How to Get Free From Love Addiction

Is There Help for Love Addiction?

I have written a few articles on love addiction, and I have learned so much about it and how it affects you, me, and just about everybody else. A love addict is relatively easy to spot within ourselves and in others.

For example, if you are a love addict, you no doubt obsessively and compulsively try to relieve or medicate the deep pain in your life through romantic relationships.

Once in a relationship, you feel you can't live without the other person, and you will do whatever you have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn't work, you panic and will do whatever you have to do to get into a new relationship.

No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try

Just looking at this definition makes us think of how many people, including ourselves, in one way or another fit this description. Think of all the desperate, wounded people there are on the treadmill of what they think is love, and yet they can't get off.

They're searching for someone who will heal them and make them feel whole, but that person is not out there. No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try, but yet we keep on searching.

My mom used to say, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. The only problem with love addiction is there isn't even a needle to be found.

It's one thing to know what love addiction is. It's still another to break away from its chains. I received a very direct and candid comment from Sarah.

Dawson, do you really think it is possible to be cured? I'm not sure. Doesn't the saying go, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic?' So then, once a love addict, always a love addict?' I've learned how to deal with the external stuff that stems from a love addiction, but the internal struggle is often pretty intense. I don't think I am cured. I think I just learned to practice self-control in relation to the symptoms. The craving' hasn't just disappeared. How do you fix the inside stuff? (Sarah)

Yes Sarah, there are cures to love addiction. It won't be easy, but the struggle and the journey to find healthy relationships and peace are well worth it. So, let's begin.

To Get Free of Love Addiction

To get free from love addiction, we must clearly understand how deeply the cravings for love penetrate our hearts. It's what comes out of our hearts that affects everything else we do. There is no deeper emotional desire we have than to love and be loved.
King Solomon, who's been called the wisest man in the Bible, said,

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Emotionally, our hearts are extremely fragile and can be easily hurt, therefore sending us in the wrong direction of life. Our innermost being started out as a beautiful creation of God, but with wrong choices we can easily trash it and leave it sick and in great need.

Picture in your mind for a moment a beautiful white carpet (perfectly white). Then picture someone coming into the room where the white carpet is, and throwing garbage, manure, and staining paint all over the carpet. The white carpet was never designed to be trashed like that. Something beautiful has become disfigured. That is a lot like our hearts. We, and other people, do not guard our hearts and therefore they become stained and damaged.

It is heartbreaking for me to see how many people simply throw their hearts away allowing themselves to be repeatedly hurt while trying to soothe their heart. They go from one relationship to another to another to another on the treadmill of tragedy.

Before long, their whole life is ruined. there is more to life than your partner. To have them playing God is too much to ask. I know because I did the same and now [my boyfriend] has hurt me and left. This was going to happen anyway, my mother left me and I leaned too much on him causing the stress on his shoulders. I don't blame him for leaving, but [what] he said hurt and I'll never get over that for those who seek something more and personal need to find it within themselves. Address the problem and take time to heal. If you don't, it could be worse, and you could lose everything plus more (Tori) 

Tori is absolutely right. If you don't guard your heart, you could end up losing what's most important in life love.
So where does the healing for love addiction begin? It begins by admitting our hearts are priceless and affect every area of our lives. We must make a commitment to protect our hearts and not just throw them away looking for love in people and places where love cannot be found. Let us all respect our own hearts.

Think you may be struggling with self-worth or self-hate? Download this free eBook from TheHopeLine.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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39 comments on “How to Get Free From Love Addiction”

  1. I've been married for 20 years. But I have always searched for something more. I thought I found it but was just a mirage. She used me to make someone jealous then left me without a word. Thankfully there was another friend there but all my feelings went to her. Problem was she is married too and a sex addict. We spent all our free time chatting and video chatting. 2 years we did this then she started to pull away. After she almost destroyed her marriage with a one night stand, she has found an old friend and cheating again. Now she has made me a small priority and I'm being a bad friend because I don't support this. I beg for her attention but feel rejected. The harder I try to hold onto her, the more it hurts. I've even now started looking for the next. And my wife has one idea of the monster she married. I don't know what I want or need. My heart craves my friend but I know we will never be and she will always cheat on her husband. Even though she has basically pushed me out and returned to bad things, I'm the one being a bad friend and I'm apologizing. I'd do anything to have things how they were. Even if it cost me my marriage. Don't know how to break free or restore my marriage. I just want to run from both of them.

    1. It sounds like you also may have a sexual addiction issue. It sounds like you desire closeness and intimacy but are going about it in an unhealthy way. Having an affair gives you a false high like a drug. Here is a definition of it - "Sexual addiction is an umbrella term that describes a variety of compulsive behaviors including having affairs. “Sexual addiction” is actually not about sex at all. It’s an intimacy disorder – using sexual activity or a relationship in a desperate search for connection, affirmation or love. Sex addiction is a coping mechanism – a way to medicate painful feelings, experiences and memories." There is hope for you and your wife. Our partner resource, Celebrate Recovery, would be a great place to start healing your marriage. Click this link to find a group near you -

  2. I loved my FRIEND more than he needed.
    He said that he could be physical but couldn't love.

  3. Beautifully written Paul .. i feel you have written my love story.. I am in the same situation fighting to change how I connect in relationship. I am still so deeply in love with my ex and feel I will never find the depth of connection again yet I know our push me .. pull me dynamics is killing our hearts .. I just with to be brace enough to let go of the constant need to contact him

  4. you have to change your bad opinion about yourself that is causing your depression ,you feel bad because your ego is feeling bad , its hard to change that but that is the spot in this situation ,,go for this ,you will have results .

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