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Addiction Recovery Help: Can I Avoid Another Relapse?

by Dawson McAllister

Guy laying on ground struggling with a relapse in his addiction

If you’re in addiction recovery, you’re probably haunted by one question over and over: will I relapse again?

There’s no one-size-fits all solution when it comes to staying clean, but there are some things recovery experts recommend that could go a long way toward helping you avoid further relapse into addictive behavior.

Are you haunted by one question over and over: will I relapse again? #addiction #recovery Click To Tweet

Know Your Triggers

“Relapse triggers” are any of a number of emotions, behaviors, or situations that are likely to put you at high risk of relapse. Not sure what your triggers are? This list of the 10 most common relapse triggers may help.

Being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (HALT): Situations that cause hunger, anger, loneliness, and fatigue trigger relapses so often, they have their own acronym (HALT). That’s why healthy self-care (remembering to eat, hydrate, and rest) and positive relationships should be part of your daily routine, especially if you’re in recovery.

Uncomfortable or negative emotions: Negative emotions are a part of everyday life. Learning how to manage them (rather than turning to addictive behavior to numb them) can help you avoid relapsing.

Increased stress: Stress may tempt you to turn to addictive behavior to self-soothe.

Overconfidence: Overconfidence about your recovery or sobriety may cause you to put yourself in situations or around people that are more likely to trigger a relapse.

Starting a relationship too soon: Engaging in romantic relationships or sexual activity within a year or less of beginning recovery increases your risk of relapse. Even if your new partner doesn’t use drugs or alcohol, heightened emotions and a renewed sense of attachment could lead to codependency or sexual addiction within the new relationship.

Pre-existing physical or mental illness: Mental health diagnoses can make it more difficult to identify healthy coping mechanisms.

Socializing with people who have addictions (but aren’t in recovery): Committing to recovery often means committing to healthier relationships that don’t depend on using. Without a change of scenery, the temptation to use becomes overwhelming for many.

Social isolation: Make sure to surround yourself with healthy, supportive relationships with people who can stand with you in your recovery.

Sudden positive life changes: Situations that create the urge to celebrate can often trigger addictive behavior.

Reminiscing: Be careful not to reminisce about the past in a way that minimizes the pain or harmful impact of your addiction. Be truthful about past mistakes and their consequences so that you’re protected from further, unnecessary pain.

7 Reasons Why I’m Happier Living a Sober Life

Have a Plan

Knowing what triggers your addictive behavior can certainly help you avoid a relapse, but that’s not enough. you need a plan that includes:

  • How you will replace unhealthy or addictive behaviors with healthy ones
  • New places to go (and people to spend time with) that don’t tempt you toward addictive behavior
  • How to deal with negative emotions or celebrate a victory without using or otherwise engaging in addictive behavior
Have a plan. Knowing what triggers your addictive behavior helps, but that's not enough. #addiction #relapse Click To Tweet

Get Support

Recovery from addiction is never impossible, but getting and staying clean is a lot more attainable with the right support.

In fact, addiction research shows that treatment programs can help prevent relapses and decrease relapse rates, particularly if the entire treatment program is completed.

Whether it’s getting help through TheHopeLine, your faith community, a recovery meeting, or a close friend or family member, you can free yourself from past addiction and avoid future relapses.

We support people at every stage of addiction recovery. We can help you heal from addiction — starting now.

For more information on breaking addictions, download our free Understanding Substance Abuse eBook.

How to Deal with Verbally Abusive Parents: EP 25

Are You Trapped in a Cycle of Emotional Abuse from Parents?

Overwhelmed by the Verbal Abuse

The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Trying to Avoid the Conflict with Parents

Lance’s parents get angry at him for stupid reasons. They call him names and he says, “It’s getting stupid.” Lance gets so stressed by his parent’s abuse, he forgets his responsibilities and messes up even more.

Like Lance, most victims of verbal abuse feel put down, afraid, hurt, angry, confused, and helpless to do anything about the situation. In this case, Lance tried to get away from the abuse by hiding in his room, trying to avoid the conflict.

