If you know someone who has thought about ending their life by suicide, you realize how hard it is to know what to say or do about it. Do you need support to help a suicidal friend?
Are they just joking? Do they just want attention? Or is something serious going on? The truth is, most suicidal individuals give definite warnings of their suicidal intentions, but people around them are either unaware of the significance of those warnings or don't know how to respond to them.
Kendra said she has thought about killing herself many times: If I don't have anyone to talk to once in a while, to get my feelings out, I get really sad, because I feel like no one cares about me. I think about what would people think if I was dead, or would they be happier without me? I'd hate to think Kendra, or someone like her would kill herself because she feels no one ever showed her they cared. Perhaps you have a friend like Kendra who has said some things to you that sounded like she or he might be deeply depressed, or even suicidal. It's very important to recognize those signs.
Most suicidal individuals give definite signs of suicidal thoughts and intentions.
Here are some of the signs to watch for. A suicidal friend may:
- Talk about suicide, death, and/or having no reason to live
- Withdraw from friends or social activities
- Experience drastic changes in behavior
- Lose interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.
- Give away prized possessions
- Lose interest in their personal appearance
- Express a deep sense of hopelessness
- Increase in drug or alcohol use
- A deep sense of serenity, or being at peace
- Complain about being a bad person or feeling rotten inside
They may even be desperate enough to say something like...
- If I killed myself, then people would be sorry
- If I wasn’t around, no one would miss me
- All of my problems will end soon
- I won’t be a problem for you much longer
- Nothing matters; it’s no use
- I won’t see you again
Make sure you take any threat of suicide seriously.
So, what can you do to help someone who has suicidal thoughts?
- Get involved. Be available. Show interest and support.
- Don't be afraid to talk to them about suicide. Talking about it does not make it worse, but better. Be direct. Talk openly and freely about suicide.
- Be willing to listen without judgment. Ask, "Tell me what you are feeling?"
- Assure them that you understand that what they are feeling is very real to them, but that they are NOT alone.
- Let them know you aren't going to abandon them.
- If they haven't brought it up, but you are concerned they are thinking about suicide, ask them directly. Here's an example of how, "Sometimes when people feel the way you are describing they have thoughts of suicide. Is this true with you?" If they are, this gives them permission to talk about it and actually brings relief because someone else brought it up. If they aren't, they will rush to assure you they aren't.
- Ask if they have a plan. If so, take them seriously and move quickly to get help. Remove anything that would help them carry out their plan guns, drugs, alcohol, knives, etc.
- Offer hope that alternatives are available.
- Provide them with a list of suicide prevention resources.
- Help them fill out the Suicide Safety Plan.
Things to Avoid Saying/Doing to Someone Talking About Suicide.
- "I think you're just bluffing. I don't believe you."
- Don't act shocked.
- "You're not serious. You're just looking for attention?"
- It is not helpful to just rattle off a list of reasons to live without first listening to what they are feeling.
- Don't dismiss what they are feeling. It is very real to them.
- Don't be sworn to secrecy. Get support.
Nicole said her sister saved her when she felt suicidal: Because of her, I am still here. If you know anyone who you may think have depression or suicidal thoughts, ask him or her if everything is okay and comfort them.
The Most Important Thing You Can Do
It is not so much about WHAT you say. The most important thing you can do is reassure your friend that you love them.
That's what happened when Heather was feeling suicidal: I told [my friend] what was going on and he just kept telling me that he cared that it wasn't the right thing for me, that I had so much more to do with my life. But the thing that helped me was that he said he loved me. I had felt so alone, and no one had told me that in a while not even my mom. Remind your friend that no matter how awful their problems seem, they can be worked out, and you are willing to help.
Please make sure you take any threat seriously from a suicidal friend. Of all the people who have died by suicide, 80% have given some kind of warning. A person who you feel is high risk for suicide should never be left alone, if even for a moment. Keep talking to that person and stay with him or her. Don’t feel like you have to handle this on your own. Get help from individuals or suicide prevention services, like the 24-hour suicide prevention hotline.
Most times a suicidal person needs someone close to them to be a voice of hope. Amberly agrees: Sometimes all you need is to be loved and know someone is there to catch you when you are about to fall. You could very well be that voice of hope to someone you love. Your efforts might just save someone's life.
i think my online friend killed himself. i don't know who to contact because i feel super scared on calls. i don't have his number or where he lives, but i have his Discord account. can you do anything? i'm scared for him
We are so sorry to hear this and commend you on your concern for your friend. Will you chat online with one of our HopeCoaches at https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ they can help you with what to do. You can also chat online with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline they have experience with how to handle this. You can chat with them here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
My best friend has been talking about killing herself but says she won’t do it because I’m the only thing keeping her alive, she says not to tell anyone so I’m trying to follow all these tips.
Also recently, some guy followed her down the street at night and she had to run to loose him (she has told her parents about this)
Do you have any extra tips as to what I could do?
Thanks for any help.
She is also having problems at home, her dad has cancer and her mom is not eating well.
my friend tried to kill herself this morning, but luckily failed. she came to school and told me, Andy I kept trying to talk to her about it but she wouldn’t let me and we just ended up starting a little fight over why she’s shouldn’t kill herself. we resolved it, but she still is obviously thinking about suicide Andy I’m really scaredy-cat that she might do it any day now. she’s been my best friend for over 9 years, i’ve known her since I was 4 and I would really hate to loose her since she’s really my only friend. she has told me not to tell anyone because it will make her suicide happen quicker, and that she’ll hate me forever and it’s making me super stressed and anxious and whole other ton of emotions. I can’t tell anyone because I don’t want to ruin our friendship and make her die quicker and I feel like if she commits suicide I will have nothing left to love for so I may as well do it as well please share any tips with me, as I am in a desperate need of help and very unsure of what to do. we would also find it incredibly hard to talk to anyone about it, since we both suffer from huge amounts of social anxiety and depression, so please just leave any suggestions yo7 have that could possibly save me and my friend, my friend more importantly
Thank you for reaching out to talk about your friend. It is important that you talk to a trusted adult about the situation. Someone you are comfortable with. Your friend has put your emotional health and mental health at risk by asking you to do this. It is better to risk having a friend hate you than to lose a friend to suicide. To talk about how to help your friend, right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/.You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741 Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources. They have resources specifically for this situation you are in with your friend. Please take the next step to contact them.
I tried doing all these things all the articles say to do when a friend is suicidal. And that friend who I loved so much, just dumped me and cut me out. I have been heartbroken for almost a year.