How Do I Help My Sister That's a Sex Addict?

Jessica’s sister is a sex addict. Jessica has begged and pleaded with her to change, but she still keeps having sex with random guys.

She's Having Sex with Random Guys

JESSICA'S (LAFAYETTE, LA) QUESTION:

Jessica: This kind of happened, I guess at 17. She [my sister] had her first taste of sex and it got worse. She started using excuses, like, “I have to go see my friend tonight.” And I said, “Who’s your friend?” She said, “You already know him, but I can’t disclose the name because then you’ll say something. It’ll just spread and then I’m going to get my butt in trouble.”

And then it started spreading throughout her job. She’s a volunteer firefighter. She’s gotten kicked out of 2 to 3 fire departments because of this. She flirts with every guy; doesn’t matter what age he is. Right now, her limit, the oldest she’s been with is 40 to 50 years old, and she’s only 20. She has a long life ahead of her, and she’s supposed to go to college. I know I can’t trust her to go to college to get a good education, because she’s going to put her total effort into partying, and getting drunk, and having sex with some random guys she doesn’t know. She’s going to get her heartbroken over it because they won’t call her. But if they do call her, it’s not because of a relationship, it’s because of a sex hookup.

She doesn’t hide anything. She just walks around the house like she’s bad. I’m finding stuff in my bathroom; I don’t even want to see it. I told my mom about this. My mom has talked to her about it. But it doesn’t really change. She still talks about how good certain guys are, to me. I don’t mind listening, but I feel that she isn’t being a role model. I’ve already talked to her about this. I’ve yelled at her. I’ve gotten one of her best friends to help me, because he’s pretty much a brother to us. We’ve already told her, “Look, being a role model is in your job description of being a sister.” And she says, “Why, do you want to follow me? I’m not a real good example.” “I have to. It’s your job to be my role model.”

DAWSON MCALLISTER'S ANSWER:

Dawson: Well, there’s a bigger tragedy than that. In the end, she’s going to be a role model of what not to do. In the end, whether you would ever go down that road, I doubt, because of what you have seen. The role model argument isn’t working. Every argument you’ve used, every plea…you’ve begged her, your friends begged her. She’s not going to listen until she feels the cold chill of consequences winter. She’s not going to change. Let me just say this, we know she’s not going to change until she hits the wall. So, why don’t you be a role model back to her? As to what it can be to live a responsible, clean life, rather than the life of a sex addict. It’s going to take a while, but in the end, hopefully, she’ll see the high cost of low living doesn’t work.

Want more information and resources for a sex addiction? Search our library of ebooks, blogs, and podcasts for answers to questions like:

  • What is sex addiction?
  • What are the warning signs of sex addiction?
  • Get help breaking free from sex addiction.

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