The words of an abuser cause all kinds of agony. It can set one on a lifelong destructive course. The Bible does not mince words when talking about a destructive tongue. It says, “The tongue is a fire. It is full of wrong. It poisons the whole body. The tongue sets our whole lives on fire with a fire that comes from hell.” James 3:6 In spite of this graphic description, the verbal abuser seldom understands or cares about the havoc he or she is causing. Most are full of rage and have no idea the damage being done.

The words of an abuser cause all kinds of agony. It can set one on a lifelong destructive course. Click To Tweet

Lance is afraid of his parents. They use vicious words to control and hurt him. Lance is stressed at what his parents are doing which causes him to forget what they are trying to say. It’s a vicious cycle. They verbally abuse him, he stresses out and forgets what they require of him, so they abuse him more. Then he forgets again, they get angrier and lash out.

Minimizing the Emotional Abuse

On one hand, Lance understands they hurt him, on the other hand he minimizes what they are doing to him. I challenged him to get out of the house and he responded by saying, “Their good parents besides that.” Just because they are good parents the rest of the time, doesn’t change the fact that their verbal abuse is horrific and causing incredible damage. It’s like someone who has been beaten within an inch of death to say of his attacker, “It’s okay that he almost killed me because most of the time he’s really nice.”

Lance doesn’t have an advocate or someone to help him with his problems. His abusive parents have beaten him down and he doesn’t know what to do but just knowing someone cares will help him tremendously with his tragic situation.

A Father Full of Rage and Verbal Abuse

Sarah is in a very difficult situation. She and her sister are in the car, with their father for 10 minutes, twice a day, to and from school. Their father is extremely angry. He’s full of rage because of the divorce and who knows what else. Attacking the girls verbally is irrational but in some ways it must make him feel better, even though he’s doing great harm to his victims.

The wise King Solomon has given incredible advice to someone who is forced to be around another one full of rage. Solomon’s advice is to go soft and quiet when an angry person acts out. He said in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”

When Sarah becomes gentle and humble with her words, she can help soften her father’s harsh and angry words by not letting him get her upset. After a while, the father will run out of things to say. He will see love and wisdom demonstrated during their drives to and from school. God’s love is powerful. It can do some amazing things, even turn Sarah’s father into a changed man.

We all ought to pray for Sarah because she needs tremendous patience. With it her soft approach will help change her father’s attitude. Solomon wrote, “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” Proverbs 25:15

“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1 Click To Tweet

Stuck in an Awful Predicament of Abuse

Tameka’s father has been emotionally and verbally abusing her for 6 years. He calls her names and puts her down every day. Tameka feels she can’t take it anymore and is starting to break down.

Tameka is stuck and needs help to find a much better situation. She needs to get away from her abusive father. The Bible tells us about King Saul, who was David’s mentor but also his authority figure. Saul had the right to put David to death and anyone else under his dominion. Saul fell away from God and was determined to kill David because he was jealous and hateful towards him.

David had to go to someone who could protect him and that someone was a man called Samuel. Samuel was a powerful man. He was both a prophet and judge over all of Israel. The Bible goes onto to say, “When David had fled and made his escape, he went to Samuel at Ramah and told him all that Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel went to Naioth and stayed there.” 1 Samuel 19:18

Tameka, like David, is under the authority of her father. Before attempting to leave her horribly abusive situation, she needs to hook up with safe people who will protect her. She definitely needs our prayers for strength and courage as she reaches out to others.

Let us all pray, God will change Tameka’s father, so he will turn from his vicious ways. The Bible says, “A worthless man digs up evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” Proverbs 16:27 May God stop him in his tracks, may he turn to Christ to forgive him and find a whole new life of love and support.

Did Today’s Episode on Abuse Get You Thinking?

