Friendships are one of life’s greatest joys, with it we find someone we can share our heart with — someone who understands and accepts us just the way we are. It is a tremendous gift when we can have deep friendship with someone from the opposite sex. There is so much to learn and respect about both genders. But at times these opposite sex friendships can also be a great challenge. One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex. The feelings are so intense, and the fear of revealing them can be paralyzing.
One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex.
The Gut-wrenching Challenges to Secretly Loving your Best Friend
Laura reveals the gut-wrenching challenges she’s facing being secretly in love with her best guy friend: It’s been really hard because sometimes it seems like he likes me and sometimes it seems very obvious that we’re just friends.’ It’s torn my heart up on several occasions. I’m currently trying to get over him, because it’s just too hard to love him from a distance. I don’t want to lose our friendship as we’ve been through a lot together in the years we’ve known each other, but I’d rather save my heart for someone who I know is going to give me his heart fully in return.
It’s okay to have feelings of love because of the trust you share with your best friend, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are in love.
But it does mean you have the ingredients to develop awesome love which could turn into great marriage. Someone once said great friends make great lovers. The longer you’re friends, the more stable your relationship is going to be.
A lot of good friends can do things that romantic partners cannot. Friends usually say what they need to say to each other without fear, and good friends are more likely to be spontaneous with their activities.
When you start to feel you are desiring more than just a casual friendship with your best friend and you’re not sure what to do next, let me offer you some advice that could strengthen both your relationship and your love for each other.
Don’t rush into [a romantic] relationships with your best friend…many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your [other] friends.
You might feel like you have to spill your guts/all your thoughts and feelings to the other person as soon as you start to feel something. That’s usually a mistake. Javier agrees: This girl and me have known each other for nearly seven years and we have been close friends for about three. Eventually, we did start liking each other and we went out for a month and a few weeks. After that relationship ended, I didn’t feel very hurt or sad. It was odd. I found myself being freer and I got to thinking: Don’t rush into [a romantic] relationship with your best friend…many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your [other] friends.
Find another good friend you can trust, someone with whom you can verbalize your deep emotions about your best friend with whom you are in love. This other friend will help you continue to show the self-control of letting a good friendship grow into an even deeper friendship. Hold your emotions, get them out in a healthy way with another friend. Why chance ruining a good thing, at least for now?
Friendship IS the start of a Real Romance
On the other hand, after you’ve been a good friend with him/her for some time, you should be able to read their moods. You should be able to get some sense as to whether or not the friendship has developed into more of a romance for him/her, as well as yourself. If you see these signs, you might want to begin to talk about them with the good friend you so deeply love. After all, good friends should be able to talk about nearly anything.
Find another good friend you can trustsomeone with whom you can verbalize your deep emotions about your best friend with whom you are in love.
I think Jane has a great perspective: The only time I would recommend someone to reveal their feelings is if they are SURE it is mutual. A really honest friendship will often develop into love without any conscious effort. And if he doesn’t love’ you, isn’t having a REAL, HONEST, CARING guy friend better than a boyfriend that might leave you at any moment? Friends are people who you don’t have to constantly worry about leaving you for no reason. And if he cares for you and stands up for you, he already loves you in a way already.
First and foremost, good friends should know how much each person values the other. We make the mistake of demanding that many of our relationships be all or nothing romantically. Whether the good person you are in love with ends up marrying you or not, you have had the joy of experiencing real love.
Real love is rich, pure and self-sacrificing. To experience that kind of love with anybody is a priceless gift. May God bless you as He shows you whether your best bf/gf will become your life’s partner. In the meantime, enjoy the moment, they seldom come.
Still wondering if it is real love? Read How To Know It’s Really Love.