This is a story about my dead dad as a poem that he wrote me one night. I was really down one night and missed him a lot. The time we spent together was short, see...when I was only 12 years old, an evil person took my dad away from me. This evil person came into our family home (thank goodness that me and my brother were not at home) and shot my dad three times at point blank range, in the head, then the chest, and then in the stomach for no real reason at all. They did not taken anything (not money, jewelry, or tools). They just killed him to be killing him, I guess. The reason I'm telling you all this is one night, not to long ago, I was sitting around thinking about how much I miss my dad and what my life would have been like with him still around. For some reason I started to write something down, to be honest I really don't remember writing anything at all but when I got done I looked at what I thought was going to be a bunch of doodles on the paper and to my surprise this is what I had wrote:
To my dearest friend,
l stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
l spoke to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It’s me I haven't left you I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached out to me.
I was with you at the shop today; your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you, that I'm not laying there.
I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for your keys.
I gently put my hand on you, I smiled and said it's me.
You looked so very tired, and sink into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away.”
You sit there very quietly, and smiled. I think you knew
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over, I smile and watch you yawning and say,
"goodnight" "God bless.” "I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out then come home to me.
I hope that y ‘all enjoyed reading my dead dad's poem that he wrote me the other day and if you all are anything like me you are more than likely wiping tears from your eyes too. Thanks for reading and share this...maybe it will help somebody out one day, I know it did for me.
~Fragel
If you are dealing with grief, there are ways to cope. Get your free guide to help you understand and cope with the stages of grief:
Relationships with others are essential to our emotional health. However, it’s sometimes hard to see what’s best for ourselves when we’re invested in a relationship.
And then there are toxic relationships. These are the relationships that, if not corrected, could become extremely harmful. They are not necessarily hopeless, but require a lot of work to be corrected. Spotting a toxic relationship isn’t always easy since many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. Fortunately, there’s been a lot of recent psychological study into healthy and happy relationships and there are some principles that pop up consistently.
– Passive aggression
– Arguing without communication
– Extreme jealousy
– Feelings of low self-worth
– Being secretive/hiding things from one another
– Constantly bringing up past mistakes in present arguments
– Avoiding one another
– Physical violence
– Wishing that things were as they once were in the relationship
– Feelings of unfaithfulness
Just because a relationship has taken a toxic course does not mean that it cannot be fixed through time and hard work. However, it does not mean that things must always be fixed.
There is nothing wrong with admitting that a relationship has run its course. Oftentimes there are a lot of things that we put up with simply because the pain that relationships bring us is less intimidating than the pain of letting go of the people that we love.
But we must remember to make ourselves a priority and put our well-being before anything else, even if it isn’t always easy. Even if you cannot imagine your life without a person, with time and distance, you will realize that you are healthier without the presence of the relationship.
This guest blog is written by Madison, blogger for You Matter, a part of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and a safe space for youth to discuss and share stories about mental health and wellness.
For information on how to meet, make, and maintain good friendships, check out:
Alcohol is the most harmful drug, even worse than heroin and crack cocaine. ~Dr. David Nutt
Does this statement shock you? It is the truth. Dr. David Nutt is a professor of neuropsychopharmacology at Imperial College London. He studies how drugs affect the mind. In this video interview, he explains why alcohol is the number one drug problem in the U.K., even worse than heroin and crack cocaine.
Maybe you drink with your friends and tell yourself, "Well at least I don't do drugs." (Read about the Opioid Epidemic) That is a lie, because in fact alcohol is a drug. Or maybe you think to yourself, "There's nothing wrong with drinking beer." Beer is alcohol and alcohol is a drug. I want to share some facts with you about alcohol and alcohol addiction that will hopefully change your thinking about this toxic and dangerous drug.
Here are some facts you may not know about alcohol. I want you to see that alcohol addiction is a BIG problem:
So if alcohol is such a dangerous drug WHY are so many people using it? Because alcohol is a profitable industry. Did you know that total alcoholic beverage sales in the United States alone was 219.52 billion U.S. dollars in 2015? And even the government benefits from taxes paid on the sales of alcohol.
Alcohol companies spend about $2 billion every year advertising in the United States to sell you lies, convincing you that alcohol will make you happy or beautiful or fun or relaxed. The people in the ads are always skinny, attractive, smiling, and surrounded by friends. They are trying to make it look appealing, safe, natural, and normal. And they start early turning you into a consumer.
