Patrick’s Story: I tried to kill myself

Patrick’s Story

Sexually abusedAll my life no one, my age, ever really liked me.  I was that kid that smelled even thought most of the time I didn’t.  Anyway, when I was 14, men started emailing me asking to be my friend; something I never really had.  I hesitated at first, then I met one of them.  At first, we just sorta hung out, then they started to tell me they need me give them something . You can guess what that meant.  At the time, I didn’t think this was an issue.  I felt wanted and I felt loved, something I haven’t felt in a while.  Now you might ask…were my parents bad or something?  They weren’t, they were just busy with their careers.  After a while, they made me feel like I had to sneak out at night.

When I got into my second year of high school, I found a girl friend that liked me for who I was.  Then, one day I was riding my moped and I fell.  I hit my head, and yes, I was wearing a helmet.  I went blank for a minute but I was okay, just a scraped hand.  I got up and kept riding and a week later. I started getting headaches.  I went to the ER and I had a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).  About another week later was the first time I tried to kill myself.  I stole my family boat and tried to sink it with me inside it…this didn’t work.  This was the first time I was hospitalized.  I was hospitalized two more times before.  They asked if I was ever sexually abused and every other time they asked that I said no but then it clicked, and I opened up.  It had never occurred to me that I was abused.  I tried to kill myself more times, the other times with pills and jumping off a overpass.  Just to give you an update that was the first time my parent found out about the abuse.  I had kept it hidden for over 3 years.  All in this time, I was cutting and got kicked out of three schools.

I was also diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  It got so bad, I went to a residential hospital for nine months.  After that, life was so much less stressful and the flashbacks came fewer and the wish to die subsided.  I still suffer from anxiety and depression, but its manageable, and I am also not on any medication.

I’m proof that if you just take a break from life and work really hard and have a lot of support…you can get through anything!

If you are struggling with painful emotions, or like Patrick, have been abused and haven’t been able to tell anyone…contact TheHopeLine.  We are here to chat with you about whatever it is that you need to talk about.  You don’t have to try to handle it all on your own.  We are here for you.

Free eBook! Understanding Suicide from TheHopeLine®

TheHopeLine reads every comment. The purpose of the blogs are to provide help through the content, stories, and struggles of others. If you are looking for immediate help please click on an option above.