Abusive Relationships: Will I Ever Be Back to Normal After Leaving Abuse?

If you are a survivor of abuse, you know that the pain of abuse doesn’t go away after leaving an abusive relationship. Emotions are complicated, and the pain caused by your abuser can affect you in unpredictable ways.

I understand if you want to start getting back to normal after abuse. No one likes to feel tossed back and forth by emotions, and no one likes having pain that it feels like no one else can understand.

You can heal and reclaim your life after abuse, but it is a process, and it takes daily effort. The good news is that you don’t have to heal after abuse alone.

I’m here for you and there are a lot of other people on this journey with you. Here are a few things abuse survivors have shared with me that have helped them find greater healing and wholeness.

Be Truthful About What Happened

Don’t minimize or excuse the abusive behavior that you experienced. Acknowledging the truth of what happened and the depth of pain it has caused you to people you trust is a way to ensure you are more fully healed. Just as you wouldn’t hide your symptoms of illness from a doctor if you wanted to recover from an illness, it’s important not to hide the truth about your abuse from yourself or from others entrusted with helping you.

Do Not Contact Your Abuser

Do everything you can to ensure that you and your abuser are not in contact. Delete their contact information, block them on social media, and do not answer any communication you may receive from them. If you have friends who still see or know your abuser, let them know you cannot discuss that person, and ask them to respect your need for a total break from your abuser.

Make a safety plan that ensures you are protected if you see your abuser in spite of avoiding them. People in your circle of support can help you make this plan.

Put Your Health First

The cycle of abuse can be draining and depleting, especially in a long-term relationship. When you leave an abusive relationship, it takes a while for your energy to be what it was.

It’s very important that you prioritize your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health. Don’t overextend yourself or overcommit to things, people, and activities that make you feel exhausted or frazzled. Caring for yourself is priority number one.

Ongoing Support is a Must

True healing from abuse can’t last without support from professionals trained in abuse recovery. Seek therapy, talk to your doctor, and pursue whatever medication or treatment your support team recommends for your well-being.

You can also find support through support groups for abuse survivors. These groups have a deep understanding of both the pain you’re experiencing and how to find peace after leaving an abusive person.

Many people I’ve talked to say that spiritual healing was key to their emotional healing. I understand if the pain you’ve been through makes it hard to believe in God. But He cares about you deeply and He can help your heart heal in ways you’d never expect.

While a support group or a prayer group can't replace a doctor, therapist, or psychiatrist, everything you do for support works together to heal the different parts of you (mind, body, and spirit) that have been hurt by abuse.

I’ve seen TheHopeLine be part of healing after abuse for many people. If you need extra support, talk to a HopeCoach who can be there to listen as you’re recovering after abuse. Know that you are loved, and we are always here for you.

Does your partner get angry often? This behavior could become abusive. Read my blog to learn the difference between anger and abuse.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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