I have been, for the last several weeks, blogging about cutting. It is not easy, or pretty. But neither is cancer, and we deal with it everyday. Cutting is a nasty, horrific addiction. There is nothing quite like it, short of suicide. Though most cutters would claim they don’t want to kill themselves, they just like the sight of their blood, and the high it brings. Andi said she’s been cutting for a year and a half, even though she doesn’t remember why she started.
Hours locked in the bathroom at home, or on the floor of a dirty bathroom stall, the cutter carries her precious tools with her wherever she goes ready at any time to take matters into her own hands. To relieve the emotional pressure and pain she can’t describe, she resorts to slicing into her own skin. The dripping blood reminds her she’s still alive. No one to talk to, she settles for self-injury. The blade is her fake friend. The shame and the scars, her constant companions. Just trying to find her way through the rocky road of life, she can’t help but turn inward.
I don’t want to be anything but compassionate toward someone caught in the struggle of cutting. But there is a time when it’s necessary to call it what it is and expose the destructive consequences of cutting.
Cutting Causes
1) Paralyzing, Emotional Pain
No one cuts to end up paralyzed in her own emotional pain. But somewhere down the road, that’s where she finds herself. Someone wrote and told me that after the high of cutting wears off, you are left with even more pain. I quit the cutting because someone once told me the truth, that you only forget about your emotional pain for a moment. It’s like a drug you come down from it and you feel much worse than you did before because you have to deal with the emotional pain that comes from cutting on top of whatever emotional pain you were already feeling.
Dara said she cut for two years, but still carries the weight of the emotional pain with her. The couple minutes of relief are not worth the months of hiding and uncomfortable situations when people find out.
People who begin cutting are convinced their self-medication works. It is a shattering experience to find out later on, not only does it not work, but it is extremely emotionally destructive.
2) A Body Full of Ugly Scars
One has to wonder how many countless hours and schemes cutters use to hide their physical scars…permanent reminders of their tragic mistakes. Eddie started cutting when he was twelve. I thought it was for me to take all my anger and frustrations out on myself, but I noticed the scars it leaves will always remind me of my mistakes.
Sidney is 14 and has been cutting since she was nine. Those scars are there forever and every time I see them I’m going to be so sad about why I [cut].
Cutting is an ugly scar-giving enemy, who will constantly remind you of a dark past you don't want to remember. Click To TweetNot only are you left with scars for the rest of your life, it’s also very possible to get infections from cutting with something that is dirty or not sterile. It is also extremely possible to misjudge the depth of a cut, actually requiring stitches or even hospitalization. You can pass out or even bleed to death. You don’t want to die, I’m sure of that. Let’s face it, cutting is an ugly scar-giving enemy, who will constantly remind you of a dark past no one would want to repeat, or remember.
3) A Sick Web of Addiction
Most cutters never intend to become addicted to it. Liz said, for her, cutting was worse than drugs because she wanted to do it all the time. You don’t care where you are…it’s almost like you can’t go on without it.
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How To Quit Cutting
Cutting can easily become a compulsive behavior, meaning the more you do it, the more you feel the need to do it. Your brain starts to connect the false sense of relief with cutting. The next time you feel the pressure building, your brain craves this relief. The urge to cut can seem too hard to resist. Your attempt to feel a sense of control over your life has ended up controlling you.
Cutting is an attempt to feel in control over your life, but ends up controlling you instead. Click To TweetJS commented about how all through high school she would try to stop, but then would go back to it shortly after. Then I would feel horrible when I finished cutting. The highs weren’t lasting as long and the crash was even worse. So I began cutting more, deeper, and more frequently. Being very interested in psychology I knew the chemical reasons, but I was already hooked and couldn’t stop.
You know I care about you very much…enough to tell you the truth. But let’s get down to it. If you are a cutter, it’s time for you step back and take a good look at what you’re doing to yourself. It’s time to tell yourself the truth. It’s also time to figure out how to resist your urge to cut.
Are you addicted to cutting?
- Does the cutting actually help you deal with the emotional pain you’re going through, or does it just cover it up?
- Do you feel more worthless and stupid the more scars you see on your body?
- Are your friends worried about your cutting?
- Do you spend large amounts of time trying to hide your cutting?
- Have you told yourself you want to quit, but can’t?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you or someone you know, needs to read, How to Quit Cutting for Good. It could be a life-changer.
If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook.
