I've talked about how a guy can and should show respect to a girl. Now it's time to talk to girls about how to respect a guy.
If you are a guy, I know you want to be respected as well. I know that to be a fact, and it's not just because I am a guy. But I've talked to hundreds of guys who deeply desire for their girlfriend to show them admiration and high regard. Ladies, here are a few things you should know if you want to make sure the men you know are deeply aware of how much you love and respect them.
What to Know About Respecting a Partner
What attracts respect?
It’s a fair thing to wonder how to show respect. But when is that respect earned? How can you make sure that your actions are those of someone worthy of the respect you’d like to receive? Here are some key factors that tend to garner that respect:
- Empathy and Kindness
- Think about the school bully, or that one guy at work who everyone hates… the way that they belittle others, make fun of their problems, and refuse to show the smallest kindness has not made them a person that you respect. Showing empathy and kindness towards others, being compassionate, and considering their feelings and needs demonstrates emotional intelligence. When people see that you genuinely care about others, it’ll be hard not to respect you.
- Accountability
- Have you ever messed up and then tried to cover it up or lie about it? Taking responsibility for your actions and admitting when you make a mistake is a sign of maturity and integrity. People respect those who don't shy away from accountability. We all make mistakes. We all fall short on our promises or hurt people from time to time. Being able to recognize that and make amends will set you apart as someone worthy of respect.
- Open-mindedness
- How does it feel when you have an idea, but that idea is immediately shut down by a teacher, a parent, or a coworker? Being open to having conversations, new ideas, diverse perspectives, and different cultures fosters respect. Those who embrace differences and actively seek to learn from others are able to make others feel respected, too
- Humility
- Humble individuals who don't boast or belittle others are typically respected. Do you respect that super braggy kid in your class who never lets you forget his GPA? There’s a difference between celebrating your successes and becoming arrogant. Acknowledging that no one is infallible, that everyone has room for improvement, and that every success is thanks to the hard work and help of many is an important way of both showing and earning respect.
- Empowerment
- How does it make you feel when your mom goes into your room while you're at school and cleans the whole thing without your permission? Does it make you feel respected? No! It makes you feel powerless, like she doesn’t trust you to do it yourself, thinks you’re incapable, or just doesn’t care about your privacy. Encouraging and empowering others to succeed and reach their potential can also earn respect. People tend to appreciate those who help them grow and develop, rather than put them down.
- Respect for Others: Have you ever been embarrassed when your parent treated a waiter or barista like they were stupid or with impatience? Have you ever been that waiter or barista? Treating others with respect is the best way to receive it in return. Respecting people's positions, boundaries, cultures, and perspectives goes a long way in building a respectful environment.
Every human being deserves some level of respect at the end of the day, and it’s crucial that we remember that. That “respect for others” is perhaps one of the most important ways that Jesus taught by example. He spoke to, ate with, traveled with, became friends with, and loved people who were considered unclean, sinful, and worse… because he respected them. In His words, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Matthew 7:12
So How Does a Girl Show A Guy Respect?
Here's our straightforward list:
1. To respect a guy, don't play with his sexuality and drives.
To respect a guy, don't play with his sexuality and drives. Cause him to love and see you as a person, and not just as an object.
She doesn't use her body to manipulate him. If you only take one thing from this blog, get this one. Girls, you have an incredible power to control guys with your appearance, simply because guys are driven so intensely by what they see when they look at a girl and the beauty of her body. To respect a guy, don't play with his sexuality and drives. Cause him to love and see you as a person, and not just as an object. When you flirt with him you can easily appeal to his lust, rather than who he is as a person. Dressing modestly and refusing to be flirtatious, also shows your boyfriend you aren't trying to attract other guys.
