8 Ways Of Overcoming Jealousy and Regaining Confidence In Your Relationship
Written By: Sonya Schwartz
The green eyed monster is an expression that depicts jealousy negatively. While there is a lot to say about being envious of another, there is even more to say about those who experience jealousy in a relationship. Over 77% of women have admitted to being jealous in their relationships, but the large measurement of this should not detract from the real issue at hand nor necessarily be viewed as negative. Jealousy is natural in a relationship, but whereas men must have that emotion triggered by an action, women seem to experience it without any real indication at all. Thankfully, there are countless ways to combat this jealousy, regain confidence within oneself, and to grow from the experience in a way that will subdue that green eyed monster forever.
Understand the Consequences: It Is Insulting
Ladies, it is understandable that this emotion cannot be controlled the majority of the time. Surely the actions that ensue from this emotion are able to be controlled, but the feeling tends to overcome all other internal feelings. However, one of the most effective ways to subdue this emotion in an attempt to abolish it, is to realize just how insulting it is for your partner. Chances are, your partner did not provide you with a reason to feel insecure nor jealous, so it is best to understand the emotional toll this is taking on them. When you feel a sense of compassion and empathy, other issues seem to vanish.
Embrace Your Originality: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
When you compare yourself to others in terms of physical looks, humor, affluence, and success, you are detracting from all of the wonderful things that you are. Being original is the greatest thing that you can be and though you might not believe this, there are people who desire to be just like you as well.
Fear Is Okay– You Will Survive
Being afraid to lose the person you are with is inevitable. However and though it may not be what you desire to do, creating an understanding that every action has a reason and that every outcome has a happy ending will allow you to simply live for the day rather than a future you are apprehensive about. Additionally, this jealousy might prematurely end the relationship, so it is best to be mindful of that.
Distinguish Between Fiction and Reality
The human mind is very convincing and endlessly tricky. Often times, you are able to believe the things that you are the most fearful of. Essentially, if you imagine that your partner is unfaithful, your brain’s natural reaction is to make sense of the overproduction of the fear and stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline, by creating scenarios in your mind that are untrue. Understand that what you imagine is not reality and remain aware of that fact each day.
Love Yourself by Understanding What You Offer
Once you realize the positive attributes about yourself, an understanding will be created that you are special and worthy enough for anyone, let alone your partner. Compile a list of what you enjoy about yourself and even enlist the help of your family or friends. Doing this will allow you to realize your worth and you will be surprised about how many qualities there are to appreciate about you.
Assess the Relationship: Why Did It Start?
Much like determining the positive characteristics of yourself, you should repeat the same process with your relationship. Answer the questions:
- Why did the relationship start?
- What makes it so special?
- Why did you and your partner chose one another over anyone else?
Answering these questions will strengthen both of you as a couple while concurrently abolishing your jealousy that has stemmed from uncertainty.
Talk About It to Determine the Cause of Jealousy
Hiding your jealousy will only weaken the relationship and put you in a dangerous spiral of self-dislike, sadness, and continual envy. The best route to take is to share your feelings with your partner. From there, assess where your jealousy could be coming from:
- Does your partner have a lot of female friends?
- Did they once give you a reason to feel protective?
- Are you battling low self-esteem?
All of these questions should be answered together and solutions should be proposed that will abate this problem.
Shift Your Focus to Something More Positive
Despite your efforts, jealousy sometimes continues to linger in your mind. This natural reaction is nothing to be ashamed of, but shifting your focus is of the utmost importance for when you feel as if you are in a losing battle. Consider taking up a hobby or really concentrating on being happy with your partner. Do more activities together, talk more together, and just share an honest policy in all that you do. Changing your environment is often the best way to form these life-changing habits.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, relationships are difficult. Women are creatures of habit, but few understand that negative habits result in irregular brain patterns that will only further contribute to an unfavorable lifestyle. Being mindful of yourself is always of the utmost importance while being open with your partner is crucial in abolishing certain mindsets entirely. Welcoming your individuality and what you have to offer is the most advantageous action, and altering your concentration to be more positive will lift the concerns if all else fails. Jealousy is natural and often inevitable, but it does not need to be a life sentence if you make necessary changes and accept it for what it simply is. You are not a green eyed monster but are instead a woman in tune with her feelings, a factor that is more admirable than unfavorable.
Sonya struggled for many years in finding ‘the one’ for her and went through many difficult relationships as a result. After nearly giving up, she met Greg to whom she is now happily married. She runs a blog at HerAspiration.com in which she recalls some of the bad experiences she had while dating, and hopes that by sharing her experiences she is able to make the journey for love a little bit easier for other women out there.