What to Do When Guy Says: “Date Me or I’ll Kill Myself?”

Ashley convinced a guy not to die by suicide. Then he started liking her. But she didn’t feel she knew him well enough to date him. Now, he says, he wants to kill himself because he can’t ever get a girl.

Date Me or I’ll Kill Myself

ASHLEY (CINCINNATI, OH) QUESTION:

Ashley: About a month or two ago, this kid, whose name is Nathan, said he was going to commit suicide. I convinced him not to so that was a plus.

Dawson: How did you convince him not to?

Ashley: He kept on saying there was nothing in this life for him and how he wasn’t worth anything. I explained to him how he could go to school, get an education, how there could be jobs out there for him, and how there are people out there who would care about him no matter what happened. He ended up believing me. After we stopped talking about that, he started saying how he liked me. And I don’t know him that well. I told him I really don’t want to go out with him because we really aren’t that acquainted. After I said that, he would say how he would kill himself because he can’t ever get a girl and how he got dumped. And he doesn’t think I care about him and now he wants to go kill himself. I’m afraid that if he does go kill himself, that’s going to be on my conscience forever.

DAWSON MCALLISTER’S ANSWER:

Dawson: So, his emotional blackmail is working on you, huh?

Ashley: Yes.

Dawson: If he kills himself, he’s going to kill himself because he’s a very troubled young man, not whether or not you dated him. You’re not responsible for him. You’re not responsible to make him happy under the threat of death or suicide. That’s between him and his maker, not between the two of you. You’re only doing the right and moral thing and the wise thing, which says: I want to wait and get to know you better before I date you. That’s only wise. And I don’t believe him. Even if he should kill himself, that was his choice and not yours.

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.