Dealing with Divorce, 4 Tips for Healthy Healing

Are You Dealing With Divorce Right Now?

If you are dealing with divorce, whether it is your parents' divorce or your own divorce, it is one of the most tragic events you can experience. Unfortunately, it's become such a common occurrence, it's easy to think you're supposed to act like it's no big deal, even though you feel like you're dying inside. Whatever you're feeling, no matter how terrible, you're not alone. In this blog, let's talk about ways to deal with divorce in a healthy way.

Being Honest About Your Hurt and Pain

Some experts believe the trauma of divorce is more difficult than even the death of a loved one. With the death of a parent, the loss is complete. There's a certain finality to it. But with divorce, the loss seems to have no ending (you may hope your parents will get back together again), and the pain is ongoing.

Going through a divorce is like getting your heart torn in pieces. -Rayette

One of the worst things you can do is ignore your true feelings and tell yourselves lies to seemingly help take away the pain. Suppressed or unexpressed feelings can lead to anger, depression, and even addiction. You are responsible for dealing with your pain and getting healing, which means don't ignore your feelings.

Leigh wrote about how keeping her feelings bottled up created more problems than it solved. "I thought I was protecting myself, but I started getting really angry and I was taking it out on the people around me. I was also so focused on myself that I didn't even stop to think that there were other people who were hurting. So my advice would be to write it out and talk it out. When I told my friend what was going on, I felt like a burden had been lifted off of my shoulders."

Dealing with the truth about divorce may bring you face to face with awful emotional pain. But the hurt, if handled in the right way, will lead to freedom and healing.

Refusing to Blame Others and Take Responsibility for Your Own Healing

Just like denial is a trap, you can also fall into the trap of blame holding others so responsible for your pain that you refuse to be accountable for your own actions. When you blame others, you feel justified in acting out your own anger and destructive behavior. No one really takes responsibility for their healing until they develop a plan, such as deciding what kind of person you want to be, how you plan to deal with your parents, and how you would like to grow from this experience.

Courtney said she could blame her parents for getting a divorce, but instead, she's choosing to catch a bigger vision for how good her life can be: I want to believe in 'true love,' but have a hard time seeing it because it has never been in a home around me. But when I get married, if I do, divorce is not an option. I cannot and will not raise a child the way I was.

There's no question that you, like Courtney, are the victim of your parents' divorce. But remember, you are still responsible for dealing with your pain and healing.

Grieving Over the Deep Loss In Your Life

When your parent's divorce, a part of you is ripped away. Something that was so important to you is now gone. And you feel like your life will never be the same again. Divorce shatters the sense of security you had when there was both a father and a mother who loved each other and who would love and provide for you. This is truly heartbreaking. Talking about your pain is something you must do. You cannot grieve your losses alone.

There's nothing weak about grieving. When you express tears of sorrow, share memories, and talk through your feelings, you can start to see hope again. Talking about your pain is something you must do. You cannot grieve your losses alone. You must find someone you can trust, such as a pastor, counselor, therapist, friend, or an adult friend. Remember, TheHopeLine is available for private one-on-one chat.

Evangeline said, "The most important thing is to find one person, that no matter where you go, you can always talk to. Having at least one person to vent to is critical in how you get through hard times."

My parents got divorced when I was two. I'm thirteen now and I have to go through their horrible parenting. But as long as you have someone on your side to talk to, then you'll find out that it's not your fault and you'll grow out of your pain. -Meagan

Taking Comfort and Hope from God

God wants to use the people in your life to bring you comfort in your times of sorrow. You might even consider writing a letter to God, expressing your sadness. God knows your heartache and wants to help you.

Wherever you are in the healing process, God wants to comfort you and God will help you through it. And He wants to use you to help others who are also struggling with the pain of divorce and its consequences. God doesn't want you to continually see yourself as a victim. Instead, He wants to help you so that by His power you can overcome this difficult experience. Instead of getting bitter, He will help you get better.

But whatever you do, don't give up. There is hope for you. Millions of people have gone through what you are experiencing and have overcome their hurt. You can too!

Don't let your parents' divorce control your life and whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP! Do not run. You can't run from your problems, they will follow you for the rest of your life. -Amanda

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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3 comments on “Dealing with Divorce, 4 Tips for Healthy Healing”

  1. I have been divorced for 7 years, we reconciled about 3 years ago and recently split up again, I was collecting the offering at church and saw her with another man, totally crushed me...

  2. I'm going through divorce after i findout my husband cheated on me i just don't know how to feel no more i just guess i wasn't a good wife after all.....

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