what to do …..

  • Mardi Gutti

    I can really relate myself to Laura here. I have a close friend for 11 years but we’ve really known each other for 14 years. On the third year of being friends we became very close like we often do things together such as singing on a guitar and jogging too. We have a good relationship like almost brothers and sisters. As time goes by, he needed to go to another school and I was left behind that he didn’t even personally told me. That time I started to feel that something was really missing. Then before he came back to our hometown, I decided to go somewhere far too but I texted him. I got no reply but at least he knew where I was going. There almost every night I was crying. I really missed him so much like the last thing in my mind before I go to bed and the first name in my mind after walking up is him. I can see his face almost at every corner. That was a real struggle for me. For quite a long time we didn’t keep in touch. The feeling I had went on as the days went by. I tried to detach myself from him. didn’t want the feeling to progress because I think there’s no way he would feel alike. He had girlfriends. Then recently, we meet again in our hometown .We’re getting close together again. We sometimes talk about things we did in the past. Recently, we sometimes play instruments together and sing together however the feeling that I used to suppress is getting stronger. When I’m with him, I feel so free and happy with our casual conversation and humor exchanges but the moment I’m alone in bed, I always catch myself in tears. I’m hurt. I felt like I’m cheating on him. I really want this feeling to end but the more I get rid of it the tighter I get entangled. I don’t understand why it hurts that much. Before he went away again for his job, I finally met his girlfriend. I talked with her at least even encouraged her and give pieces of advice. Not a month later , apparently I knew that he’s planning to marry with her in his 30th. And that is very soon because he’s turning 29th in October this year. We’ll somehow I felt better in a sense that maybe these reasons are enough to convince myself to stop, take the different route, dream new dreams, reach new goals, and create my own story without him.

  • jayaimz

    Right where do I start!

    Really do think my female bestfriend is the love of my life! We started working together about 7 years ago, both was in situations so it was purely platonic relationship..we connected on so many different levels..lunched everyday..spoke everyday..and even sat in silence (comfortably) our partners even met! ..we are now both single coincidently..I think deep down I always knew she was the one I wanted and I think it may be mutual but the relationship as friends is one of which I’ve never EVER had before, I’d hate to lose that….this last year however I’ve been doing a lot of self development and reading and I’m going for it! This weekend in fact..who knows what I’m going to say!! I’m excited either way it’s time to man up..! 😀 ..wish me luck

  • Lauren

    People just end the friendship for good if it hurts you that bad no friendship is worth getting hurt over if you have feelings for someone and they don’t feel the same way then just tell them their a nice person but the friendship isn’t going to work out for you

  • cherriesandapples

    Hey, so did you ever ended up telling her the entire story? im kind of in the same situation, doubting what would be the best to do..

  • Victoria7588

    I am in this situation right now and I need some help. How do you know if your in love? I have a best friend. He says i’m his girl and I like that, but he only means i’m his best friend. I’m in 7th grade right now, i’v known him since the start of 6th. He is so cool and i’v never thought of him as more than a friend. But now whenever i see him I just feel different. He likes somebody else and when i’d say something flirty like “your so cute” he’d respond with a joke, and he would think i’m joking. I’ve tried to say I like him in a way that he would take the hint but he always thinks i am kidding.

  • Natalie

    I really don’t get how I feel. Me, and my good friend were best friends in 4th grade I never thought of him as a crush. We always played video games together, and I thought life couldn’t get any better. Then six grade started in August I saw him just a couple rooms down, and It felt electric it was like a needed to talk to him so we talked everyday for about a month, and I had a crush on him. It was the kind of crush were you would tell your friends about him, and practically drull over him thinking things like he’s so cute or omg I love his haircut you know. Any way another couple of monthes later I decided I wanted to stop having a crush on him, but for some reason I just couldn’t. We were still talking everyday, and then one day I just stopped thinking about him. I felt happy when we would be talking, but when I got over him finnaly that night at about one o clock in the morning I started balling my eyes out, and did it every phew nights, but still be happy when I saw him. Tonight I spent a long time looking at the moon thinking about him still crying. We’re still good friends, and I really don’t know what this is. Back in 4th grade on the last day of school they played ROAR by katy perry, and I still feel like crying everytime I hear that song.

