Dawson’s Blog

The Toxic Poison of Jealousy

The Poison Of Jealousy Wrecks Relationships

Let’s face it, most dating relationships don’t last. Some should’ve never begun in the first place. Just a casual look at both parties would tell you the relationship would soon fall apart. But there are other relationships that should last much longer and have a far more positive effect on both people. Some relationships are very fragile and can easily be destroyed. In fact, it is far easier to destroy a relationship than it is to build one.

Years ago there was a pop song released by singer/songwriter Paul Simon called 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.He’s probably right. And if we thought real hard, we could probably find 50 Ways to Wreck A Relationship,as well. I want to help you to be aware of, and learn how to be on guard against, one of the worst things that can creep in and destroy the relationship with your bf/gf.

Jealousy refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened. It’s a state of fear, suspicion, or envy. Some people mistake it for love, but at the core of all jealousy is fear and selfishness.

Why is jealousy a relationship wrecker? Why is it so damaging? Because it stifles and demeans, putting both parties in bondage. Most times it creates a fear built on paranoia. There are many signs a relationship is under attack by the wretched behavior of jealousy:

  • Do you continually watch for the way he/she looks at other people?
  • Are you concerned your bf/gf might be sneaking around behind your back, even though you don’t have any evidence for those accusations?
  • Are you constantly dreading the thought you will soon lose your bf/gf to someone else?

Do you question everything they say and do, because you are certain they aren’t telling the truth?

  • Does you demand your bf/gf quit hanging around, or talking to, anybody from the opposite sex?
  • Are you always calling, texting, emailing your bf/gf trying to figure out where they are at that very moment?
  • Do you demand your bf/gf to only spend time with you?
  • Are you constantly dreading the thought you will soon lose your bf/gf to someone else?

 
These are just a few of the sure-fire ways to know the cancer of jealousy is eating away at your relationship.

At the very core of jealousy is fear, insecurity, and selfishness. Jessiy commented:“I think a guy or girl being insecure will have a toll on a relationship because the one with the insecurities will overreact and accuse the other of things not necessarily true. Also going along with being insecure, a lack of trust will affect someone’s relationship.”

Jealousy leads to an unhealthy desire to be possessive of your bf/gf.

Being jealous will also cause you to be obsessed with your bf/gf. Getting concerned about his/her every move, and giving way too much smothering attention will definitely cause tremendous damage to the relationship. Jealousy also leads to an unhealthy desire to be possessive of your bf/gf, making sure you are the only person he/she ever does anything with and causing a scene when he/she wants to do something with other people, even his/her friends.

Jealousy seeks to control the other person.

Brent summed it up well when he explained the confusion and hurt jealousy can bring.“She did that? She said this, she said that? He did this, he did that. It’s all worthless chatter. I believe the only person that you can control is yourself, the only person you can change the thought patterns is of yourself. I wish I could take back the last years before the breakdown with my sweetheart.

If you sense your relationship is being destroyed because of jealousy, you may want to admit to yourself that:

  • Jealousy pretends to be a form of love.
  • Jealousy is never love, but just the opposite.
  • Jealousy is another form of selfishness.
  • Jealousy is fed by fear.
  • Jealousy is emotional poison.
  • Jealousy causes unnecessary drama.
  • Jealousy is destructive to the other person’s self-esteem.
  • Jealousy is cruel and stifling.
  • Jealousy grows from deep within our troubled emotions.
  • Jealousy seeks to control the other person.
  • Jealousy causes confusion.
  • Jealousy is time consuming.
  • Jealousy doesn’t go away on its own.
  • Jealousy wrecks relationships.

If you feel you are jealous, seek forgiveness from your bf/gf, taking the responsibility of being a relationship wrecker. Ask your partner to point out to you when you are showing signs of jealousy. You may also want to talk with a minister, counselor, or a therapist to help you get to the root of your jealousy.

 

 

Next week’s topic is “Too much too soon: Disadvantages of rushing into a dating relationship.”  Let me know your stories of what happened when you rushed into a relationship too soon.

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • Victim of a abusive jealous man

    The only relationship that I was in where he had jealousy problems turned into an abusive relationship. I did not realize at the beginning because of his extremely charming deceptive maneuvers he has learned all to well to deceive his prey into believing that he had something good to offer. I call those tactics just sick and wrong. The ole bait and switch method. If you have jealousy problems get the help you need and stop destroying every unsuspecting girl you pull into your life under false pretenses. Your not mentally healthy enough and need to come clean about it from the beginning. BB

  • brandy

    What about the other type of jealousy that comes from other woman.
    How does one deal with insecure woman who often self-sabotage themselves
    By constantly comparing their lives to others, and how obvious they become neon green
    with envy when good things happen to other woman, making the air around them feel
    Constantly heavy and uncomfortable to approach. How does one deal with that.