Look at this baby bottle shaped like a champagne flute. The truth is that alcohol causes weight gain, makes your skin wrinkle prematurely, causes cancer, damages your brain, and more. Alcohol addiction is not pretty or happy or fun. I want you to know the truth about alcohol so you can have a reason to say no when someone tries to hand you a drink. If you have already ventured down that path and are struggling please download our free eBook below. Don't fall for the lies.
References:
Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth
World Health Organization
National Survey on Drug Use and Health
Scientific Study: "Drug harms in the UK"
Facts from "Alcohol Action Ireland"
Mandisa was so sweet when she spoke to us, and the really cool thing is that she is not ashamed to talk about her struggles. She is authentic and real and brings a lot of raw emotion into her music!
Mandisa's new album, Out of the Dark, is based on personal experience. She says God has pulled her out of the dark and now she has a renewed passion for her music and a willingness to be transparent and vulnerable about the challenges she faced the last several years.
Depression can be a deep, dark hole that sucks you in further and further. It can be all-consuming, and you can feel like there is no hope. Depression can be a struggle all of its own or it can stem from so many other things like anxiety, grief, relationship issues, and abuse. If you are in that dark place right now or have been there, you are not alone. Singer, songwriter, and Grammy winner, Mandisa has been very transparent about the deep depression she faced in the last few years, and she tells TheHopeLine what it was like. She says that, at one point, she was comfortable in that dark place. She explains, "I shut out everyone; I shut out God; I shut out everyone who loved me. I hardly left my house. I stayed in my house every day. I ate and I watched television, and I've never been more miserable in my life."
When you are in a deep depression, it's all-consuming, so it's very hard to make positive steps to move forward or get help. Mandisa was in a depression for about 3 1/2 years until she reached a turning point. Mandisa said God showed her 3 things:
1. We have to walk in community with one another. - "There's a difference between needing time to re-energize and isolating and shutting out the world." Her loved ones loved her too much to leave her where she was. Friends and family are important!
2. Stop focusing on your mistakes in the past. - "I had to stop battling with shame because of all the mistakes I made."
3. Look for those flickers of light that come in so many places. - "Darkness is overwhelming, but it only takes one flicker of light to chase out that darkness."
If you’re struggling with depression, please reach out for support today. You can chat with a Hope Coach. It's free and confidential.
Mandisa's Grammy-winning song "Overcomer" was written for her best friend, Kisha, to encourage her while she was battling breast cancer. Mandisa later wrote "Prove Me Wrong" from the anger she was feeling after her friend died. She says the song is not tied up with a pretty Christian bow, but it's honest and heartfelt. She says through her grief she learned, "When you are dealing with grief, you have to bring that to the Lord, or you are going to bring it somewhere else."
If you or a friend need support right now, please visit the suicide prevention resource page. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.
When you think of ways to help in your fight against pornography [or any addiction], how often do sleep, food, and exercise come up?
You might be surprised at how often research connects compulsive patterns to these basic lifestyle factors—especially what we call the Big Three— sleep, food, and exercise. Each of these makes a huge difference in the quality of our mood and our overall mental and emotional well-being — including depression and anxiety, or how well we can focus our attention at any given moment.
But you don’t need any scientist to tell you that. Think of the last time you binged on sweets or spent the whole day sitting around inside. When we’re paying closer attention, something that seems pleasant at the moment can tank our mood over time. And when we don’t feel well, it’s all too easy to scramble for some way—any way—to feel better. Let’s take a closer look at each of the Big Three, and how they can help you on your journey to freedom.
Research studies consistently find that both teenagers and adults are seriously deprived of sleep. For most of us, we’re simply not getting what we need.
Sufficient sleep is especially crucial for anyone wanting to find freedom from addiction. Not only does the brain recharge and repair during sleep, but there are also ripple effects that impact the whole body. Going without sleep has been connected to lower immune function, serious disease, and weight gain – as well as impaired ability to reason and think clearly.
When you’re tired, you’re just not yourself; your brain’s not running at full capacity.
Bottom line: a tired body and cloudy mind will leave you vulnerable and less prepared to fight.
Make healthy amounts of sleep a top priority. If anything is getting in the way of getting enough sleep, take it very seriously, because if it’s interfering with your sleep, it’s probably messing with your freedom, too.
In addition to sleep, another way to recharge your body is to check out what kind of fuel you’re giving it.
How far would you get in your car if you put maple syrup or Coca-Cola in the gas tank? It sounds dumb, but let’s be honest: we’re sometimes just as dumb with our own bodies by taking in stuff the body hardly recognizes as nourishment. And then we act surprised when the body doesn’t run so well…
Want to build strength in this battle? Take a look at the food you’re taking in.
