I Was Shook By My Best Friend's Suicide
If anyone would have told me that you were going to come and leave so quickly from my life, I would have smacked them and called them a fool. We made it to 6 months. In those 6 months, you became my life. April, I have never met a more beautiful, bright, amazing and loving girl. You made me feel so far from alone. You made me feel like I mattered. You showed me the true definition of a best friend.
But you were always so sad. I tried to do anything I could to help you forget your troubles. We went out on dates, hung out every day, went and spent nights at the barn with your horses. April, we did everything we thought best friends were supposed to do, but just when I thought you were the thing that saved me from me, I got the worst news...that you took your own life. My best friend's suicide shook me to the core.
I Am Sorry I Couldn't Save You
April, I'm sorry I couldn't save you. You made me feel so much life where I thought I never would feel it again, you truly brought out the real me. I wasn't afraid around you and you never judged me. I will not ever forget the last night I saw you. You called me and asked if I had a cigarette, and I saved my last one for us to share. When you came through my gate, your eyes were covered in tears. We sat and I hugged you and I told you we would get through this. That it was just another bump. You cried and told me that you couldn't take it anymore, that you hurt too much. We talked for about an hour, I cleaned up your tears, and we said we loved each other. You told me you would call me in the morning.
I never got that call, but you did that a lot so I didn't think much of it. Two days later I found out you overdosed. All I could think about was that I really wish I could have saved you. I wish I could have said something to change your mind. April, everyone says it was an accident, but I know the truth. You were so full of life, yet so broken inside. I wish you could have seen how loved you truly were.
My Best Friend's Suicide Was a Whole Other Type of Hurt
Losing someone you love to suicide is a whole other type of hurt. I lost my first friend when I was 19, to a murder. That hurt me in ways I thought were impossible. But losing you, April, knowing you were in my arms hours before you decided to depart the earth, makes my heart feel in ways I never knew I could feel. We may have been friends for less than a year, but you were one of the most amazing friends I have ever had. April, you showed me what a real friend was and you showed me a true friend.
Suicide Doesn't End the Pain
April, losing you made me realize that I may be sad and I may want to die sometime, but I now fully understand the meaning of, "suicide doesn't end your pain, it only passes the pain on to the ones who love you".
Reach Out and Talk to Someone About Your Thoughts of Suicide
My message to anyone reading this and thinking about killing yourself....never be afraid to reach out and talk to someone! People love you! You are more beautiful and amazing than you think and you do have a purpose!
April's Best Friend
If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.