As we cruise through the 50 questions you have about the opposite sex, a major theme has emerged. It seems like everyone would love to be able to read the mind of the person they are interested in dating. Unfortunately, mind reading is not possible. But what is possible, is to learn how to communicate more clearly and honestly what you are feeling. Only through time and open and meaningful conversation can you begin to understand what your dating partner is really like. This big challenge is what both of this week’s questions are about.
I Am Getting Mixed Signals
Shelly commented: “My friend keeps saying things about how he likes me so much, and then next day, he acts like he doesn’t even see me.”
And Bret shared: “There’s a girl I like who flirts with me sometimes and at other times she walks right past me.”
It sounds like you’re both dealing with emotional mixed signals, which quickly leads to confusion. Some people send mixed signals because they like to, and they’re good at it. For them, it is a power and ego trip. They’ll play the game with just about anybody because they’re hooked on the game. You need to avoid flirt addicts at all costs. Because in the end, you will get an emotional pie in the face. Let’s face it, you have enough drama in your life without asking for more.
That being said, many relationships are destroyed simply by a lack of clear communication. Without it, you can imagine all kinds of crazy things are going on in your friend’s head, when in fact, he or she may simply be thinking about some problem they are facing. When people are hurting, it’s easy for them to become preoccupied and walk right by the people who can help them the most.
Be careful to not read too much into the signals you pick up from guys or girls. Girls, you might be thinking a particular guy really likes you, when in fact, he’s just being friendly. Same with guysjust because she smiles at you doesn’t mean she wants to go out with you.
Guys, you need to be careful of sending the wrong signals to girls. When you touch or flirt with a girl she’s going to assume you’re interested in her. Be respectful of her, and yourself, by not sending these mixed signals. Remember, anyone can flirt. Ladies, you might be tempted to think you can’t be nice to another guy without worrying about how he’s going to interpret your kindness. Be yourself, but be careful about being overly sexy or a tease.
If you are getting one signal one day from a person you’re trying to date, and then the next day it’s another signal, you might not be on the same page about what kind of relationship you have, meaning that it’s probably time to have a talk and get to the bottom of it, or move on. In the end, the only way you can truly clear up the confusion is to talk about it. I would go to the person who is sending you mixed signals and face to face try to clear up the confusion. You might not like what you hear, but at least you won’t be in the dark with crazy imaginations.
Stephen asked: “What are some things I can do to show my girlfriend that I really love her. She says things like, ‘Sometimes I wonder if you really love me or not.’ And I do!”
If you really care about the person you are dating, it’s important for them to know how you feel. It’s sometimes easy to assume the person you love knows how you feel. Most guys don’t understand the power of words and the needs of some women for more assurance. In your mind, you told her you loved her three months ago so she certainly remembers that, right? Ladies, most guys don’t get it when it comes to verbal and emotional assurances. So don’t overreact. Most men learn this over a long period of time. Guys, there are many things you can do and say toshow her that she’s very important to you. Trust me, she will love your efforts.
Here are just a few simple ideas to communicate your affection for her.
1- Spend time with her.
2- Take an interest in the details of her life.
3- Smile, make eye contact.
4- Truly listen to her.
5- Buy her gifts from time to time it doesn’t matter the size or price, it truly is the thought the counts.
6- Invite her to be a part of events with your other friends and family.
7- Surprise her with a special date night.
8- Help her with some of the everyday chores she faces (wash her car, etc.).
9- Be more open about how you feel she wants to know what’s going on in your head and heart.
Thanks for continuing to send your questions to me. I love hearing from you.