Talleha had been sexually abused and as a result, was depressed and ready to kill herself...then she found TheHopeLine with Dawson McAllister and found help and hope.
Talleha's Story - YouTube
More Stories of Abuse Survivors:
Abbie's Story of Sexual Abuse
How Patrick Found Hope
1 in 4 girls are sexually abused by the age of 18
1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the age of 18
90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way
68% are abused by a family member
If you see any signs of abuse in someone you know, or if you yourself are abused get help right away. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is a 24-hour hotline with resources to aid in every child abuse situation. All calls are anonymous and confidential. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) for help.
If you have been sexually abused or are a survivor of sexual abuse TheHopeLine® has an eBook for you.
Paul wrote: I was at a party once that was going great. Everyone was having a great time. Sure, there was some drinking, but I didn't realize the neighbors had called the cops. Everybody ran, and people got trampled over trying to get away. I broke my arm falling over the couch. And my dad had to come get me from the police station. It was a nightmare.
Does this sound like the WORST PARTY EVER?
While I know there are plenty of reasons to hold parties all throughout the year, spring seems to bring with it even more reasons to get together.
The stay-out-all-night after-prom party. The we-finally-did-it graduation party. The weather-is-finally-nice beach/backyard/backroad party. The see-you-next-school-year college bash. You know what I'm talking about.
And, while these parties are meant to be celebrations, they can often get out of control and end disastrously. In fact, you could end up at the worst party ever.
I don't want to be a downer, but I've heard too many stories on my radio show over the years from people who were taken advantage of at a party, or teens who lost a friend because of drunk-driving, or someone who ended up arrested because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time.
So, let's just talk about how to be smart at a party. How to have fun, and not be dumb!
Let's set the scene. You get to the party with your friend, and everyone seems to be having fun. But after a while, you start to get the feeling that something isn't quite right. For one thing, you notice people are bringing more and more alcohol to the party. You also notice people are starting to get really drunk or high. You even see people slipping away in couples, or even threesomes, heading to a back bedroom.
You know nothing really good happens in the back bedroom. A thought flashes through your mind: drugs, alcohol, and a lot of people = trouble.
It's important to always have a plan as to what you'll do if the party turns into a bad situation.
I get the whole YOLO thing. And I know that according to Snoop Dog this is the time to be young and wild and free! I just want you to also be smart and safe and strong because I've seen first-hand that doing something in the moment can have consequences that last a lifetime.
And if you see a friend in trouble at a party, check out our guest blog about 4 Ways to Keep Friends Safe.
Lastly, here are some things your peers told us about their party experiences:
Jenni wrote: I just don't go to the parties where I know there will be drugs. And when there are, I get one of my friends to leave with me, and we do something else.
Trisha agreed with Jenni: I completely avoid the situation. But if I was there, I know better than to do that stuff. Usually, I end up leaving.
Sounds like Jenni and Trisha have a good plan. Talk to your friends and create your own plan for surviving the Worst Party Ever.
It's the big event of the year. Prom Night is a chance for you and your friends to make special plans and go all out, spending a ton of money in hopes of having an awesome time. But lurking just below the surface are some serious dangers.
Most of these dangers take place after midnight. You're tired, and your guard is down, and temptation is at an all-time high. It's easier at these vulnerable times to do things you'll regret later.
Some think they own their date for prom night because they've spent a ton of money on clothes, food, limo, etc. Along with this can come a certain expectation of receiving a certain amount of physical attention because of it. You don't have to be this kind of girl or guy.
Talk about your expectations for the night with your date so that you are both on the same page.
Also, some girls have expectations that the prom will be the most romantic, fairytale night ever which easily makes her more open to compromising her values. It also sets her up for greater disappointment when the night ends up being far from the dream she imagined. This can lead to a broken heart and scars that could last a lifetime. It also can set up the guy to be a failure in her eyes.
No guy can ever be the Prince Charming that she has fabricated in her mind.
Prom nights throughout history are filled with stories of people who drank too much, got in a car, and never made it home. Others have died because they didn't realize how much they were drinking and ended up with alcohol poisoning. Your best bet is to avoid it all together on prom night.
