I wasn't really close to God. In fact, I was far away from Him.
My History of Sexual Abuse
I blocked my childhood sexual abuse memories. I was sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend for 4 years. My family believes that my mom's boyfriend is innocent, and nice. They don't believe me when I say he abused me. My family still sees me as a child. They refuse to respect me as an adult, and still cross my boundaries.
Then I went to college and was sexually abused by my tutor. I felt worthless and depressed. I felt like no one believed me. I became obsessed with my tutor. He had lied to me, saying he didn't have a girlfriend, but I found out he did. So, I began constantly checking my tutor's girlfriend's pictures to see how he was doing. I couldn't stop it and no matter how many times I blocked her, I kept unblocking her and seeing all the pictures of him and her together. He is a cheater, and I was the other girl, the girl he raped.
Alone and Wanting to Die
So, my family thinks I'm confusing my mom's boyfriend with the tutor who hurt me sexually. They also believe what happened with my tutor is my fault. I was so hurt by my own family. They said they would be there for me if anything happened, but this happened, and they don't believe me. They are not there for me.
So, in December, I wanted to kill myself. I never had the guts, but I was asking God every night to kill me because I felt so alone in this giant world.
God Saved Me through TheHopeLine
Then I thought of going to crisis hotline and I ended up coming here, to TheHopeLine. I was looking for something that was Christian to help me rebuild and get closer to God. As I chatted with the HopeCoach who was online helping me, I realized that I never accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. I was so desperate to feel better and not feel alone that I decided to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior that night and got saved!!!
TheHopeLine chat is the literally the best hotline ever!!! I come here when I have some issues and it is the best! I always feel better after chatting here. Thank you!!! God bless you!!