How to Deal With My Dad Dying and My Best Friend Too?

Raquel is struggling with how to deal with her dad dying and her best friend too. She has had so much loss in her life and she’s turned to smoking, drinking, and sex to try to make herself feel better. Dawson narrows down her issues to her anger at God.

Struggling with Loss

Raquel (Palm Beach, FL) QUESTION:

Raquel: I’ve had a lot of loss in my life over the last couple of years. My dad died 3 years ago in a car accident and I lost my best friend about 6 months ago. I’ve always had a strong relationship with the Lord. Over the last year, I feel I’ve lost a lot of my faith.

DAWSON MCALLISTER’S ANSWER:

Dawson: Why do you feel that way?

Raquel: I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s because of anger. Personally, I don’t believe the Lord took them from me, but I’ve had a hard time with death and accepting it.

Dawson: What have you been doing that’s making the problem even worse?

Raquel: I’ve developed so many addictions. I can’t quit smoking and I’ve developed a problem with drinking and I also have a problem with sexual addiction. I use it so I can feel something because sometimes I feel really cold inside but afterward, I don’t feel any different. I still feel the same way. And I have a problem with depression and anxiety. I have so many things inside of me and addictions, I don’t know how to stop or who to ask to help me to stop. I’m really insecure about things in my life right now, especially my faith.

Dawson: Let me ask you this. We have a whole web of issues, but we have a core issue. The core issue is you’re angry and you’re angry at God and you’re turning against your value system every which way. So, these false feel-goods, whatever they may be…smoking, drinking, sex, will all turn on you and, in the end, you will feel even more dead, more shame, more guilt than ever. I would find a minister or a counselor and I would say we need to get to the bottom of this. You have not grieved properly and until you do, all this other drama and circus in your life will keep right on going. The problem in your life, the circus (the false feel goods) in your life will turn around and bite you and hurt you. We need to stop this show right now.