  • Winter

    Omg green this is exactly my case . But I m currently trying out a relationship with him even though he is still not over the one who has hurt him so much . It sucks. But I will never be able to love anyone except him . He said everything your BFF said too earlier but now he confessed that he never loved me . I don’t know why did he do everything he did that made me fall in love with him in the first place . It was like my whole life falling apart . Shattering from the very beginning. It sucks it really does. I cried when I realized I was falling for him and I still do cuz I know he’did never love me if he hasn’t already in these 8 years

  • Chronic

    Many many years ago I was in love with someone and we could not marry. He got engaged while we were together and it really hurt but he kept coming back. I finally left the country and tried to get on with my life, though the pain and loss was still there. A few years ago I found him again. I knew that I still loved him and I think he still loved me. He called me regularly but his life was what it was with his wife and grown children. I am glad I never married him because he couldn’t give me what I deserved. And your friend cannot give you what you deserve. You deserve to be loved fully by a man, someone who you can build a good life with, who you can laugh with, someone you can build a family with. As painful as your situation is, and no matter how badly you feel, please be your own best friend. Take care of yourself first. Do not live for someone who cannot love you the way you should be loved. When you are healed from this man, you will become open to someone who really loves you and who you love. It will happen, but you need to rid yourself of what is inside you now because it is toxic.

  • Eli

    So there are these two guys.. The first one I had a major crush on for 4 years… But early this year I realized that I needed to stop obsessing over him cause that was just not healthy.. So I told him I liked him and he said he dint have any feelings for me at all except to be friends…. So then I just decided to get completely over him. Meanwhile his best friend had been in love with one of my good friends… But she did not like him.. So i was trying to help him get over her and tell him she dint like him but like… nicely… cause I dint want to hurt him… So then we start talking quite a bit… And as the months pasted we started talking like 3 or 4 times a week and now these past 3 or 4 months we have been talking like every single day at least once.. About 2 months ago I got back from a 2 month missions trip and went to a ranch where I live…. He was completely in love with this short terms girl from the States… And had me in the middle of him asking if she wanted to kiss him… When I had gotten back I had just started to have feelings for him… But he was in love with this girl… So i was like ok.. When she leaves and he forgets about her then he can be mine… So finally she leaves… And little by little my feelings start to grow… We start talking all the time and like hanging out whenever we are together in groups and stuff. Then recently one day… We held hands…. and like.. gahh…. It… was amazing… and since then we have held hands like 3 times…
    But here is the thing… I don’t think God wants me to marry him… And I don’t want to date someone I don’t have an intention of getting married with.. I know that sounds all old fashioned and everything… But I don’t think its worth the time and pain.. So like I don’t know what to do… Cause we are like already holding hands and I think a few people suspect we like each other… And I think the first guy i liked saw us holding hands once…. gahh Im so confused and don’t know what to do…. Its like I want to back out of this.. But I don’t know how.. and like i don’t want to loose our friendship cause its a good one… I don’t want to mess things up…

  • cam

    i have known her for 4 years and i liked her at the start of the 2nd year and we actually dated for about a month and in that time i feel in love with her but she broke up with me and i dont know what to do anymore,its just so hard. when ever i look at her all the feelings rush through me, and it hurts more then anything

  • unicornhorse 123

    What do I do I have my females best friend (im a girl) and she is pretty and drop dead gorgeous but she’s is my best friend what do I do???

  • Nasma

    I like my best friend but he really likes my best friend and im stating to get angry and sad and this is depressing me.Like my best friend sorta told me to stay away from him today im not so sure for real,though.And whenever im sad he doesn’t really notice me.And I sorta start the conversations,but he treats me like a true friend and my other friend told me he wrote a note to my best friend saying “Your the best thing that happened to me”.And i cant tell my parents because they will get mad at me.I dont know what to do and i dont wanna loose my two friends or change schools.Can someone help me? I cant keep this up any longer 🙁

  • bunnybear

    I have a best friend I’ve known for years. They once asked me out, and I turned them down, but that was because I wasn’t sure if I like them. I’m just extremely oblivious to my own feelings. However after they got a girlfriend I realized I’m not happy, and can’t tell if it’s because I’m no longer the one closest to them, or because I like them. They’re the lay person with whom I can have a bad hair day, and they’re the person to whom I’ll feed french fries as they drive from a fast food joint (since their hands are busy). They’re also the only person about whom if likely be able to answer just about every question, and they’re my top choice for a piggy back ride.

    • YulyIzWeiRd

      If they have a girlfriend and u see ’em kiss, do u feel like internally throwing up? Do u regret not liking them before they got a girlfriend? Because if u said yes to any of the 2 questions u do like them and have to come clear and tell them until it gets worst. U might feel better about telling them. And they may feel the same, single or not, some ppl just cant resist fallin in love. If they do turn u down and tell u its too late, then try to move on because that friendship will keep on and u dont have to worry or regret about anything. Life’s too short to ignore a feeling.

  • matz

    i am in a similar situation, my best friend jst left now and i sat there crying my eyes out , i jst love him too much but i cant tell him cause am rly scared that might damage our friendship , fact is im hurting myself a lot , and am breaking my own heart doing this , friends told me to distant myself from him but i just cant , smtimes i think i’d rather be in so much pain than being distant from him , and thats why i cant reveal my feelings for him , in a fear than he might distant himself from me , and i know i wont handle it.