Also, you cannot take drugs or drink alcohol and drive, or even ride in a car driven by someone who has. It's illegal and extremely dangerous.
Kayley wrote, "My best friend died in a car crash on prom night. She hadn't been drinking, but the person driving had. They just went off the road."
Also, when you drink, you are setting yourself up to make a complete fool of yourself.
Chances are you are going to be around people who are drinking, and probably too much. These are the kind of people who are going to be more aggressive about doing things sexually that they normally wouldn't do. Dawn said: Most of my friends lost their virginity at the prom....one of them ended up with an STD. Be smart, ladies, make sure you understand the consequences. That same person ended up pregnant and gave the STD to her baby during birth. (Read my blog about STDs)
1. Talk beforehand about what's going to happen
Talking about expectations for the night with your date, so you are both on the same page, will make a good and memorable night. After you talk about this, it will be easier to not let anyone pressure you into going someplace, or doing anything you don't want to do. Another way to keep your date's expectations in check is to offer to pay for your part of the event half of the ticket price, your portion of the limo, after-party expenses, etc.
2. Make the prom a FRIEND event
Some people find the prom to be more fun if they go with a group of friends, rather than making it a serious, overly romantic event filled with expectations. After the dance is over, don't just go and hang around at someone's house. This setting is ripe for drinking, drugs, and sex. Think up some group activities you will all enjoy.
David wrote: For my prom, I went with a whole group of people from my youth group, guys and girls. We wanted to have a good time, but without all the pressures of wondering if we're gonna hook up with someone or not. It was just good, pure fun. And when no one is drinking, it makes it so much easier, too.
3. Stay sober
Staying sober will help you to remember the fun you had that night. What could be worse than getting so drunk you can't even remember what you did or didn't do. Your date will be grateful you're not spending half the night barfing. What could be worse than getting so drunk you can't even remember what you did or didn't do?
4. Make a pact
Your parents or another adult can be helpful for you as someone you can call to come pick you up if things get dangerous or uncomfortable. Then you're guaranteed to never be trapped somewhere you don't want to be. They are available to come pick you up with the promise they won't make a scene in front of your friends.
Paul wrote: I used to think that my parents didn't trust me and that's why they wanted me to keep checking in with them. Then I realized they actually could help me if I needed it.
Make every effort to keep the night safe, and free from dangers lurking just under the surface.
Prom should be one of the most memorable nights of your high school career. Your goal should be, I'm going to the prom to have a good time, but not be haunted with many regrets. Make every effort to keep the night safe, and free from dangers lurking just under the surface.
Here are some additional tips for how to party safely.
I had a struggle for a long time but at the very moment I'm typing this I know I'm free in Jesus Name.
Before, I always thought that God was getting tired of forgiving me because I always fail him and I would always do that sin over and over again. It's a kind of sexual sin, I'm still a virgin but I did this pillow sexual fantasy thing. I asked God so many times to give me chance but I always failed, I always fell into temptation.
One time I was so anxious because I fell to it again, I know God forgives but sometimes I feel like I don't deserve any of it, so I decided to search for a Christian counseling or line. I haven't told anyone about my struggle until I joined here at TheHopeLine.com. There was a HopeCoach who talked to me right away, I confessed everything about that sexual sin. I'm glad they don't judge people who are seeking help. I was reminded that God's love and forgiveness for us never fails, even if we fail so many times.
Right now, I will pray harder and I will always have that verse with me -Philippians 4:6-8 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things."
So whenever the enemy tries to attack my weakness I can overcome in Jesus Name! I'm blessed that I found this site, it really helps a lot.
I hope that like me, whenever you have a struggle like this I hope you will always think that God loves us and forgives us. I'm starting my new life today, forgetting all those bad things and look forward to God's best plan for me.
God bless everyone!
-Alexandra
Related Posts:
What Is Forgiveness?
7 Things I Learned About Prayer
What Happens When You Don't Forgive
If you have something you are struggling with and want a place free of judgment to get help, please chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.
Forgiveness can release you from the insane grip of the past. For more information on how to forgive and why it’s so important for you to forgive, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.