Verbally abused people are all around us. May God help us identify them and offer support that will help them heal. If you have been verbally abused, I want to encourage you to go to a place called ThePrayerZone.com. There you will find encouragement and prayer that will start you down the road of healing. Our hearts are with you. God says, “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.” Psalm 102:17

Verbally abused people are all around us. May God help us identify them and offer support to help them heal. Click To Tweet

Resources for help with EMOTIONAL and VERBAL Abuse:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on depression. In this episode, I speak with Samantha who finds herself emotionally exhausted. I also get a chance to talk with Melissa, facing a serious setback after her counselor is murdered. Then, I realize that Cody has a core belief, he’s worthless. Lastly, Dustin shares how even though he’s got some debilitating health issues, he’s reaching out to people who are depressed and encouraging them. From this episode, I hope you gain encouragement and are able to get help by learning from other’s experiences.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

How to Deal with Anger: EP 23

Emotional Stuffing, Misplaced Anger, and Rage

In This Episode:

I’m glad you are listening to this podcast dealing with anger. Everybody struggles with it: you, me and the guy down the street. That’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Built Up Resentments

Evie’s mom is a quadriplegic from a car accident that happened when Evie was 4 years old. Evie hasn’t had much of a childhood and has a lot of built up resentments. Evie’s been forced to take care of her mom practically her whole life and is constantly reminded of her very difficult predicament. She feels alone and isolated. She feels her situation is keeping her in bondage, with no freedom in sight.  So, to make up for the pain and her sense of powerlessness, she’s turned to anger. Her plan has been to take her anger out on herself and others. That’s called misplaced anger. But that does not work. It fails her every time and leaves her sad and even more frustrated.

Find the Positive to Deal

Evie, however, is doing some positive things to help her cope. She writes music, poetry and spends time in nature. She’s trying to deal with her issues in a healthy way but in the end, her coping mechanisms are not enough. She needs to understand what she’s going through from a whole different perspective.

King David suffered from many heartaches; like abandonment, loneliness and other deep emotional issues. Yet, he kept his faith in God. David let God help him change the way he viewed his life. David was able to turn from feeling sad to glad by praising God for what He had done. David said in Palms 40:3, “He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.”

There is no way Evie can get over her anger without God. She needs something miraculous to happen. With God’s help, she can transform the way she looks at her life. She can turn from anger and resentment to praise and hope.

With God’s help you can turn from anger and resentment to praise and hope. @dawsonradio #anger Click To Tweet

Taking Anger Out on Everybody Else

Donald is having anger problems. His friends can be joking, and he can get angry one minute and then be happy the next. Donald said, “When my temper flares up, I lose what I’m doing and start taking my anger out on everybody else.” I encouraged Donald to visit a doctor to see if he needs medication. Seeking professional opinions can help and it doesn’t mean we are a failure. Seeing a psychiatrist is not a death sentence. They have been able to help millions of people get relief.

Part of the reason, Donald is struggling is because he’s an emotional stuffer. Instead of releasing how he feels in a positive way, he buries them. Therefore, the emotions have no place to go. Stuffing them can cause him to carry around emotional explosives which can be triggered by just about anything.

Find a Trusted Person to Talk to

Donald needs to find ways to express his feelings in a positive way. One way is to talk out how he’s feeling and not just act like everything is okay. He needs to find someone…a friend, a minister, a counselor, a trusted family member to talk things out. He also needs to discuss issues he has with others as they happen and not wait until he can’t handle the emotions anymore. For example, if someone close to him hurts him, he needs to go to them and discuss how he’s feeling instead of ignoring it.

The Bible tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. We need to quickly stop from being angry so that we don’t let anger control our lives. As you read the Bible, you will find strength and encouragement and it can be a powerful outlet to your deep emotions. The Bible has a lot to say about anger and the emotions that feed it. King David wrote, “Refrain from anger and abandon wrath; do not fret–it can only bring harm.” Psalm 37:8

Remember God wants to turn our anger and fretting into peace and love! The choice is ours!

Seeing a psychiatrist is not a death sentence. They have helped millions of people get relief. Click To Tweet

Afraid to Get Out of Control

Matthew gets irritated and frustrated over little things. He says in the past, he’s gotten out of control and he’s afraid he might be getting to that point again. For example, wanting to throw the coffee table across the room.

