Dating Advice for Girls: When He's Just Not That Into You

Does He Like Me?

Let’s face it, understanding the opposite sex can be confusing. The way males and females think about things and process things is just different. It’s not that one way is right and the other wrong. Just different.

I have enjoyed answering questions that were submitted to me about dating because the more we learn about the opposite sex, the more understanding we will have and the better our relationships will be.

The questions I answer here all have to do with how a guy thinks. How can you tell if he’s just not that into you? Why is it so hard for him to understand your feelings? Why don’t guys do the little things that make you happy? How might a guy act if he likes you?

I will attempt to answer these questions here.

How to Know if He’s Just Not That into You?

There was a movie a while back about relationships (based on a popular book) called He’s Just Not That into You. I didn’t see it, but the bottom line of the story is that men are not complicated.

If he doesn’t ask you out, call you soon after a date, or want to spend more time with you after a date, then “he’s just not that into you.”

These words can be harsh for a woman to hear. However, the words can also be very freeing. You are then free to move on, and not waste your time with someone who’s not into you.

Why is my boyfriend clueless about how I feel?

Communication can be difficult. It can feel like you just can’t express what you are feeling in a way that your boyfriend will understand. That’s what Ashely was struggling with.

Ashley asked: Why does my boyfriend have no clue how I feel at all? It is hard to explain to him how I feel. I don’t tell him how I feel anymore since he doesn’t seem to understand anyway. I might as well give up.

Ashely, I wouldn’t give up just yet.

Emotional communication can be very difficult. Plus, men are wired differently than women, especially when it comes to feelings. If you want him to know how you’re feeling, it would be best to keep it as simple as possible. Guys can feel like girls use too many words when they talk about their feelings because guys have relatively short emotional attention spans and often do not have the verbal skills of most women. The language you use when you talk about emotions might even seem like a foreign language to him. Be patient with him.

What’s important to look for is whether or not he shows he cares about you in other ways? If he doesn’t do anything to show he cares, it might be because he actually doesn’t care about anyone except for himself and that’s a sign it’s time to move on.

However, if he does make you feel cared for in other ways, this may just be a small bump in the road you need to work through.

Don’t stop communicating. Keep trying different ways to express yourself and be patient.

Why Doesn’t He Do the Simple Things that Make Me Happy?

Jamie Ann asked: How come guys don’t know how to make a girl happy? Guys don’t understand that it doesn’t take that much work to make girls happy. A simple goodnight text right before you go to sleep makes us feel special. An occasional note left on the windshield of our car would completely make our day and put the BIGGEST smile on our faces.

Not every guy is the same. But most guys do not understand how much simple little gestures of kindness mean to a girl. It is something they must learn and desire to apply to their lives.

Put another way, simple gestures of thoughtfulness just escape them. It’s not that they don’t want to make you happy, but for some guys, it just never even crosses their mind that it matters.

Besides, most guys have never been instructed on how to make a girl happy. Usually, a guy learns these things from his father. The problem is many of their fathers are either absent, or never learned themselves. If you’re in a relationship with a guy, you may have to gently tell him some things that would help bring you joy, like the things Jamie Ann referred to in her question.

When he does get it right, let him know how much it means to you. When he doesn’t, don’t go ballistic. It will only drive him away.

You’re probably thinking how it’d be great if he came up with these things on his own, but as you grow in your relationship, you both will learn how to communicate your wants and desires, instead of hoping the other person will read your mind.

How Can You Tell When a Guy Likes You?

Chrissie asked: Why do guys act weird around you when they like you?

It is true most guys act weird, or get nervous, around girls they like. But why do they do this?

Bottom line - Guys hate rejection. They hate to make themselves vulnerable to a girl, and then get shot down. This nervousness or acting weird comes from this place of not knowing exactly how to balance their fear and their excitement, so the guy gets a bit wobbly and tongue-tied.

This is the reason guys will flirt with girls. They will drop hints here and there to see how the girl will react. This way, it’s easier to know what the girl is thinking when he sees how she responds to his flirting.

Don’t judge him too harshly for his awkwardness. And if you are getting the hint that he likes you, be kind and give him a sign to let him know if you like him back.

Here are some other signs he might like you:

  • When you talk with him about other people who you are interested in, is he supportive and encouraging or does he become quiet and distant? A friend will be supportive, but someone whose emotions are clouded with the possibility of being in love will tend to have a more emotional response.
  • Does he seem to want to spend time only with you or is he okay doing things in groups? A friend is willing to share you with others, but someone who is trying to balance their emotional feelings toward you may tend to be a bit more possessive.

For more questions from girls about dating, check out: Dating Advice for Girls: What Guys Want and Moving Beyond Just Friends

TheHopeLine Team
For over 30 years, TheHopeLine has been helping students and young adults in crisis. Our team is made up of writers and mental health professionals who care deeply about helping others.
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One comment on “Dating Advice for Girls: When He's Just Not That Into You”

  1. I am so disappointed in myself. I feel like I'm doing something wrong because I can't keep a man. I was married for 17 years thought I had a great family and life come to find out he cheated on me a few times. The person he cheated on me with is total opposite. I couldn't believe that he was with her over me. Ever since my divorce every other man I've dated has always cheated meaning they always had a long-term relationship with somebody and I always found out that I was basically a side piece. When everything always came out in the open I was always the One that they said to go away or leave them alone. I try to make the men I date happy and do everything to try to make them happy. I I think I may be trying to hard. Is that really a problem for such a thing? Is something wrong with me? I have gotten to the point where I feel like just giving up on love. I feel so alone. I hear all the time that I'm beautiful and it's not me so then what is it? Not to mention the men that I attract have nothing really going for them. Either they don't work or they live with their mom. But they live with their mom because they choose to not because they are there taking care of her. Everybody says don't look for love it will find me. And I am not looking but it's been three years already and nobody worth having a future with has come across my path: I want to find that special person and spend time with them and do things together and fall in love and grow together. Find a best friend and a loving partner again. I thought I had that with my ex but I guess I really didn't. I never thought that I could love a man as much as I loved my ex-husband. I feel like I loved him more than myself. And that's why I feel like such a failure and a disappointment because I couldn't keep him or anybody else that comes in my life. Any advice or tips on what I should do or not do?

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