So, I have to ask, if 61.5 million Americans are struggling with a mental illness, making it more common than diabetes or asthma, why is it that those people are still often afraid to discuss it?
I imagine it is because there is still a stigma surrounding mental illness, making people afraid of being labeled as crazy or being told they should just get over it. I think people are afraid of being seen as weak-minded or unable to cope.
Mental Illness can take on many forms. Depression and Suicidal Thoughts, Anxiety, PTSD, OCD, bipolar, and many more.
Each of these are diagnosed illnesses. They are not weaknesses. They are illnesses. We need to start viewing them as such.
It's time to educate ourselves about how chemical imbalances in the brain determine mental illnesses. And then when we begin to see mental illness as a disease of the brain just like lung cancer is a disease of the lungs and arthritis is inflammation of the joints, maybe the stigma will go away.
#imnotashamed to live with my mental health conditions because our minds are a part of our bodies, so we shouldn't consider physical and mental health as separate. I don't view my mental illnesses as different from my asthma or my allergies. -@soupernic
If you struggle with a mental illness, I commit to you that I will speak out to educate others every chance I get, starting with this blog, and I want to encourage others to join me.
To begin, here are some things to look out for so you don't offend others.
Here's one tip. Often people ignorantly say hurtful things without even realizing that we are feeding into the stigma surrounding mental illness and possibly offending people who are struggling:
To people truly struggling with any one of these issues, a flippant statement devalues the seriousness of the issue they are facing and adds stigma to the illness. While you may not mean any harm don't just assume no one will get offended by these statements.
I deserve love & respect & to not be stereotyped/stigmatized. I am a whole, beautiful person. #imnotashamed #mentalhealth @rachelgriffin22
The idea behind the campaign #imnotashamed is to spread the message that mental health conditions are nothing to be ashamed of. They are not a choice, character flaw, or mental weakness. We are helping end the harmful stigma associated with mental health conditions.
#imnotashamed of my mental illness because I believe that my mental illness has made me an incredibly strong, empathic, courageous and brave woman. -@sharigebhard
It is a positive step to be able to share your mental illness without shame and realize you are not alone. Check out what others are saying who are not ashamed! Add your voice to the conversation by tweeting your story with #imnotashamed. Or tweet one of the quotes you see here:
#imnotashamed of my bipolar “mental illness is an illness just like any other, a flaw in chemistry not character. @Detroit15
If you are struggling with a mental illness, here are some important steps for coping with and moving beyond the stigma:
If you know someone who has a mental illness, here's how you can make a difference:
If you struggle with a mental illness, I'd love for you to share below if you have ever experienced being stigmatized? What has someone said to you that you found offensive? Please speak up and use your voice to educate others in the comments below. Or share your own #imnotashamed statement. It's time to start the conversation.
Health statistics found at www.CDC.gov
If you quickly open a soda, there is some chance the contents will foam up and spill over the top. Shake that bottle for thirty seconds before removing the top and you'll have a much more intense experience. Talking with people about relationships with loved ones in the military is like opening a bottle that has been violently shaken. The pressure inside is so great that the questions and experiences come out fast and strong, and they spew in every direction.
Anonymous wrote: Guys usually don't communicate the way women do. I know my husband loves me and missed me on deployments. Did he ever write that in a letter? No. The best I would get was a "miss you Babe" on a phone call.
Fadeintoyou82 wrote: My boyfriend is deployed. We had been together for 7 months before he left. Everything was going great the first half of the deployment, then out of nowhere, he starts to become distant and disconnected. Then he tells me that he doesn't know if he has the same feelings for me anymore.
HappyLittleGirl wrote: I am experiencing my first deployment away from the most fantastic man I've ever met besides my father. We've been dating for 8 months and love each other. He's in the Navy and deployed somewhere in the Middle East... I love him dearly and I know he loves me... but I worry that he doesn't miss me.
nicolem28 wrote: I'm engaged to an AF guy and he's been gone 50% of our relationship. This trip he's on now has been awful since he has minimal communication opportunities, so I understand how the doubt can creep in.
Lyndsey wrote: Military relationships are special. if they make it through the training and first deployment, they can make it through anything.