Matthew has developed good insights into himself. He can see he has used anger to make up for the powerlessness he feels. Anger has become his protector but has its disastrous results. He wants to stop his anger from getting out of control. He understood what I was saying, “If you don’t do something about it, it will do something about you.” Anger is like a bad habit, it just grows and grows until disaster strikes.

Find a Place to Get Help

Part of his problem is he doesn’t know where to go to get help. He will have to be proactive to find the help he needs. He needs counseling which can help him discover the roots of his anger. He needs a whole support team around him to help him when he feels that rage. Church can be a great place to find help and a support team. He’ll have to be persistent to find a church which will help him. He needs to know, God will help him in getting down the road to freedom from anger and rage. The Bible says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Ephesians 4:31

Anger is like a bad habit, it just grows and grows until disaster strikes. @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Perhaps, this episode has caused you to examine your own anger. If that is true, may I suggest a simple prayer that could change your anger problems in amazing ways.

Dear God, I submit myself to you. I don’t want to be an angry person. Help me so I don’t let the sun go down on my anger. I want peace and calm in place of anger. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I trust you to help me with this issue in my life. Thank you that you are going to change me into a whole new person as I seek and obey you! Amen.

May God give you the courage and love that we all need to face anger and other hurtful emotions. It can be a long journey but one we must take. God bless you!

Resources for help with ANGER:

May God give you courage and love to face #anger and other #hurtful emotions. @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on loneliness. Feeling alone can be overwhelming. It can lead to a lot of other issues; such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

 

What To Do When We’re Mad At God

by Dawson McAllister

Are You Mad At God?

Girl in hospitalI’ve got to believe at some point in your life, you’ve raised your fist and shouted out in anger at God. Most of us have done it.

Maybe your parent died, or you had a friend get seriously sick, or even killed. Maybe you have cancer, or some kind of handicap. These and other serious issues enter our lives, making it easy to target God for our pain.

Someone described anger this way: Anger is a human emotional response to situations that are either out of our control or out of our ability to understand, or both.

Have you ever wondered why we get so angry at God? That’s what I want to talk about, because I can assure you that while God allows us to cry out to Him, He doesn’t want us stuck in rage towards Him.

What are some of reasons why we get mad at God?

The main reason we get so upset with God is because we think He owes us something. This usually happens in two ways:

1) We don’t get something we want.

Have you ever really wanted a relationship with that perfect girl or guy? Or you really wanted that job you knew for certain would be perfect for you? When these things didn’t work out, you no doubt found yourself hurt and disappointed. Our first impulse is almost always to blame God.

Daphne wrote: When we get mad at God it is really like a 2-year-old throwing a fit because Mommy or Daddy won’t let them stick their finger in the light socket. The 2-year-old can only see what he/she wants, the parent sees the bigger picture, and the danger. When we are mad at God we show our immaturity, ignorance, and our shortsightedness.

2) We get something we DON’T expect.

When something bad happens to someone we love, or to us, or someone gets really sick, or even dies we wonder why these things have to happen. We think of God as a big genie in the sky who should only give us good things and prevent the bad.

I received a comment from someone who said: Some people wonder why their lives end up being a certain way, and they blame God for it, because if God really cared for them, then He wouldn’t let them suffer.

For more on reconciling the goodness of God and bad things in the world read these blogs from organizations we partner with:

Where is God in the midst of tragedy?

How Can God Allow So Much Evil and Suffering?

Hands in PrayerWe think, “If God is so loving, why am I in so much pain? Is He punishing me for no reason by allowing horrible things to happen to me, or the people I love, or even the world?”

We think God owes us something.

Both of these situations can make a person feel like God doesn’t care about us. After all the prayers we’ve prayed, God still didn’t heal your brother’s cancer, or get you the job you wanted.

 Joe wrote:I have to admit that I am angry at God. The more I have prayed for help and guidance, the more I get nothing. He is ignoring me. It’s His right to do with me what He will, but I am frustrated because I have done what I think I am supposed to do and yet no response, no help.

We get angry when we think God owes us something. When in fact, God owes us nothing.

