Dating can be tricky. There’s a lot to navigate. If you are blessed to have a good guy friend, but now you think you may want to date him…how do you go about that? Or there’s a guy you really like, but you’re not sure he knows you exist…how do you get his attention?
Let’s take a look at these questions and more.
When To Move Beyond Just Friends?
Jessica asked: I really like this guy and he really likes me. We keep telling each other we love one another and we would like to go out but we don’t want to mess up our friendship if anything goes wrong in the relationship. What should I do?
You are in a really great place with your friend. Most people should be so fortunate. But it sounds like you’re wondering what might be next for your relationship, or what it might look like to take things to the next level.
Communication is Key to Moving Beyond Friends
The first thing you should do is talk about what it would mean for you to start dating each other. Does dating mean you’re going to start spending more time together? Are you committing to being exclusive with each other? You might have entirely different ideas about what a dating relationship would look like. Understanding each other’s expectations at the beginning will help.
By exclusive dating you are telling each other I’m yours, and that can be a really good step, but don’t fall into the trap that thinks dating and being exclusive is mainly about being physical with each other. Almost all heavily sexual dating relationships self-destruct. You should discuss up front what boundaries are important to you.
Keep Having Fun
Also, don’t forget to keep having fun. Sometimes when you start dating the relationship can feel heavy and serious. This is all the more reason to remind yourself of how much you enjoy just being with each other.
Make a pact with each other that if at any time one of you feels uncomfortable, you will talk about it, and make adjustments to fix what is causing the discomfort.
Take your time with all this, and experience all the good things already present in the relationship. Don’t worry about trying to stir up more feelings by calling it a dating relationship. Be happy with the great thing the two of you already have.
How to move beyond just friends?
Are you tired of every guy in your life wanting to be “just friends”? This is how Ginger was feeling when she submitted her question.
Ginger asked: Whenever I find a guy I’m interested in I start talking to him in a friendship kind of way, but that’s all it turns into, friendship. Any advice?
Sounds like you’re great at making friends with people of the opposite sex, Ginger. This is a fantastic skill many people don’t develop. Having great friends is priceless. But I understand that you’re looking for something more than another friend.
Consider How You Present Yourself
The reality is that not everyone you’re attracted to is going to be attracted to you as more than a friend. You can’t control who is attracted to you, but you can control how you present yourself.
It is also important to have a life outside of your desire to be in a relationship. Have a little bit of mystery about you. Guys like a challenge, and they like a girl with other interests. Sometimes a girl can put so much energy into trying to show a guy how much she likes him that she appears to not have much of a life outside of this pursuit. Flirting is O.K. Desperation is a turn-off.
My advice is to go live life to the fullest! This will make you even more attractive.
What do Guys Look for First?
Guys and girls are the same in this way…they both want to know what the other is looking for.
Miranda asked: What exactly do boys think about and look for when they FIRST meet you? I wonder all the time, and I try to read their faces – but what really goes on in their heads?
I feel I must answer this honestly and the truth is most guys look first to see how attractive the girl is to him. (Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder!). They are also interested to see if there is some kind of chemistry between them. This is the case nine times out of ten. Most guys are very visual and for whatever reason, quickly sum up the impression they have received from the girl in a matter of seconds.
After that, most guys try to figure out what kind of person you are. For example: Are you kind? Are you confident? Do you have a sense of humor? Are you shy? Arrogant? Can you carry on a good conversation? Do you have anything in common? Do you show any signs of being interested in them? Remember, most guys make quick observations about these things. In the end, it is these characteristics that will get a guy to stick around.
Be Comfortable in Your Skin
I’m guessing behind your question is an even more practical one: How do I get guys to notice me? My number one tip is to be comfortable in your own skin. You should like yourself. It is also incredibly attractive when a girl takes more of an interest in other people than in herself, and makes those around her feel good about themselves. Being attractive, doesn’t necessarily mean “hot” or gorgeous.
If guys aren’t noticing you as much as you’d like, it could be you’re not portraying who you really are. More times than not, it is how you feel about yourself that determines how attractive you really are. Not every guy is going to think you’re the hottest, most beautiful woman in the world. Who cares! What matters is you are who you are, and that you’re becoming more loving every day. In the end, that will attract the kind of guy you need to be with anyway.
For more dating advice for girls read: How to know if he’s just not that into you and much more.
Photo by Keira Burton