2. She asks his opinion.
Every person wants to be respected. Guys, in particular, crave to be looked at as a leader--someone whose ideas are important. Guys want to know you are interested in what they think. He feels respected when you care about how he thinks and feels. Then when you take the time to listen, it's even more powerful. He will feel deeply valued by you. Someone commented to me: If a girl asks a guy's opinion, if he answers honestly (and preferably tactfully) with an answer she didn't want, she needs to realize that he respected her enough not to lie to her, and she needs to respect his opinion, even if she doesn't agree with it, and not get angry with him because of it.
3. Don't try to put words in his mouth.
If you try to put words into a guy's mouth, you'll only show him you think he doesn't know what to say.
She is patient with him when he has a difficult time expressing himself.Many guys have a hard time communicating, especially their thoughts and emotions.
There are going to be many times he wants you to know what he's feeling, but he is just going to need a little more time actually getting it out. Don't try to put words in his mouth, you'll only show him you think he doesn't know what to say. You can, however, repeat back to him what you heard him say, so you both are on the same page.
4. She encourages and supports him.
Guys easily feel belittled by girls. When you cheer on your man, you are breathing life into his soul. Telling him you believe in him and support what he is attempting to achieve is a very powerful way to show your guy you respect him. When he feels that support from you, the confidence you are pouring into him will help him to feel invincible. Someone once said, Behind every great man, is a great woman. Some girls are so stuck on their own needs they can't seem to give encouragement and inspiration to the guys they know. So give a guy a gift he will never forget: the gift of encouragement.
5. When you cheer on your man, you are breathing life into his soul.
She doesn't exhaust him with all the little details. It's easy to want to make sure your boyfriend gets all the details of your life. He is interested in you, but he gets worn out easily if you bog down your stories with all kinds of extra details. Try to make it easier for him to process all the information you want him to know.
6. She knows she doesn't own him.
She doesn't demand he be there for her 24 hours a day. Just because the two of you may be dating, doesn't put you in charge of his life.
When you let him have his own life, making his own decisions, spending time with his friends, it shows you respect him, and will make you more attractive to him.
Lindsey commented she knew her boyfriend's time was limited with his working full-time and going to school full-time. I never tried to demand lots of time from him. Instead, I would make him a meal and meet him between classes or on his lunch break at work. He really appreciated it, and I felt like I was respecting his schedule while still fitting in time to see him.
Showing respect to your boyfriend is the very best way you can show him that you love him.
7. She must respect herself.
There are many girls who are extremely insecure and are convinced they are not worth being loved or respected by others. So they end up sabotaging their relationships with guys because of their low self-esteem. They tend to be constantly asking their guy if they are still being loved by him. It's very difficult for a guy to respect a girl who doesn't respect herself or see herself as worthy to be loved.
Jonathan had some great thoughts I must include. A girl must also respect herself; if a guy desires to date her or even just be her friend, he must like something about her. By not liking herself, she is also saying that her friend's and/or boyfriend's opinions of her don't mean anything to her. If she returns compliments with contradictory remarks, she is not respecting the guy's opinion, or his attempt to respect her.
Girls, it's valuable to realize how important this topic is in your relationship with guys. Showing respect to your boyfriend is the very best way you can show him that you love him. But it's also true with all your relationships, including your relationship with yourself. It is crucial to respect yourself and I've written a blog about that as well.
Respecting myself is huge for me. I do this my "Loving" me first. The only thing is that sometimes I confuse this with pride. I wont call him or text him because I think they should always chase me. If they don't call me or text me then so be it, I'm ok with that. I always think it wasn't meant to be. How do I create a balance?
They should chase you. Point, blank
Yeah but that goes too far too tho. I just dealt with this. If I guy doesn't get responses or half a-- replies etc and she's playing it *too*cool for school ....then he SHOULD just give up. I apply myself and give effort, if I get bs responses and half a--ery in return then I will pull away and think that is just rude
I have been in a serious relationship for 3 yrs and recently things have gotten a little rocky and he tells me I don't respect him. My question, is it really that he thinks I don't respect him, or is it that he is trying to control me. I give him his space and he is able to do whatever he wants go fishing to friends ect. but I am not allowed to go out with my friends or even go to there houses. Its when I do those things that he says I don't respect him. I really need advice so bad!