We get angry when we think God owes us something. When in fact, God owes us nothing. #madatGod Click To Tweet

A couple other reasons:

  • We get angry with God when we don’t know all the facts. It’s so easy to think we know everything, but we can only see a very small part of the picture.
  • We get angry at God when we see others claim to know Him, and then act like hypocrites. It’s easy to blame God for the faults of others.

These are just a few reasons why people get angry with God. Of course, there are many more.

How to get over being mad at God – Know what you can expect from Him.

If we think God is going to be our genie in a bottle, and make everything good in our lives, we’re going to be mad at God whMad at Goden something bad happens. Having faith in God is not insurance against hardships.

In the Bible Jesus says- “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

So what can we expect from God?

  • His Peace – If we trust in Him and believe in Him we will have peace even in the hard times. Do you want to know how to find this peace? Begin Your Journey To Peace with this great resource from Peace With God. 
  • God Wins in the End – This world is full of sin, hate and death and that comes from the enemy, Satan, not from God. However, for all those who believe in Jesus there is glorious, eternal life in heaven.
  • His Comfort – He promises to be near those who are hurting. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
  • His love – He promises His love for us. “God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (1 John 4:16) He loves your heart and is with you in the midst of whatever your  circumstances.
  • Life with greater meaning and significance – If we got everything we thought we wanted, we’d be spoiled and selfish. God is a wise father who knows what we need to become the best men and women we can be.
Having faith in God is not insurance against hardships. #madatGod Click To Tweet

What can you do when you are mad at God?

1) Tell him how you feel.

The best thing you can do is tell God what you’re angry about. He wants to hear from you about what you’re thinking and feeling. Tell God honestly where you are at. God knows what’s going on inside of you, but He wants to you be able to come to Him with honesty and openness.

why are you mad at God2) Place the blame for evil on Satan not on God.

God is good and Holy and perfect and loving. He is the opposite of evil. You may be mad at God because he didn’t prevent the bad from happening to you, but he is not to blame for the bad thing, Satan is.  Jesus says in the Bible “The thief’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” (John 10:10)

3) Pray for courage, strength and peace to make it through the day.

Betsy wrote: I find it easiest to leave everything in God’s hands and pray that he will care for me and do what’s BEST for me, not what I want, but what is best. It’s very hard, and I have trouble with that at times, but that is my overall goal.

4) Trust that God will use a hardship for something beyond what you can see.

So can God use for everything we go through for a greater purpose? I believe He can. Ask God for understanding to see the bigger picture. Over time, you may see more clearly a how God used your trial for good.

Jill wrote honestly: I feel like I have a daily tug of war with God. I know everything happens for a reason, but when you’re lonely, broke, bored, and feel helpless, it is really hard to say, okay God, I know you’re doing this for a reason.

Betsy echoed Jill’s thoughts: After many trials I learned that it is best to accept what God has done and believe that it is for my good, whether I like it or not.

Believing He does have a reason for everything we go through helps us to trust that something bigger is going on here, even more than we can probably understand. But I’m not God, He is. And I’m just going to trust that He knows what’s going on with me.

5) Get involved in other people’s lives.

A lot of our anger and frustration in life comes from thinking about ourselves too much – we think about the way things are and how different they are from how we wish they’d be.

Yevgenia wrote: One of the best things I have learned while going through this is God won’t put you through something unless he knows you will be able to overcome it. Another way I have used these things in a positive way is by using my experiences to help others who are going through similar things in their lives.

The best way to find joy and peace from the hardships of life is to get involved in other people’s lives. Take an interest in other people and their circumstances. Share in their joy and their pain.

6) Decide to have a relationship with God.

The Bible says the only way to know God is by knowing His son, Jesus. Jesus was basically God with skin-on and gave us a way to know who He is, His love, and how be in relationship with Him.

The Bible says the only way to know God is by knowing His son, Jesus. #madatGod Click To Tweet

Lucas wrote: Sometimes only God will know why He has allowed a trial and sometimes He will reveal its purpose to us. Sometimes it’s because He is preparing us for a greater thing. Sometimes it is to show to us how little we truly love Him, and to allow us to change. Trials give us an opportunity to build our faith in a way nothing else can.

