Dawson’s Blog

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

I was blown away by the tons of comments I received from my last blog, My Boyfriend Hurt Me.(I read every one of them) And so, I decided to post a whole series of blogs on

Why Girls Give In To Guys?

I THINK some girls give in to guys because they’re searching for love from a guy and think they will find it by having sex.  Most girls don’t say, I want sex with my boyfriend.  They say, How can I get my boyfriend to love me?and then bargain away their bodies hoping he will stay.  Some of your comments regarding my last blog brought this up.  For example:

 

And I imagine that if I were in the same spot [as Alicia], the things that would go through my mind would be, If I do not do this they will not accept me. They won’t like me anymore. They’ll find someone else.’  Ally

 

Ally’s fear is if she does not give in to her boyfriend’s pressure, he will leave her and she won’t be lovedanymore.  Another comment was especially powerful:

 [When I have sex,] I feel loved and wanted, that’s why I give in. Hoping that something will come out of it and it never does. If I can feel wanted, even if it’s in a sexual way, I like it, but yet on the other hand, I don’t.  Mandy

Mandy couldn’t have put it any clearer.  For the relatively few brief moments she is having sex, Mandy somehow feels loved.  But after it’s over, the empty words she’s heard and being alone again only leaves her unfulfilled and searching for more.

I received a comment from a really honest guy who doesn’t seem to understand how some girls grasp for love and will do just about anything to get it.  He wrote

I am 16 years old.  I really love this girl but I feel really bad about what I do to her.  She knows I cheat on her with this girl that goes to my school but she keeps coming back and I feel so bad.  I don’t know what to do and it makes me feel desperate and really bad inside.  Garrett

What Garrett and many others don’t seem to understand is sex in and of itself is not love.  People have loveless sex everyday (like friends with benefits).  You can also have love without sex.  (Think of a man who loves his wife deeply, but she is dieing of Cancer.  Can he not love her without having sex with her?)  Genuine sex is a physical, emotional, and spiritual expression of true love.  But true love demands deep commitment, trust, and respect.

While sex (for sex’s sake) can never meet someone’s need for love, it does stir up a deep desire for it.  That is why sex (for sex’s sake) is so cruel.  When a guy has sex with a girl, she almost always feels closer to him and wants true love in return.  But then he leaves her, and she is left wanting even more love.  Instead, she feels alone and used.

There’s no use looking for love with all the wrong people doing all the wrong things, because you won’t find it there.

I’d love to hear from you on this week’s blog.  Also, here’s a question I’d like your opinion on for next week’s blog:

Why do you think girls who have poor relationships with their fathers give into sex?

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • Mojo

    I’m 57 years old, been single now since 2000 and I, too am searching for love in all the wrong places, can someone help?

  • hi again

  • Prashant Impinge

    hello

  • Prashant Impinge

    Hello, This comment post for testing.