Stop the Heartbreak - 4 Things to Avoid

Nobody gets into a relationship intending to get hurt. However, it seems like to have a relationship at all, especially a dating relationship, puts you at risk of being hurt or rejected by a person you care about very much. Anything worthwhile has its risks. I agree with the old saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

4 Ways to Avoid Heartbreak

Not to love is to make our lives empty, cold, and in deep need. That being said, it still hurts a lot when someone you love rejects you. Let’s face it, we are imperfect people who have relationships with other flawed humans. Hurt and unmet dreams are inevitable.

However, what DOESN’T have to happen once your heart has been broken is for you to heap more heartbreak on top of it. There are some common mistakes people make that add further insult to injury, so to speak.

Here are four things to avoid:

1. Don’t date destructive people.

Some people want to experience love again so badly they end up getting involved with all the wrong people. I talk a lot about this in my blogs about love addiction. These people have no real idea who the person is they think they are in love with.
Some relationships are simply not worth the drama. You can save yourself a lot of pain if you commit to only dating people who are stable and have their act together. Relationships are challenging enough. Why shed needless tears by getting involved with dysfunctional people.

2. Don’t overreact or seek revenge.

When someone you love rejects you, it’s easy to overreact. The pain and confusion from a breakup can cause you to do just about anything to win your bf/gf back OR to cause them pain through revenge. So be sure to think twice before:

  • Posting anything to social media. Once it’s out there the world will see…even if you later delete it. A day later you might wonder “What was I thinking?”  and be embarrassed. The fact is, you weren’t thinking. You were reacting.
  • Behaving obsessively, such as driving by your ex’s house 100 times or calling your ex over and over again. These kinds of reactions will just make your self-esteem sink lower. Hold your head high and go on with life.
  • Trashing their reputation or possessions. Revenge never makes you feel better about yourself. Even if you feel they deserve it. Now you just sunk to their level.

Embarrassing yourself only makes the pain worse and slows down the healing process.

Kate realizes her desperation isn’t helping, but doesn’t know what else to do, “I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months last week. I know 6 months isn’t that long a time, but I completely gave myself to him. I would drive 74 miles (one way) to see him, sometimes several times a week. He never came to see me. He also told me that he didn’t love me, and he never would. Instead of breaking it off and trying to heal myself like a normal person, I would do just about anything to keep the relationship going. I can’t live without him, and my heart is genuinely broken." (Kate)

3. Don’t over-analyze.

Some people (and this may be you) are big-time dwellers. They spend hours analyzing every last detail about the relationship. Over-analysis of a broken relationship only leads to confusion, depression, and a massive waste of time.
These people always end up getting confused and coming to the wrong conclusion because they cannot look at the situation in a balanced way. They end up either worshiping their ex or hating them for what has happened. Once you’ve thought through what went wrong with the relationship and what was good about it, let it go or you will cause yourself unnecessary drama and heartache.

4. Don’t go into rebound dating.

While it is important to move on and be around other people, beware of rebound dating. Rebound dating is when you jump into a new relationship without getting to know the person in the hopes that this new relationship will heal your broken heart. Unfortunately, rebound dating usually results in another breakup and more heartbreak.

Rebound dating also causes you to compare the new person with your last love. Comparing others never works. You likely have a distorted view of your last love. No one will meet those standards.

Try dating just for fun or hanging out just to get to know people better. "I get all depressed over something that was totally a waste of time and tears. Then, I go right back to guys to try to solve the problem and it starts all over again."(CJ) CJ is a rebounder. Try not to fall into that trap.

If you have the capacity to love, then you have the capacity to be hurt. For more help with heartbreak, read this blog.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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