Thank you for this.. The one thing I need to work on is making suggestions while he can't think of what to say... He never told me he was annoyed by it but maybe he's just being polite. This was a very helpful article.
I have done a lot of research on how to get and keep a man and everything seems to come back to the same thing...men view respect as love. Without feeling respected they don't feel loved. And the hardest thing as a woman is trying to decode man language and know exactly how to make him feel respected and what to say to him to make him feel safe. I'm always afraid I'm going to say or do something wrong. It sometimes makes me come across as a little insecure. I'm currently with a great man, but I'm trying desperately not to push him away like I've done so many times before. I will gladly use the techniques provided here and do my best to keep him happy and satisfied. Thank you.
I agree.
This is what is wrong with women. Stop trying. Let go of control. Just be you and if it's meant to be, it will be. You're wanting a man to validate you and with this mentality he will walk all over you. If you have to try "desperately" than that's what he'll see, desperation.,
While I understand your points about respect, and realize that your perspective is from the male point of view...it is lacking in respect to those things men do to lose our respect. I mean no offense to the males that may be reading this, but men have a tendency to repeatedly make those little mistakes (a big one for my spouse has been not calling when he's going to be late...for instance), and then not correcting them even when they know deep down that they strike a nerve in their partner.
I realize that some men don't feel as if calling when late should be a high priority, but what they DON'T realize, is that it can stress their partner out immensely. It has little to do with keeping tabs on our men, and more to do with worrying about their safety and well-being. I agree that men need time away from home/family with their friends, co-workers, extended family, etc... They, too, need to realize their women have those same needs.
Many of the points listed are true on both sides (men AND women). Women desire respect nearly as much as they desire that personal connection, and lack of that reflective respect is every bit as damaging to a relationship. I guess my point is this: you give what you get,..learn your partner's love language, and they'll make a MUCH bigger point to learn yours...communication really is the MOST important aspect of any relationship!
The question is how late is he and how often? Most men aren't offending by you asking him to call if he is going to be late, unless he is doing something or someone and you are interrupting. I would look more into his lateness.. Just saying
My husband took it as a personal affront, that I would dare to question why he was late. The frequency had been several times per week, during a time in our marriage when we were truly not getting on well. I had asked him repeatedly to call if he was going to be late, and his response was: "There is no need to, because if I am not at work, then I'm at home. Stopping every time I'm going to be late to call and tell you, just makes me that much later getting home." The fact that this completely disregarded any feelings that I might have on the subject, apparently never occurred to him.
He has since begun to do much better, and our relationship has been much smoother for it. He did stop awhile back to comment: "You know, you were right, calling or sending a text if I'm going to be late does create A LOT less tension on the home front." , a fact that I'd tried repeatedly to convey years and years ago. If I'd simply walked away, we never would have reached this point, but I would tell any woman reading this, it is NOT a smooth sailing voyage!
This is you automatically assuming a guy is late because he is cheating on you...sounds like you are very narrow minded because you chose to open your trust and soul to non genuine men which was your mistake. The key here is preciseness and accuracy in whom you choose. To assume all women are cheating babbling idiots is your own fault, there are way decent men out there.
Here the thing R. Katie, what women fail to understand nowadays is that men make mistakes, we're not perfect, you shouldn't expect us to be...that's like setting us up for walking into a bear trap. So he keeps forgetting to tell you he's coming home late...big deal??? You have to learn to respect us and realize that we are busy, hard working, and we forget things. Imagine if we were to hold you women to the same standards, of course you would get pissed and feel disrespected. Bottom line, don't portray anything towards us that you wouldn't want to you, it's called the golden rule. Learn to respect us more, and in return you'll see results.
Hi Derek, I apologize for intruding, but I wanted to add something. I understand what you are saying and am in no way trying to argue it. However, being in a similar situation as R. Katie's I don't agree that you should jump to the conclusion that her first assumption is that her man was cheating (it may very well be the case but lets broaden our minds for a moment).
