Does Skin Color Or Race Matter When You Date?
Sometimes it may seem like everything is working against you just to make relationships even more difficult. Other people seem to make it look so easy, right? If you only knew what people went through in their own lives, you’d see how challenging all relationships can be. It takes a lot of focus and commitment to make one last. One of these difficult challenges is brought up in Brandon’s question here.
Brandon asked: How do you have a bf/gf relationship with the opposite sex without worrying about their race or skin color becoming a problem?”
Dating someone of a different race can be a challenge, but not necessarily for the two people dating each other. It’s usually only a problem with people outside of the relationship. This sounds like a typical Romeo & Juliet kind of scenario. Two people from different backgrounds or cultures coming together to prove to the world that love can rise above all our differences.
God made all of us, including the color of our skin. It’s more important to date someone who shares your same beliefs and values, than your skin color. If there are people in your life who don’t think you should date someone different than you, I suggest you talk to them and find out what their reasons are based on. Then explain how you have found someone who you really connect with on many different levels. While society might have a difficult time with interracial dating and marriage, you don’t have to live that way.
One word of caution: some people, while dating someone of another race, look at their relationship as one being under attack. So it is easy for the two of you to get wrapped up in an Us vs. The World mentality. The problem with that is sooner or later those who are against your relationship will quit caring about the race situation. Then the two of you will still have relationship issues to work out, without the emotion and drama of standing alone against the world. Sometimes without those Us vs. The World, the relationship crashes because there was not enough foundation there to begin with.
One other thought: Some of the problems facing interracial dating are not related to skin color, but more to cultural differences. The question you should ask is: Can the two of us adapt to each other’s culture? Remember, cultural differences can be a big deal. Just be wise about who and why you’re dating, interracial or not.
Sarah asked: I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year, and I know I love him but at times he just doesn’t seem to understand that I want time for friends and family.
It is a struggle to find a balance between time with the person you love and the other important people in your life. Hopefully you’ve tried to explain to your boyfriend the importance of having many friends, and not just focusing on one person. Your boyfriend needs to understand it’s easy to suffocate a relationship by demanding the other person always be there just for you. Remember love is not selfish or demanding. That being said, here are some questions you may want to ask yourself about this issue
Have you included him in some of these other relationships? Or do you want to keep him separate from your interactions with other friends and family? He might be feeling like you’re embarrassed or ashamed of your relationship. There’s also a possibility that he doesn’t truly know how you feel about him, and he’s trying to get clues from you, based on how you spend your time. Try inviting him along with you when you spend time with your family and friends.
Unless, of course, you actually don’t want him to be involved in these other relationships. But if you are dating someone, and seeking to know them more fully, and possibly moving toward a much deeper relationship, your friends and family will play an important role in helping you see more clearly if he’s the right guy for you.
But don’t string him along. If you want to keep your relationship with him private, I’d tell him, and explain to him why you feel the way you do. He deserves to know at least that much. Just remember, whoever you choose to spend your life with, you will always face the challenge of giving each other the kind of time, together and apart, each partner needs and deserves.