Is life worth living? Im one cut away from death and I went so deep into my arm and now im questioning if i wanna end my life but since i am little i was depressed and wanted to die. Now I cant do it and i m ashamed of myselfe not wanting to die because it s my lifedream. But i dont wanna go on with my life because its gonna leave som remarkable scars for my hole life and im sure im gonna get som psycho doc asking how my life is going and why i did this. why i stoped and so on. Its 1 52 my time gonna see what decision im gonna take. any way bye guy. thansks a lot. I dont want any response but it feels good to share it on a forum 😀
I started cutting when I was 11. It felt like my emotions were captured by cutting but it only made it worse. My sister was first to find out. She didn’t tell bc she understood but I stopped when she found out. Then my dad found out when he found out I completely stopped he means everything to me since then I haven’t touched a single knife/blade.
if my dad or siblings found out they would just yell at me, make it worse. I am 1* years old and have been cutting since 3rd grade, I know that’s insane but that is also what bullying brings. I moved schools only for things to get worse. I don’t know what I would do with myself if any family found out. My friends kinda just joke around and think that I am doing it as like a relateable thing. I laugh it off with them then go in the bathroom to cry and then find my self cutting with craft scissors from my pencil pouch. I am kind of just tired of it at this point, people not caring, thinking it is a joke, i am doing it for attention, I am over reacting. I am sick of it, I am so ugly and fat and i get bullied and mocked. I just wish I could go into a cocoon of people that care and stay there forever, or just be alone. If I told my family I would get in trouble, so I don’t know who to tell at this point.
Gina, We are so sorry you have been bullied and we want you to know we care. You are valuable and worthy and deserve better than this. Please reach out to our partner at Door of Hope. They have helped many teens, just like you, that are dealing with the overwhelming desire to cut. You can text them at at 1-803-570-2061 (Alternative No. 914-393-1904) Texting is available Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday 8:30 – 10:30 EST.
Their website is http://www.doorofhope4teens.org.
You can email them to doorofhope4teens@gmail.com (answered in 24/48 hrs)
If you ever feel so overwhelmed you can’t go on, please call:
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255
Or Chat with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
Or Crisis Text Line 27/7 by texting “Start” to 741-741
Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.
Take a chance and reach out to Door of Hope for help. You will be glad you did. They have helped many overcome self-harm.
I’ve been cutting for a while now. I started late in primary school and haven’t stopped since, im 19 now. Yes I’m addicted and I’m well aware that this isn’t a solution and that the only benefit if the temporary relief but if I don’t do something I will end up killing myself. I’m past the point of feeling guilty. My family know but they also understand why. I won’t stop until I feel like I’m further away from wanting to die
I cut because i wanted to know how it will feel. Soon enough i became addicted to it and its only been one day. I do not spill any blood but i do have lots of cuts where it is barely there. I like cutting but i want to stop. I am 14 this year and i hope to stop when i am 15. I cut out of fear, pain, sadness and happiness. I am insane and most likely need help but i want to solve this by myself. Thank you for listening to my rant.
I started cutting when I was 12. Throughout my late teens and early 20s I slowed down a lot but started drinking heavily. I then begun taking anti depressants with my heavy drinking and those emotional spirals were so intense my cuts required over 50 stitches. I was hospitalized and kept over night for observation. Now I have the ugliest scars and a beautiful daughter that I will have to one day explain why my arm is so horribly scarred. I know everyone has their own reasoning and they need to do whatever they think is helping them in the moment, but if I could take back those three slices one my left arm I would in a heartbeat.
I still haven’t stopped. I did this for 5 years as a teenager and recently started again.
I covered my old scars with tattoos. And when I thought about it, I figured when it started again… that I would do it in a place no one can see.
I’m not ready to stop. But I want to
-Nicole
I am 24 and have been suicidal since I was 5. I started cutting due to disgust at the world and the stress of living in it. I constantly have to make excuses for the marks and hide the underside of my arm from my co-workers. the addition is instant and strong. I must’ve cut myself 35 times in a period of two days after a lifetime of none. It’s been three days since I cut myself and I forcibly count the days, the hours. It’s still always in the back of your mind though, like the urge a reformed alcoholic feels to drink.
It’s the moment of control I feel. I am disgusted with so many things on this planet and can’t help or fix them, and it drive me crazy (certifiably I suppose, if I’m a suicidal cutter) It just feels so good to numb the pain for even a few minutes.
Seems to almost follow a pattern. I too started at either 13 or 14. maybe learning how to deal with emotions, anger, love and death, any losses during this time or big changes. I quit at 18. I woke up to the fact that this was no way to express my fears, pain, etc. I forgave myself. It was a pretty calm feeling. I never looked back. My scars are very light. I still glimpse them occasionally. I’m 37.
I would also say anxiety and depression were a problem for me and still are.
i started cutting when i was 12… i am now 20 and its only getting worse..
I am 14 and have cut since a while and it just released and calms me. It’s like opening a shaken can of soda filled with inner pain and fears. I know it’s not good but it feels good and it’s seriously addicting! Thank you a lot to people who understand.