I personally believe that communication is a sign of respect and I'm sure most other women would agree. Being a rather busy woman myself I would demand the same respect any man would. So if I were to request a courtesy call or text it may simply be because I also want to re-arrange my schedule if need be. See, it goes beyond assuming someone is cheating, they simply want to feel respected as well.
Just as you respect your boss enough to notify them you are running late, behind, need to call out, etc. because you respect them and want to keep your job, it isn't an outrageous request to hear it coming from a woman. It isn't about keeping tabs on someone, it's about having mutual respect for one another.
Relationships are work, so if things are going want to work, then the respect should be mutual.
'Being a rather busy woman myself I would demand the same respect'
Why would you even demand anything? Im sorry but this sounds a little controlling to me to have to demand anything. Respect shouldn't be demanded, it should be inspired. I respect my boyfriend because he inspires me to not because he demands me to respect him and I would never demand respect from anyone. These woman on here sound like they have some control issues...Sorry just my opinion... The fact that someone is going to get worked up cause your man is late and doesn't message you? Seriously there are much more important issues in a relationship than if he texts or not when he is late... I understand if he is maybe more than an hour late, but if it's within a half hour bracket I wouldn't sweat it.. And why you woman gotta wait for him to text/call, if your so worried why don't you call him yourself or message him? That's what I would do, a quick message saying 'hey babe, guess your working late, hope everything cool. Let me know when you be home, love you', why is this so hard for woman to do? To me that is showing respect to MY man because I am assuming the best of him NOT the worst (that he is late, not that he is cheating or in a car accident) I see woman these days trying to control and manage their men and then wonder why they get cheated on, don't get respect from them and their men are emotionally distant.. I love that my man leads our relationship, I am happy to go with the flow and trust him that he will lead our relationship safely and securely. I think alot of woman just need to love life, go with the flow and trust more in their men to lead them.
I like this
I completely agree with this. I let my man lead as well. And he calls and texts me all throughout the workday. And if he had the "life shocked out of him" or if he was in a car accident, how is he gonna call anyway? Lol. Have a little faith ladies! There has been plenty of times where we would purposely NOT pay our phone bill. A phone, if you let it, makes life more complicated and can be a distraction. He comes home when he comes home. End of story. And if he's NOT wanting to come home, then there's something more seriously wrong than just forgetting to call.
Hi Derek, just so we're clear here, I don't hold him to a higher standard than I hold myself. If I am going to be late...I call him. If I'm not coming straight home from an appointment, but am instead, stopping at the book store, grocery store, etc...I call him, and ask if there's anything I need to pick up for him while I'm out. I think what you may be missing here, is something another woman can easily understand, we worry.
We worry that our spouse may have been involved in an accident on the way home, or on the job itself. My husband is an electrician who frequently works in hot panels with very high voltage. He is often on the job site alone, without anyone there to aid him if something went wrong. I'm going to bet you hadn't considered that before your response, and no, I'm certain I hadn't mentioned it directly (outside of stating that we worry for their safety).
My request had nothing to do with a childish need to have him on an electric leash. I don't waste time worrying about a cheating spouse. If he's cheating, he is, and there's little I can do about it. I hope he has enough respect for me...to keep that on his own conscience, and not share it at the expense of my own.
You are correct about the hard-working aspect. He does work very hard, but like Araceli pointed out, he'd never dream of NOT calling in late/sick to work if he wasn't going to show up. After all, he respects his boss, and would like to keep his job. If he respects his wife, and more importantly his family, he should afford the same (if not more) respect. After all, marriage is a contract to love and honor your partner...and that is a 2-way street.
As a side note, since my initial post...he HAS started texting if he's going to be late, and asks if I need him to pick anything up. Apparently, after I sat him down and showed him WHY it was upsetting me so much, something clicked...and things are golden now. He's still late from time to time, but now I'm not pacing the floor, wondering if he's had the life shocked out of him. 🙂