    • Anonymous

      I had a similar problem. My best friend and I are so close, he knows my mind better than I do. But eventually I came to the inevitable conclusion that I loved him as more than my best friend. So I fought with my heart for 2 days before I blurted it out to him, rather publicly, too. His words were, and I quote, “I like you, too. You know I’m not an idiot?” While this may come across as harsh to most, I can see it as what it was meant to be, the reassurance I needed that he hadn’t misunderstood what I said to be meant as only a best friend. In the end we’re just best friends, but it’s better to keep nothing a secret from your best friend.

  • Millie

    I’ve had the same boy by my side for the past few years he has always been my shoulder to cry on and he is my bestfriend he once told me he liked me but that was a while back but now we seem to argue because I get so jealous of him when he goes with girls but I think I’m falling in love with him as I have never felt this way before considering the fact our family’s are kind of close. I just don’t know what to do because I don’t want to tell him and risk what we have now but if I do I could end up happier than ever before or full of regrets.

  • Jenna

    On Snapchat I did the thing where u could ask me anything you’d like and I have to respond truthfully so my best friend(crush) who I know his crush asked me to be honest and tell him who I like I hesitated at first like do I lie or do I speak truthfully so I told him the truth he took it rly well and responded with I totally get it tho I rly like her and I don’t know how I feel about u cause I’ve been so focus with her so it definitely opened up his mind and afterward we had a conversation and at the end when he had to go to bed well here’s how it went :

    BFF/Crush : Good night
    Me: Goodnight
    BFF/Crush : I love you
    Me: I love you too

    So it went very well and if anyone else get stuck in the scenario tell the truth and you may be surprised with the response

  • ThatGuy

    I was in love with my best friend for 1 year. Roughly new years eve 2015 to new years eve 2016. We talked everyday for almost 2 years and we through so many “i love you” and “❤”‘s around. We built a deep connection and bonded over so much, in our lives, what we aspire to be, etc. Truth is she made me so happy and i truly care about her. So i finally grew the courage to ask her out and boom, like that it was a yes and she told me she had liked me for a long time. So dont let your doubts about what they will think or say most likely they will like you back. todays date is 1.10.17 and i gotta say i loveithis relationship more than any other

  • Niteesh

    I’m 17 now and I’ve a girl friend and she’s my best and only friend. I don’t know what feelings she has for me, but, I think, she’d be perfect partner for me. We can’t talk face to face now, but I can still talk to her on phone and chat with her. I don’t know what do. If, she accepts when I propose her, it would be well and good. I fear of loosing her friendship too. I don’t know what to do. How shall I learn about the feelings she has for me. You guys are experienced in life and help me, please. I’m sure, that I won’t get any support from my parents as she is of different caste. I am depending on you. Please help me.

    • VLX

      Hello! How long have you two known each other? And by “propose”, do you mean in marriage?

  • Bill

    so I am only in highschool. I have a best friend and I am in love with her. We developed a good relationship for a solid two years. Lately I had felt that we were just clicking better then usual. I started to gain feelings for her. I really didn’t know what to do. I kept think about her constantly and then one night I finally said screw it and told her how I felt. She understood how I felt but did no feel the same way. Currently we aren’t talking because I said I needed some space. I want to be best friends with her again, but what happens when I’m still in love? What do I do?

  • Charlie

    I love my best friend, she has a great personality and she believes in God like me. I have told her I like her in the past just to get it off my chest, but she was dating someone else. She recently asked me if I still have feelings for her and I do but when she asked me, I said I do not know. Truth be told, I love her but I do not want to risk our friendship. She also said to me that she was going to move in six months for about three years. She also asked if we are cool, and I said yes. What do I do?

  • VLX

    It doesn’t matter if you’re straight/gay or whatever, the rules of love doesn’t change. Just keep in mind, that homosexuals are minority so it’s unlikely that your friend will have the same attraction.

    If your friendship is built on trust and honesty, I believe it can endure regardless of outcome.

  • daisy101

    i have a best friend thats a guy but hes a grade above me and goes to a different school, so we rarely get to see each other, but we text and talk on the phone all the time. lately i have just been feeling that me and him are drifting apart and not as close as we used to be. i dont want to bring it up because i always bring up problems and i sound needy and stuff. i dont know what to do because i dont know if he feels the same. what do i do??

  • disqus_3tFiVh1WIJ

    I am in the same boat as a bunch of people apparently…it’s so hard to not say anything isn’t it? especially when you aren’t sure and you see other girls talking to them,etc…I spend many sleepless nights going over things to try to know what’s in his mind. Some days I feel whatever happens happens and others i am on the edge of losing my mind trying to avoid just telling him.It’s such a delicate thing I definitely do not want to screw things up and lose the best friend i’ve ever had,but at the same time i know we would be so great together…at a loss!!

  • Henry

    I love her

  • Henry

    I love my best friend. She lives far away. I rarely see her but we text and talk often. I just saw her two days ago, and Im so depressed now. What should I do? I really miss her