How have you dealt with your own personal anger toward God? I’d love to hear from you. Please let me know how you got over being upset with God.

Do you have questions about who God is?  Check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook: Understanding a Relationship with God.

How to Manage Your Anger

by Dawson McAllister

I have been talking about anger for the last couple of weeks and have received a huge response to it. That’s because all of us at one time or another comes up against anger. Anger is a very powerful emotion-it can take over your life if you let it. You don’t have to let it control you. Most people who feel angry just don’t have any idea how to deal with it.
anger management
McKaela commented: When I finally snap, I just scream and throw things around. It may sound childish but it’s my only way to vent without hurting the ones I love.

And sometimes we even turn to addictive substances to numb our intense feelings. Sara wrote: When I get angry I tend to lash out and drink at home.

Drizz wrote: I get angry at almost everything, to the point where I want to hurt someone badly (mainly the person that brought my anger out). In fact, anger is the only real emotion that I feel.

Drizz, McKaela and Sara have each come to the point where anger has become the controlling force in their lives. In the midst of rage, it’s hard to believe you have any choice in the matter.

This is how Monica feels. She said: I get angry very often. And quite frankly I don’t know how to deal with my anger. I bottle it up inside and every so often it all comes out, usually on a family member. I yell and hit. I try not to, I honestly do, but rage just beats the fact that I love them. So I lash out.

Related Posts:
What Is Anger?
What Is Forgiveness?

Lashing out might seem like the only option. The truth is you do have the option to not let anger take over. So what is a better way to deal with your anger? How can you stay calm when you feel like blowing up, raging, or acting out?

Try These 3 Practical Ways To Manage Your Anger

  1. Identify what makes you angry and turn away, before the anger takes over. Kyle wrote: I know how easily I get angry and so I can usually tell when things are going to get too bad, so I usually just get out of the situation beforehand. Kyle’s on to something here. Here is aware of his own emotions and what triggers the intense anger. He is choosing to turn away before his anger hurts him and those around him.
  2. Talk it out. Call up a friend and ask for help. Talk to someone you trust about these intense feelings of anger, what triggers it and what you can do about it. Talking things out with a friend who cares will really help. Anna wrote: When I’m angry it helps when I have a conversation with others and they tell me about their problems and issues, so it calms me down and lets me realize everyone makes mistakes and they too deal with anger everyday.
  3. Do something productive. Don’t just sit around and think about how angry you feel. That usually makes matters worse. Change your environment. Come up with something productive you can do when you feel angry. Haley wrote: When I get mad I clean, sing, or write.

Here are some more great ideas for how to manage anger:

Logan wrote: The best thing in my opinion is working out – it’s a good way to channel your anger into something productive.

Kaley wrote: I go running, with really loud music.

Linda wrote: Riding my horse and caring for my horses keeps me centered and balanced. I am a much better person because of them.

Sarah wrote: I take a walk in the woods with my dogs and take pics with my cam – helps me every time.

Brenda wrote: I read, listen to music, and journal my feelings out, I trust God’s help to get me thru things and handle my emotions better.

Emily wrote: I breathe and count to five and use my words instead of my fists. Superior intelligence beats superior strength any day.

Kaitie wrote: I write music with lyrics on how I’m feeling at that moment. I also talk to friends or meditate.

Hanani wrote: First, I pray about it. Second, I dance. Being a dancer, that’s one of the ways I best express myself. Third, I don’t dwell on the issue. I do things to help myself calm down so that when I have to think about the issue, I don’t blow up anymore.

Cory wrote: I love to dance when I’m mad, or listen to music, and most the time when I am mad, I love to write about it, in poems or in a journal.

Dance, run, turn up the music, journal, or meditate. You can beat the anger and you will feel better, much better.