I've asked one of our partners, Mike Jones, to talk about loved ones on deployment. Mike is a former US Army Captain with two tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan. Mike shares openly about some of the struggles and how to overcome them when your loved one is deployed.
Dawson: It seems that with a lot of our callers the lack of communication with a deployed spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is what puts a lot of pressure on relationships.
Mike: Communication with those back home is difficult for several reasons. A lot of time soldiers are in isolated situations with limited or command-only communications. If you're front line like infantry soldiers, you are busy 24-7-365-360 (every hour, every day of the year, all around you). You're either on patrol, on guard duty, or crashing. There's very little downtime, but even then, the enemy may decide it's time to lob a few mortars or attack the compound. A lot of that downtime is focused on getting ready to go again.
Dawson: Perhaps it's more than just the number of emails or the amount of talk-time. If couples really don't understand or feel what the other is going through, they'll still have a disconnect whether they communicate a lot or a little.
Mike: It's really important for those at home to try to gain some situational awareness regarding their deployed soldier. Talking to other experienced military spouses helps. One of the things to understand is that a soldier needs to stay completely focused on the assignment at hand... not home, not family, not kids, not you... their assignment. If their heads are not intensely focused and in the game, someone can get hurt. Even when a unit is just walking down a road everyone is looking in a prescribed direction for particular things. If one soldier loses intense mental focus and is not looking the right way, you have a sector uncovered. Soldiers are trained to switch off everything else when the mission is on.
Mike: Also, there are times when soldiers don't seem to have much to say. Spouses need to understand that it's hard sometimes to switch back from being warrior to being relational. And sometimes they can't talk about what's going on because it's either too hard on them or they fear it will be too hard on you.
Dawson: Do deployed soldiers typically feel guilty about being away from home and family?
Mike: Mostly they are so engaged with what they're doing that they don't have time for that. But in some cases; yes. If you've got a deployed soldier feeling guilty about being away, the last thing they need to hear is complaining about problems at home.
Dawson: While it's difficult for loved ones to understand what their deployed soldier is going through, by comparison, is it much easier for soldiers to understand what it is like at home?
Mike: No, not true at all. Some soldiers have no clue about how difficult it is for those at home. Like I said before, some soldiers have a harder time flipping the mental switch from combat focus to home-life focus. Their life in a combat zone is so intense, fear mixed with exhilaration, a sense of mission accomplishment mixed with the pain of losing a comrade. Problems at home that are huge to their loved ones may seem trivial compared to the combat zone. Again, the more loved ones can gain some situation awareness about these things, the easier deployments will become, particularly combat deployments.
Dawson: Do you have suggestions for how loved ones should approach those rare, unscheduled, middle-of-the-night phone calls?
Mike: Maybe something along these lines: Honey, we're okay here. We've had a problem with _____, but we've got it under control. Mom and dad are helping, and so is my brother. The FRG (Family Resource Group) is there when I need to talk about Army stuff. We're all good. I love you (i.e. don't be concerned about me being unfaithful). Be safe, stay focused, we're all going to get through this! (NOTE: TheHopeLine partners with Centerstone Military Services for additional resources for military personnel and their families.)
Dawson: It sounds like the soldiers and their loved ones all have their individual battles to fight.
Mike: Very true. Spouses, parents, children, girlfriends or boyfriends all have different types of battles to fight, but you all go to war together as a team. If you can hang onto that kind of perspective, things are going to be a lot easier. The worst thing is fighting the battle of deployment and fighting one another at the same time.
"I am in a relationship with a man who his spending the next six months deployed. This is our first deployment as a couple. It is also his last deployment, as he will be retiring following this trip. He has been very open with me about the fact that this will be hard, but we are a strong couple, and not getting through this was never even mentioned as an option. I am very sad, because I hate that we are separated, and I worry about his safety. However, I have been keeping myself busy with ways to cope and it is helping.
Some of the things I did are:"
"Soooooo, I guess I am hoping this will help those of you who are struggling like me. This sucks, but six or seven months of sadness is a small price to pay for a lifetime of wonderful.
Strength to all!"
Thanks, Nicole, for sharing your ideas!
Military - TheHopeLine.com
Are you concerned about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Learn more about it here or download your free eBook.
