Do I Stay With My Porn Addicted Boyfriend?

Maggie's boyfriend is a good guy, but he's addicted to porn.

Maggie's Question:

Maggie: I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 ½ years. And that’s the longest relationship either one of us has had. We’ve just recently moved in together. I’m only 17, but I think he would rather choose porn over me. He doesn’t do it to be rude. He just does it and thinks he can get away with it.

Just barely an hour ago, I got in the shower, and I got out and he was on the computer. He was trying to exit out of it. Another time, we got into an argument, so I decided to go on a walk and went and got some drinks for us. I came back and I looked in the window and he was looking at porn again on the same computer. I tried to get in and he tried to deny the whole thing. He said, “I wasn’t on it.”, just lying to me. I don’t know why he has to lie to me.

I know I’m only 17, and there’s a lot more out there, but I’ve put everything into him.

Dawson McAllister's Answer:

Dawson: First of all, it’s not about you. It’s about his own need. And these women that he’s watching they are always willing. You ever noticed that…that they are always willing? There are no complications. There are no mood swings.

Maggie: And he’s a really good kid. He graduated high school. He’s never done drugs.

Dawson: He’s still an addict though.

Maggie: I don’t know how to stop him.

Dawson: You can’t.  He has to come to it on his own.

Maggie: I know, but I don’t think he wants to.    

Dawson: No, he doesn’t. He’s got an addiction. Think about it as if he was on heroin…. same, same. The addictions are all brothers and sisters. They all hold hands.

Maggie: Do I stay with him? 

Dawson: No.

Maggie: No?

Dawson: You’re enabling him to have both worlds. Unless he’s willing to get help.

Maggie: He’s not.

Dawson: It’s not about you, it’s just that there are no complications with these women. These women will do things you may not do. Maggie, he’s not even trying to deal with this addiction, and he won’t until he has to.

Maggie: I come from a family with drug addicts and stuff. My dad is actually in prison again right now.  

Dawson: Isn’t that something, how you can find another addict like how you did?  

Maggie: Yes. 

Dawson: Maggie, you’re making a mistake by staying with him. He’ll continue to stay with his addiction just like a drug addict, until he has to get off his addiction. And you staying there is helping him stay on his addiction.

Maggie: I know. 

Dawson: So, Maggie, it doesn’t matter what you’ve invested in him, the only way he’s going to come to his senses is for you to get out and him to figure out he’s got to grow up. He’s got to change and work on this.

Pornography addiction isn't made up. It's a real issue that can damage romantic relationships. Learn the risks and get help.

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