Rather than only listening to others tell you what to eat, why not listen to your own body – try paying closer attention to what your body needs and wants.
Alright, one more example. While recharging your body through rest and good fuel is important, if you want to supercharge it, then try something radical: move around more!
Although there is a lot of discussion about physical activity these days, we still do a ton of sitting around.
You might be asking what the problem is with sitting so much. So, let’s look at the facts: without enough movement and activity, we are starving our brain in another way and setting ourselves up for the same old patterns.
What about the reverse? What if we bumped up our activity level? In the late 1990s, Dr. Van Praag and his colleagues at the Laboratory of Genetics at the Salk Institute in San Diego, California, showed that exercise increases neurogenesis (or the birth of new brain cells).
When you exercise, a flood of oxygen heads to your brain, and several other processes are triggered that help your brain grow.
So, by exercising, we’re rewiring the brain in a healthy way and giving our brain an extra boost to function at peak performance.
Studies are showing that poor health can cause us to be more susceptible to impulsive decisions. When we are tired, hungry, or in bed all day, it can be much harder to resist those cravings when they come. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Even simple adjustments in the Big Three – sleep, diet, and exercise – can supercharge your path to freedom in surprising ways.
There are countless ways to strengthen your defenses and Fortify yourself. By recharging your body with the sleep, fuel, and energy it needs, you can give yourself an even better shot at kicking porn to the curb, for good. We may not be running this marathon with you, but we are cheering for you the whole way.
This post was originally published on Fortify, it has been reused with permission by The Fortify Team. Fortify was specifically designed to help individuals (particularly young people) struggling with pornography eventually reach long-lasting freedom.
If you have a pornography addiction, don't let it stand in the way of who you want to become...check out Fortify! Their core strategies help you to get to the root of your addiction so you can find long-lasting freedom.
For more information on how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography, check out our eBook.
Selfies. You either love them or you hate them, there really hasn’t been a great in-between space. In a world where our reflection matters, what young women want most is to feel comfortable in their own skin. Everyone wants self-acceptance, belonging, and a deep understanding that we are loved. We want to feel beautiful or handsome and to exude the courage to show up for our very own God-created destiny, and society gives us many ways to express that. We want to be recognized for who we are, what we love, and what we accomplish. We want our friends to see us, and we want to be celebrated.
Yet peeling back the mask of shame, we often have a hard time fully connecting to our identity. There’s a muddy space in the middle of where we want to be and where we are. We may get sidetracked by what we see of others, of what they are doing and experiencing and sharing with their world. We start to compare and contrast, get jealous or get even, we sometimes even forget what we really look like. Before we know it, an hour has passed.
And in the midst of this mind-game jungle, we hold a phone up to our face and we “click”. Then we look deeper. Here is where we may start to sigh or invite self-hatred, ask for a do-over, or look away in disgust. Here we also might surprise ourselves and light up a bit, encouraged by what “faults” might not have been caught by the camera or what hue our eye color gleams that we never saw before.
It’s the journey into the selfie. Who am I? What is my identity, where do I belong, and what do I do with my life? In a society where we are all trying so desperately to connect, we take a snapshot, share it, and wait for others to react. We also react to others and take inventory of what we like and don’t like.
Social media has quickly moved to the forefront of many of our daily interactions. It is used instead of coffee dates or real dates, always in the back of our mind for sharing our current experience with the world. As a culture, we want to feel known and loved. We want to share, be heard, and contribute, yet how we do that can either make us or break us.
Social connection in this type of form is probably not disappearing any time soon. Technology is here and here to stay. There are, though, a few helpful tips that can aid in bringing balance to a culture that can sometimes be difficult to navigate.
Though these questions don’t cover all the bases, they can give you a great start to reclaim your identity, your peace, and your purpose! Sometimes it can be difficult to not feel “connected” to an online world; however, it can be even more devastating not to be connected to your own peace and purpose. Start with these few introductory questions and ask God to be part of your journey into identity. When He is the driving force to what you see in yourself, you are always sure to win. His best intentions at heart, you’ll never feel left out, lonely, or depressed. You’ll be sure to love yourself well when you can love yourself from the inside-out!
To hear more about a teenager’s journey into self-confidence, connection, and acceptance, check out Sarah’s book “How to take a Selfie: A Social Media Detox to Regain Confidence and Connection” on Amazon. Sarah is a wife, mother, author, and artist. She loves to write and create and spread that joy on social media. Through a painful past and a reclaimed future, she’s learned that true identity can be found best from the inside-out. She loves to share how God has healed her soul and turned her messy, yet divine process into something beautiful.