I always used to listen to Dawson McAllister on the radio.... never thought I would be one to contact them for help... thank you TheHopeLine.
I was on the verge of giving up...I talked to a girl last night for about 2 hours. I came to you guys with my problems. My best friend that I've grown up with and been with my whole life died in a horrible stupid accident. The girl I gained feelings for, that I've never had before, needed space. She's 18 years old and has a 19-month-old son, who I think is probably the coolest little dude in the world. The girl has everything I'm looking for and her flaws are easily passable for me. But she just broke up with the father that she dated for 4 years and we started talking a few weeks after so I understood she needed time...but the killer was she no longer wishes to really talk to me while she needs space. I didn't know what to do, I promised her I would wait for her to be ready.
She and her kid mean everything to me. I break down a few times every day. Everything reminds me of her. I hear a song. I tear up. I see a mom and son I tear up. I see a picture of her, I break down. And after I lost my friend this was just the topping to the cake. I knew I was no longer myself.
I knew I needed help before the suicidal thoughts would come. So I came to the one place I knew I could say what was going on, without being judged and made fun of.
I sadly forgot the girl's name I talked to, I wish I could thank the Hope Coach again. She walked me through everything. She told me to wait and give the girl space. That she will come back when she's ready. Tomorrow, I will go to a professional for more help with depression and anxiety. The girl I talked to last night also talked to me about getting a new personal relationship with our Lord. I said the prayer she gave me last night and I felt His presence, I felt the change...I've never been so thankful to have someone to talk to or listen to.
So again, I thank all of you for what you do.
Thank you for helping the hopeless.
Thank you for giving your own time just to give time to someone else that was almost out of their time.
Thank you for helping me and countless others find a stronger faith.
Again thank you again all of you!
~Aaron
When your friend is battling depression...what should you say?
A friend once sat next to me on a park bench and told me the only way he could get out of bed in the morning was by smoking a joint and turning his brain off from the pain.
For a while, I got long and desperate voicemails from my brother early in the morning about how he couldn't sleep, couldn't shake the feeling of being alone.
The more people I met in high school and college, the more the word kept popping up. I'm depressed. My mom is depressed. My sister, my cousin, my best friend.
So many of the people I care most about in the world have told me the same thing. They were in a fog they couldn't shake, a darkness sat on them like a two-hundred-pound weight. Life didn't seem worth living most of the time.
The word depression used to be so informal. It's been used to talk about everything from a bad day or a random mishap to breakups and funerals. Depression was sadness, was being upset by something, or maybe even being heartbroken.
For the longest time, depression was something that couldn't touch me. It was something I myself was immune to, so why should I care?
Despite so many people I knew dealing with this similar struggle, I really didn't get it. I'd had bad days too, but I always managed to move on. Things were hard sometimes, yes, but I still held so strongly to this belief that life was what you made it. That happiness was a choice, or something.
I didn't know how to help them. I didn't know what to say, so I talked their ears off and said all the wrong things.
Cheer up! Life gets better.
Just pray about it.
Maybe if you try just a little bit harder.
I understand what you're going through.
Look at all the good things in your life.
An afternoon in June, that all changed.
For one of the longest hours of my life, I thought I lost someone who I cannot imagine living without. She had gone missing for hours, leaving only a scary note behind. I left probably twenty voicemails pleading for her life, my head pounding with the possibility.
I could have woken up without her. She could have been gone from my life forever.
And why? Because depression is real. Because for a long time, depression told her that no one would care if she just disappeared.
I sat in the car with her a few hours later, holding her hand and sobbing. I had no idea what to say, how to help, how to fix anything. But what I did know was that I didn't want to live in world without her without any of my friends who were struggling with depression.
So, I shut up. I barred my mouth and let it sink in how incredibly amazing it was to have this girl in my life. No longer would I sugarcoat her pain, her loneliness.
Depression is one of the most powerful and subtle forces on the planet, a slow-acting poison that seeps into the life of every person who breathes air and thinks thoughts. I realize now that it wants to destroy me, and you are too. It either tackles each of us personally or vows to take shots at the people we care about. And now that I understand how much I've messed up all these years, I think it's starting to make sense what our part is to play in the fight against depression.