Using Your Anger For Good

by Dawson McAllister

This might sound a little foreign to you, but it’s not wrong to feel angry.   It does matter, though, how you respond or react to it.  You might not realize that you have a choice. You may feel like all you can do is express your anger by hitting, yelling, or throwing something. My last post talked about how to deal with your anger…to keep it under control from being a harmful and negative force in your life. But here’s the good news, you can do something else with your anger. You can use it for good when you approach the situation from the perspective of a problem solver.

Anger comes from a very real place of feeling out of control about a situation or even a relationship. Clarissa wrote: We get angry when something is wrong, and sometimes we can actually let the aggression motivate us to try to change what’s wrong, rather than just blow up at people. I think there are a lot of ways I could be making the anger a motivational tool for change, and let love take care of the rest. I also know in my heart that I have a God who can help me deal with this.

Related Posts:
What Is Anger?
What Is Forgiveness?

You are always going to encounter difficult and challenging circumstances and people. Learning how to productively work through problems is going to help you for the rest of your life. Instead of just letting the feelings of anger take over, stop and figure out what is making you so angry. Make a plan for how you can fix the situation and approach it with good intentions.

Anger can motivate you to try to get something changed, whether it’s a broken relationship, or even a social injustice.

Anger About A Relationship

Is it that someone ignored you, or made you feel stupid, or did they physically hurt you? Decide if you really care what that person thinks about you. If you don’t care, then just move on. But if you do, you can be the bigger person and seek to make peace with him/her.

You can do something else with your anger…you can use it for good.

Find a safe situation where you can express your anger and frustration in a way that isn’t accusatory, but instead, allows for dialogue with the other person. Sometimes just telling someone how you feel helps tremendously to lessen the anger you’re experiencing. But remember, the goal is to solve the problem, and not just to get something off your chest. Find out what the other person’s perspective is on the situation. A lot of anger stems from common misunderstandings.

Sometimes explaining yourself when you’ve been wronged, in a manner that is (as much as possible) free from emotion, can help you decide whether a relationship is worth salvaging, or if you actually need to leave it behind.

Dealing With Injustice

Many people get angry when they see other people treated wrongly. Expressing your anger with focus and passion can be very inspirational to other people, and will help you stay motivated as you work for your cause.

Sarah wrote: I got so angry at how some other kids were being treated at my school. I went to the administration, and they made some new rules that helped to protect them.

Many people, like Sarah, see injustice going on in the world around them. Maybe it’s at your school, or in your home, but it might also be some horrible tragedy you find out about going on around the world. For example, you might want to help by raising awareness about the sex trafficking problem going on in the U.S. and other countries. Maybe poverty and starvation really gets you upset.

Focusing your passion and energy toward these horrible situations can be very productive.

 

Learning how to productively work through problems is going to help you for the rest of your life.

Joseph wrote: If you are able to turn your anger into passion, you can use it for good.

It’s not wrong to feel angry. Taking all that powerful energy and working to find solutions, help, and healing with things you see as being wrong can be very beneficial to your own peace of mind, and the betterment of the world around you. Be the brave and courageous one who decides to stand up and make a positive difference. Let anger work for you, and it will soon affect others in a very positive way.

Why Do We Get Angry?

by Dawson McAllister

anger 1Do you know someone who struggles with anger? You probably don’t have to look any further than your own mirror. I’ve written about what anger is, and now I’m asking the question, why do we get angry?

We get angry based on our reaction to a variety of things, people, circumstances, memories, or personal problems, just to name a few. It can also be a response to a single event, or a reaction to numerous events. What makes you angry? Here are some reasons people have sent me:

Shawnee wrote: What makes me angry? Being ignored.

Ali wrote: Fake people and liars.

Jake wrote: Trying hard at something and failing.

Ashley wrote: I hate it when people criticize me and have no idea what I go through.

Michael wrote: Being nice to people, only to have them be mean to me.

Jane wrote: Not being able to control my emotions.

When you feel anger, it’s easy to want to lash out to get back at whatever, or whoever, has hurt you. Unfortunately, we all know that anger can get out of control and become destructive, causing a ton of problems.

You don't have to let anger control you. Click To Tweet

So why do we get angry?