Let me be really clear from the beginning of this post if you have been sexually assaulted, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. PERIOD. No matter what you did or did not do the choice was 100% the decision of the perpetrator. They could have chosen to not violate you, but they did not make that choice, so it is THEIR fault and only theirs.
Now with that said, I want to offer you some tips that can perhaps help protect you from being a victim of sexual assault, but I want you to understand that even if you follow all these steps or if you slip up on one of them, and you experience a sexual assault, it still is not your fault. These tips are simply meant to help make you more aware and lessen your chances.
1. Trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that you should not be alone with someone, leave. If you feel the party, you are at is getting a little too out of control, get out. If you are starting to get creeped out by how someone is looking at you or what they are saying to you, call a cab or find a friend.
2. Be prepared. Before you go out make sure your phone is fully charged, carry some cash, and have the number of a cab company programmed into your phone.
3. Don't share too much online about what your plans are. 61% of attackers are known by the victim.
Listen to this live call from Missy who was almost raped by her dad's friend.
If you have been sexually assaulted, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. PERIOD. No matter what you did or didn't do the choice was 100% the decision of the perpetrator. They could have chosen to not violate you, but they did not make that choice, so it is THEIR fault and only theirs.
4. Stick together with your friends or let them know where you are going. It does not hurt to have code words to alert a friend if you are getting uncomfortable.
5. Be aware of your alcohol consumption. My first recommendation is don't drink especially if you are underage. But if you are going to have a drink, know your limits. There is no disputing the fact that alcohol compromises your ability to make responsible decisions and be accurately aware of your situation. Over half of sexual assaults among college students involve alcohol.
6. If you do have a drink, don't let it out of your site. You never know when someone might slip something into your drink. If you leave it unattended, get a new drink. Never accept a drink from someone you don't know.
7. Be ready to speak up to help someone out. If a situation seems wrong, step up. Find others to support you and then offer some distraction to rescue a friend or peer from a questionable situation.
8. Keep your eyes scanning - Stay alert and pay attention to your surroundings.
9. Keep your ears listening - Don't have earphones in
10. Keep your feet moving - Walk with a purpose
11. Choose a smart route - Try to stick to well-traveled areas even if it is not the most direct path
12. Tell a friend where you are going
13. Don't compromise your standards - Set your boundaries and be firm. I don't want to is a good enough reason.
14. Understand that consent to sexual activity can be withdrawn at any time.
15. If your date is making you uncomfortable - call a friend and use a code word, or, if you can, make an excuse and leave.
Since 1993, sexual assaults have declined by 60%. So, it is possible that by raising awareness and taking precautions, we can keep lowering the number of incidents.
If you are a survivor of a sexual assault, please take care of yourself and know that there is help for you.
Here are some resources for you:
Sexual Abuse and Assault Resources - The following are trusted resources from TheHopeLine and our partners to help survivors of sexual assault and their loved ones.
RAINN - Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization.
The first person I spoke to was very friendly and was able to talk with me for as long as I needed, the second person I talked to was just as helpful, both experiences helped me get this heavy orb off of my chest. I thought that when I wasn't speaking with my best friend about something like this that I would crash and end my life but I learned that as long as the HopeLine is here, I will continue to live with Hope!
-Takia
If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.
All my life, I've never good enough for anyone. My half-brother raped me and made me sleep with him.
When everything is going wrong, I can talk to someone HERE at TheHopeLine and I don't feel alone.
I've tried to kill myself three times in the past six months but TheHopeLine has helped me. Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me hope again!
-Indira
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please:
April is National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (#SAAPM).
That's why this month, RAINN, a partner of TheHopeLine, is highlighting the important role that friends play in keeping each other safe. It's about stepping up and showing you "C.A.R.E." You have the ability to make a difference by intervening in a way that fits the situation and your comfort level.
If you find yourself in a situation where someone looks uncomfortable or something doesn't seem right, consider one of the following ways to step in:
If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, it's not your fault. You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE and online.rainn.org.
You can also chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine or download TheHopeLine's eBook called: Understanding Sexual Abuse.