If your friend is struggling, the first thing you must realize is that it isn't about you. That was the first trap I always seemed to fall in. I thought that I could remedy the situation, that the words that I said would actually make them feel better. I thought I knew what they needed.
It doesn't always make sense, it isn't always clear, and it's really freaking hard. What is the source? Hard to say. What will make it better? Who really knows?
Talking with many of my friends, they have told me that all they really want is for their feelings to be validated. In a society where bouts of depression are often downplayed, undermined, or ignored entirely, they just want to know that someone sees their pain, someone acknowledges the intensity of it.
"That SUCKS. You don't have to go through this alone if you don't want to."
It's that simple if we let it be. Our friends and family need us to hear them out and to hold them tight. They need us to listen to what they need, not be told what we think would help them. We need to let them talk about it instead of sweeping the rain cloud under a rug and ignoring what is really going on.
Each of us has a secret battle: depression, self-hate, pride, the wounds of the past, overwhelming fear, anxiety, you name it. We don't always want to talk about it, but we know it is there. And despite how much we try to hide it, it feels really good when someone lets us know that it is ok that we are struggling.
It also feels really good when the people in our lives give us the time and the space to struggle with our battle. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes resilience. The people in our lives need that from us as well.
No matter how dark life seems, or how low we feel, there is hope in knowing there is someone beside you to bolster you, to guard your back.
Will we always understand what our friends are going through? No. Will we always be able to help them? Definitely not. But can we always be there? If we care, absolutely.
Meagan Prins, blog writer for HeartSupport shares her perspective in this guest post.
How does what Meagan said impact the way you will respond next time a friend tells you they are depressed?
If you are fighting an addiction to pornography, you are not alone...68% of young men and 18% of women use porn at least once a week.
I share this statistic with you simply to let you know that you are not alone in your struggle. I don't want you to think, if so, many people are doing it, it must be okay, because it is not okay, but help is available. Many people have walked this road before you, and MANY of them are now free from the stronghold that pornography had on their life.
You need to realize that beyond the personal problems pornography causes, it is also causing problems within society such as an increase in Sexual Assault and an increase in demand for sex trafficking victims.
Pornography use can cause young people to develop unrealistic, unhealthy, or harmful perspectives about sex and relationships. It can be very isolating and young people who use porn can struggle with deep feelings of shame. Repeated porn use can also develop into a harmful habit, since it often becomes a cycle of addictive behavior.
To motivate you even further to break your addiction to porn, consider these personal consequences:
Breaking any addiction takes strength and perseverance. It takes courage to own up to the problem and actually do something about it. It's not an easy journey but it's worthwhile for you to live your life to the fullest.
1. Tell Someone. As difficult as it may seem, you need to bring your struggle into the open and not keep it a secret. Talk with someone you trust about your struggle with porn, such as a parent, pastor, youth leader or close friend. This is an essential first step to recovering from an addiction.
2. Find an accountability partner. Set aside a specific time and location where you feel comfortable discussing your addiction. Talk with him or her weekly and have open, honest conversations about your struggle. This is an essential part of getting your life back on track.
3. Make a clean start. Another key part of recovery is getting rid of all pornographic content you have, like images, magazines, DVDs or computer files. Let your accountability partner know you've destroyed the content you have.
4. Figure out when and where you usually struggle. If it's late at night while you're on the internet, turn your computer/phone/device off at 6pm and put it away or disassemble it completely. Some recovering porn addicts find it helpful to take time away from the internet completely.
5. Stay clear of temptation. Temptation to look at porn often comes when someone is bored, tired or lonely. Have a plan when you feel tempted, like calling a friend, going on a walk or enjoying a hobby. Try to get out of your environment and engage your mind and body in a positive way.
6. Recovery is a journey. If you end up looking at porn, be sure to let your accountability partner know as soon as possible. Overcoming porn is a journey and is won day by day. Porn is a destructive cycle so when you breakdown, be transparent and talk to someone. Then start fresh.
7. Get professional help. There are many professional counselors that are available to help you deal with porn and the underlying issues. If you don't have access to a counselor, TheHopeLine offers a network of professional care and resources available to you
In the end, pornography robs you of the joy of a real-life intimate relationship replacing it with pixels on a screen. Is that really what you want?
