My Interview with Lacey Sturm

Interview with a Rock Princess on True Love: Lacey Sturm (Formally of Flyleaf)

Lacey Sturm…you probably know who she is but just in case you don’t, she co-founded the rock band, Flyleaf, and was their lead singer for 10 years until going solo.  Now she has debuted her solo project, Life Screams.

But I’m really here to tell you about her deep and personal memoir that was just released this month, The Mystery: Finding True Love in a World of Broken Lovers.  I got the privilege of reading her book and interviewing her about it.  She was a sweetheart during our interview and really poured out her heart.

She has had her struggles and she is not afraid to talk about them!  She wants others to learn from her experiences and she wants to help people!  I haven’t met too many rock princesses but I doubt many of them would be willing to be so vulnerable and share such personal experiences in order to help others.

In her book, Lacey talks about orphan identity.  Lacey grew up fatherless, and so her perspective of who and what a father is, was based on her not having a father and also observing other fathers who had neglected, abused, or abandoned their daughters.  In her book, Lacey wrote: “My orphan heart thought to be loved by someone was for them to save me.  I didn’t understand that the only person who can save me is God.  My orphan heart thought love was to complete someone else and to be completed by them.  I didn’t understand that when two people who aren’t whole try to complete each other they both end up with less than when they started.  I didn’t understand that the only one who can make a person whole is God.”

Lacey talked more about this orphan identity in our interview (by the way, I’ve been cut out of the video feed because…if we are being real here…we all just really want to see Lacey, don’t we!?!):

As Lacey says, with an orphan mindset, you feel like a burden on others.  You don’t want to burden anyone with your problems so you don’t reach out for help or accept help when it’s offered.  We (people in general) have an innate need for community with other people.  Our society teaches us to be independent and to make it on our own, but in truth, we need each other.  We need someone in our corner…friends or family to be “our people.”  We need them to support us, to encourage us when we are down, to celebrate with us when things are good, to listen when we need to talk, to give us wisdom when we don’t see clearlySo, don’t be afraid to make deep connections with people.  Don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you are struggling because you aren’t meant to carry your burdens alone.

Lacey Sturm is a supporter of TheHopeLine!!

Lacey talked about being purposeful with your heart, emotions, and displays of love in her book and in our interview.  She points out that if you aren’t purposeful then you risk falling in and out of love, over and over, according to your circumstances, whims, and ignorance.  She explains how to be purposeful with your heart:

Lacey says, “There are boundaries for knowing when it’s safe to let your emotions lead you and when it’s time for you to lead them.”
Two of the boundaries she set up for herself to be purposeful with her heart was: 

1. Have people in her life who loved her and have people she would listen to no matter what, especially when it came to wisdom regarding relationships.

2. And she wrote down a vision of what she wanted in a husband.

Then she took her vision to God and asked Him to help her so that she would listen when God said, “Not yet,” or "No,” and that way she would know the relationship was safe and she wasn’t just manipulating the situation or tricking herself into thinking it’s good, like she’s done in the past and then been hurt by it.
The one thing Lacey wants someone to take away from reading her book is:

“God is the true love that we are always searching for.  And everything that we find that makes our hearts come to life is actually a reflection of who He is.  This world is just a shadow of His love for us and so when we get infatuated with some part of His creation, we have to recognize that there is an artist behind it.  And when we put all of our stock in a person or anything—a talent, a gift, a calling, something in nature, something beautiful, art—then all of a sudden we’ve stopped short of what we’re going after and that thing will always let us down, if we make it out to be God before we get to God himself.  He is the only one who can be God for us.”

In her book, she shares raw, honest, and personal stories that will give you insight into not only her life but your own as well.  She also has these letters dispersed throughout the book called, Hero Notes.  She has people; such as, Evan Tachoir, Brian Welch, Stephana Mosely, Joshua Sturm, Korey Cooper, and many more. They each write a letter to ‘the reader’ with words of encouragement and wisdom they have learned through their experiences.  There is some really good stuff in there! 

Connect with Lacey Sturm:

TheHopeLine Team
For over 30 years, TheHopeLine has been helping students and young adults in crisis. Our team is made up of writers and mental health professionals who care deeply about helping others.
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53 comments on “My Interview with Lacey Sturm”

  1. I would love to win a copy of this book because her struggles are my own. I struggle with having an absent father and seeing God as a father. I really believe this book could help me overcome the rest of my struggles that I have yet to deal with. Thank you for doing this contest! God bless!

  2. Would love a copy of this book. I love how Lacey makes everything so personal and that you can relate with her. I have struggled with depression and feeling worthy of love for a long time. I am married but somedays I still feel alone.

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