  1. We get angry when our expectations are not met. When something doesn’t go the way we think it should, we try to take control over the out of control situation with anger.  Chells wrote: Usually I don’t get angry much, however, being accused of things will set me off big time.
  2. We also get angry when we feel we’re being threatened. And it may or may not be a real situation. We’ve all seen a person get angry about something that isn’t a real threat at all. For example: the guy at a bar who gets in a fight with another guy because, He looked at me funny, when the other guy didn’t even know he was there. People carry a lot of emotional baggage into certain situations, making them feel more threatened than they need to feel.
  3. Additionally, some angry people carry their resentments and rage around with them at all times, creating an environment that makes other people be more aggressive toward them, just enhancing the whole anger cycle. These are the kinds of people who have a very short fuse, and any number of things will set them off.

How to Deal with Anger: EP 23

Here are some other reasons why people might get angry. Maybe you have experienced some of these, too:

  • Grief – losing a loved one.
  • Rudeness
  • Tiredness
  • Hunger
  • Pain
  • Withdrawal from drugs or some medications
  • Some physical conditions, such as PMS
  • Physical illness
  • Mental illness
  • Alcohol, some drugs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse
  • Injustice
  • Being teased or bullied
  • Humiliation
  • Embarrassment
  • Deadlines
  • Traffic jams
  • Disappointment
  • Sloppy service
  • Failure
  • Infidelity
  • Burglary
  • Financial problems
  • Being told you have a serious illness

The fact is, just about anything can trigger an angry reaction. Monica said, I get angry very often. And quite frankly I don’t know how to deal with my anger. I bottle it up inside and every so often it all comes out.

Remember, even though anger will most likely be a part of the rest of your life, you don’t have to let it control you. In my next blog let’s talk about ways to manage your anger.

Your friend,
Dawson

Forgiving people who have angered you, even if they don’t deserve it can free you from the toxic emotions which trap you.  To understand how to forgive and why it’s so important for you to forgive, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

What is Anger?

by Dawson McAllister

what is anger

The Monster Within

There’s no escaping the reality of anger. It affects everybody at one time or another. Over the many years I’ve been in talk radio, I’ve become convinced at least half of those who have called me are in some way angry, or have suffered as a result of someone else’s rage. There are literally millions of people whose lives have all but been destroyed because of the monster within, anger.

And yet, there are so many people who don’t recognize how angry they really are, or even how they are expressing it. Much less, how it is affecting every aspect of their lives, including all their relationships.

Lives have been all but destroyed because of the monster within called anger. Click To Tweet

So what is anger?

Anger is an emotion that can be very powerful and all consuming. It’s a deep feeling of displeasure, hostility or antagonism towards someone or something we think has hurt us. Anger usually has with it a desire to get even, or hurt back.

broken dishesAnger can be so powerful that it can even affect us physically. For example, anger increases heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline. Its effect on the body’s nervous system can lead to a weakened heart and stiffened arteries. There’s also potential for liver and kidney damage, as well as high cholesterol. Anger may bring along other issues like depression or anxiety. Some scientists think that chronic anger may be more dangerous than smoking and obesity as a factor that will contribute to an early death.

Ultimately, anger is a reaction to feeling hurt, weak, vulnerable, or belittled in some way by someone or something. We use anger to help us feel strong and in control, and to help mask our feelings of hurt and weakness. When you see an angry person, you see a hurt person using anger to try and make up for all the pain.

An angry person is often a hurt person covering all the pain. Click To Tweet

Jenny wrote: One of the things that makes me angry a lot is not knowing a single thing about my birth father. And how much not having him in my life affected my life growing up and how I am with guys since I have never had a father figure to show me how it is to be loved by a man the right way.

Jenny is obviously hurt. She feels abandoned by her birth father who she has never met. Not only that, but she has never had a father figure in her life. Jenny’s anger helps her make up the difference between her desire to feel loved and accepted, and her feeling so weak and neglected.

Related Posts:
Why Do We Get Angry?
What Is Forgiveness?

What makes you most angry? Feel free to comment below. Making a list will help you understand more of the deeper reasons you may be angry.