I have been disturbed by recent research that links repeated viewing of pornography to sexual violence and assault. While I am concerned about these studies, I am not surprised by them.
I know this can be a sensitive subject, but I want to face it head-on. I think it is important that we stop thinking pornography is harmless fun for people to view in private, but rather understand the negative consequences that research proves pornography has on our thinking, our relationships and on society.
Pornography researchers have found that users acclimate to the porn they watch” they get used to it, and it stops being exciting or arousing. Why? Because their brain's pleasure response has gotten numb.
Here's a brief science lesson about our brain. Viewing porn floods the brain with dopamine, a neurotransmitter that controls the brain's reward and pleasure center. A path is created in the brain by the dopamine telling the brain, when you go down this path it feels good. The problem is when a person consistently looks at porn and their brain is constantly being flooded with a high level of dopamine their brain stops reacting in the same way and suddenly to get the same excitement now they must look at more porn and more hardcore porn.
Additionally, to feel excited many users have to combine sexual arousal with the feeling of aggressive release. That's why so much of hardcore porn is full of images of women being physically harmed. It's also the reason that many porn addicts quickly find themselves looking at things that used to disgust them or that they used to see as morally wrong.
1. Research proves that: Pornography is addictive and desensitizing and in order to continue receiving the same high, people turn to more hardcore/violent pornography.
2. Watching pornography which displays violence against women leads people to believe that sexual violence is more common than it is. In fact, in a study by Dr. Dolf Zillmann and Dr. Jennings Bryant, it was found that people exposed to significant amounts of porn thought violent sex was twice as common as what those not exposed to porn thought.
3. When people believe a behavior is normal, they are more likely to try it.
And it's not only hardcore porn that depicts violence. A 2000 study found the presence of violence in 42% of online pornography.
And in 2007 the 50 top-selling adult DVDs were analyzed. It was documented that there was an act of aggression every minute and a half. About 90% of scenes contained at least one act of aggression. In 95% of the scenes, the person receiving the aggression reacted neutrally or positively to it. These numbers give us a glimpse of the sexual education porn consumers receive.
The National Center on Sexual Exploitation reports that adult exposure to pornographic media is associated with:
While not every porn user is going to abuse someone or become a rapist, it is proven that viewing pornography on a regular basis influences people's ideas and attitudes toward what is acceptable sexual behavior.
I encourage you to listen to this call I had with Taylor. He is struggling with a 10-year addiction to pornography and admits if he keeps going the way he's going he will end up in prison.
Considering that a young man's first exposure to pornography is at the age of 12, and that 68% of teenage boys and 18% of girls view pornography once a week, what is this generation learning about sex? Because let's face it most of their education is coming from porn.
A study called the Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents linked the consumption of internet pornography to changes in a teen's attitude about women. Women became viewed as sexual playthings eager to fulfill male sexual desires. Additionally, the study found that adolescents who are exposed to violent sexually explicit material were six times more likely to be sexually aggressive than those who were not exposed.
And they are often viewing violent material, by the age of 18, 39% of boys and 23% of girls have seen acts of sex involving bondage online.
Pornography is reshaping minds to think that violence and sexual aggression should be seen as normal and an accepted form of self-expression,- John Foubert and Ana Bridges.
So what are teens themselves saying? When interviewing teenage girls, it was found that girls and young women described boys pressuring them to provide acts inspired by the porn they consume. Girls tell of being expected to put up with things they don't enjoy, sometimes violent things. Yet the boys they are describing think it is normal behavior because it is what they are learning from porn. They are not being taught respect, friendship, love, and intimacy, but rather aggression, degradation and cruelty.
Listen “ sex is a beautiful thing. It was designed by God to bring pleasure. If you doubt that for a minute, read the book Song of Songs in the Bible which is all about the pleasure of sex between a husband and wife. However, the warped view of sex that is promoted in pornography is distorting what sex was designed to be a joyful, intimate act of love between a husband and wife.
The National Center on Sexual Exploitation - "Porn Harms"
Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents
Fight the New Drug - "Sex Before Kissing"
