Do I own my love addiction?
Click here for the definition of love addiction. Breaking the chains of love addiction might be one of the most difficult battles to fight. True, there is no physical withdrawal from breaking love addiction. But the emotional effects of trying to break away are all but overwhelming. Love addiction attacks us at the core of our being. It touches our heart, the very seat of our emotions and affections. There may be nothing more powerful in our lives than the desire to love and be loved. That is why it is so important we take care of our hearts, and not go crazy trying to meet our deepest needs in ways that can be destructive for a lifetime.
Last week, we talked about the words of King Solomon when he said, Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. How I wish each of us had heeded the words of the wisest man in the Bible. How many tearful nights and broken hearts could have been saved. There have been literally millions of people who have ruined their lives with destructive relationships, all the while thinking they had found love and sold their souls to keep it.
Some of the signs of love addiction are:
- finding it unbearable or emotionally difficult to be alone
- choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and/or verbally or physically abusive
Mariah said, “I got out of rehab for heroin and replaced that habit with what I now know is love addiction. I had never heard of this term before tonight. I listened to your radio show, and realized that I am most definitely a love addict. My boyfriend is abusive, but I am a slave to him, and for the most part, I don’t care. I am terrified of being alone.” She is honest about moving from one addiction (heroin) to another (love addiction).
So what can we do to break this love addiction that’s not really love at all? Real love never destroys, but only builds up.
To break love addiction we must own it.
What do I mean when I say, we must OWN our addictions? According to the dictionary, one definition of to own is, to acknowledge or to admit. To break the cruel chains of love addiction, one must acknowledge and admit he/she is a full-blown love addict.
To break the cruel chains of love addiction, one must acknowledge and admit he/she is a love addict. That means there’s no denial, cover up, pretending, or head games with ourselves. It means to agree from the very core of our being that love addiction has taken over our lives. This is never easy to do.
Amy said, “I believe it is hard for people to admit due to the fact that they may not see it. Once they do that’s when their world comes crashing down. No one wants to believe they are with someone due to trying to run and/or hide from deep emotions.” When we own our addiction, we are saying some pretty tough things about ourselves.
3 Things that are not easy to admit when you have love addiction.
- No one wants to own the fact their life may be sadly empty.
None of us want to admit that due to our past or bad choices we often feel dead inside and only have a sense of being alive when we have the excitement of a boyfriend/girlfriend.
- No one wants to own the fact they were the victim of early abandonment when they were children.
Almost all love addicts were in some way abandoned by their caretakers when they were young. Just the thought of being abandoned and not being able to do anything about it can lead them to panic, fear, rage, and despair.
- No one wants to own the fact they have been living in a fantasy world.
Most all love addicts live in a fantasy world, and in that fantasy there is someone who will rescue them or make them feel completely loved, protected, secure, and full of value. Healthy relationships are wonderful and a gift from God, but no relationship can meet all those needs. As I say to callers on my radio show, There is no Santa Claus, or Easter Bunny, and no boyfriend/girlfriend can meet your deepest needs.It is so very difficult to let go of your fantasies and admit they weren’t true and will never happen.
I have listed just a few of the facts we must own in order to break the chains of love addiction.