My Boyfriend Said If I Left Him, He’d Kill Himself

Ally’s frustrated with her boyfriend. He’s been cutting himself and broke down crying when she mentioned taking a break from their relationship.

ALLY'S (MINNEAPOLOS, MN) QUESTION:

Dawson: Hi, Allie.

Ally: Hey.

Dawson: Allie, you sound awful. What's going on?

Ally: My boyfriend is being irresponsible and immature. He needs to grow up and he needs to realize that what he's doing to himself is wrong.

Dawson: How long have you been dating this guy?

Ally: For a year now. I care for him a lot, but lately kind of like a brother thing.

Dawson: How’s he screwing up his life?

Ally: He’s cutting himself. I mentioned taking a break with him. He freaked out and I didn't even say break up. I said, a break for at least a couple of weeks, maybe a month or two. And he freaked out and he cut himself and he started to cry, and I don't know what to do.

Dawson: What happens if you stay with him?

Ally: There are other guys I'm interested in, and I don't want to hurt him if I stay with him and go with other guys, because that'd be just insensitive and rude and mean. But if I don't stay with him, I'm afraid he'll kill himself.

DAWSON MCALLISTER'S ANSWER:

Dawson: First of all, he's not going to kill himself and that'd be my prediction. Let's say, did kill himself. How would you at the age of 14 saying, I need a break, or I want to break it up and I want to date other guys, and he kills himself….How's that, that you're responsible again now?

Ally: He’s told me once or twice before if I ever left, he would kill himself.

Dawson: So, I suppose if he said, if you don’t get me a thousand dollars by tonight, I'll kill myself. If you don't have sex with me five times a week, I'm going to kill myself. You get the idea, go on and on with that. I know I don't carry the emotions for him that you do.

Ally: Yeah. And I want to stay friends with him. We've broken up once before. So, that's when he broke up with me.

Dawson: He didn't worry about you killing yourself. I mean, he, did it? But somehow if you do it, he'll kill himself. It's not fair. It’s manipulation. And if you really want to get down to it with you and me, you ready? You don't love him like you use to. You've had enough. You’d like a boyfriend that's a little bit more stable.

Ally: Yeah.

Dawson: So, are you going to marry him?

Ally: No.

Dawson: If you're not going to marry him, then somewhere along the line, you're going to break up. You know what that means…suicide city.

Ally: I've had a couple of my friends and my dad just killed himself. I've been through that trauma before multiple different times.

Dawson: Well, that sure would make it harder on you. That's not a good enough reason to stay. You're a prisoner. You're an emotional prisoner by your “boyfriend” and that is not love. Break up with him, Ally, and leave the results with God. Good talking to you.

Is your boyfriend or girlfriend manipulative? Find out more about emotional abuse and its effects.

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