Feeling Pressure To Rush Into Marriage?
Aaron asked: Why are some girls in such a hurry to get married? To me, only six months to a year of dating is way too fast.
Marriage is a huge step of trust and commitment between two people. It takes a tremendous amount of hard work and self-sacrifice. It is heaven if you’re ready for it–and hell if you’re not. It should never be entered into lightly. There are, however, many women and some men who feel like they can’t be a complete person unless they are married. Many of them are looking for another person to solve their many problems and help them feel whole. As I have mentioned many times, only God can meet our deepest needs. It is so important two people come together out of their strengths, and not their weaknesses. Never ask your marriage partner, or anyone else for that matter, to meet the needs only God can meet.
Women are also driven to marriage out of an inborn desire to have children. Studies show some women are waiting longer to have children, yet the desire to be a mother can be very strong, even at a young age. And many rightly understand how raising children is more effective within a committed marriage relationship. This pressure to have children sometimes pushes a woman into making a rushed decision about who she will marry. Some tend to forget that who you marry is the second most important decision you will ever make.
There is no specific length of dating that is the magic amount required before getting married.
Family members can also be guilty of putting undo pressure on single women to get married. Sadly, some families believe being single makes one a second class family member. Even most movies or television shows point out how the happiest women are always the ones falling in love, and living happily ever after. All that being said, there is no specific amount of time dating that is the magic amount required before getting married. It has more to do with the maturity of the people in the relationship, and their true understanding of love and commitment.
Jenn asked: I am 20 and married. My biggest fear in my relationship is becoming unattractive to my husband. My question is: should I expect him to always feel attracted to me, no matter how old or fat I get? Or should I anticipate a reaction from him accepting me for me, but not being as attracted as he is now?
Thank you for the vulnerability of your question. You will never be able to completely control how attracted your husband is to you, just like you didn’t control his attraction to you when you first started dating. His attitude about accepting the way you look is completely up to him. However, being attractive to your husband is important. It shows you understand the way he thinks and what attracts him. The majority of men are attracted to the physical. As you get older, it is extremely important you stay in the best possible shape you can, both physically and emotionally. Do this, not simply for your husband, but also for yourself.
If your husband knows you are committed to him, he will be appreciative of any efforts you make to be attractive to him. After all, he won’t be getting any younger either. Yet, what makes a marriage work is not the physical alone. If that were true, there would be no divorces in Hollywood! In the end, the love and commitment you have toward your spouse will come from your soul, based on shared experiences and deep respect for each other. That is why you will see people who are very old, and have lost almost all of their physical attractiveness, still loving each other deeply. Marriage is ultimately about building a life with another person, possibly raising children, but most definitely living out God’s plan for your life together.