Is It Love, Lust, or Infatuation?

Christine is not sure she knows what true love is. She’s in a relationship right now, but isn’t sure if it’s love, lust or infatuation.

Love or Lust

CHRISTINE (JACKSONVILLE, FL) QUESTION:

Christine: I have been in past relationships with people who I thought at the time, “I love him.” But really, I know that I was just highly infatuated. And I’m in a relationship right now with somebody, but I’m worried that I’m just highly infatuated, and I’m not knowing what true love is or not. I’m trying to figure out if it’s lust, or highly infatuated, or if it actually could be love.

DAWSON MCALLISTER'S ANSWER:

Dawson: You’re throwing around several words there: love, lust, and infatuation. They are 3 different thoughts.

Infatuation is the emotional impulse of love. It feels like love, it acts like love, but it does not pass some important tests - the test of time, the test of difficult circumstances, the test of distance, really the test of knowing one another.

Lust is when you take something that is good, you twist it to the bad, and then crave for it. You can lust over food. You can lust over clothes. You can lust over houses. You can lust overpower, money. Lust in a relationship is when your boyfriend thinks your body is far more important to him than your soul. Love is all about loving the person’s soul. Lust is all about worshipping, craving after the body.

So, do you think the relationship with your boyfriend is infatuation, lust, or love?

Christine: Now, I’m confused, I don’t know if it’s infatuation or love, because it doesn’t ever appear he’s just in it for the sex or in it for how I look. I don’t think it’s that.

Dawson: Do you know how you’ll find out? Time! See, love grows. You don’t blow into a love relationship; you grow into it. Love is patient. Love is a growing process, and any amount of growth takes time. In time, you will find out whether it grows into something deeper, or whether it wilts under the sunlight. I can’t tell you right away. All I can say, is protect yourself as you find out.

Want more information about how lust affects life and relationships? Search our library of ebooks, blogs, and podcasts for answers to questions like:

How Do I Know It’s Love?
How Do I Talk to My Boyfriend or Girlfriend About Sexual Boundaries?

Get support from a HopeCoach about your relationship challenges. It's free and confidential. Our HopeCoaches are certified in QPR suicide prevention and no matter what the issue they provide a listening ear, encouragement and guidance.