As we cruise through the 50 questions you have about the opposite sex, a major theme has emerged. It seems like everyone would love to be able to read the mind of the person they are interested in dating. Unfortunately, mind reading is not possible. But what is possible, is to learn how to communicate more clearly and honestly what you are feeling. Only through time and open and meaningful conversation can you begin to understand what your dating partner is really like. This big challenge is what both of this week’s questions are about.

I Am Getting Mixed Signals

Shelly commented: “My friend keeps saying things about how he likes me so much, and then next day, he acts like he doesn’t even see me.”
And Bret shared: “There’s a girl I like who flirts with me sometimes and at other times she walks right past me.”

It sounds like you’re both dealing with emotional mixed signals, which quickly leads to confusion. Some people send mixed signals because they like to, and they’re good at it. For them, it is a power and ego trip. They’ll play the game with just about anybody because they’re hooked on the game. You need to avoid flirt addicts at all costs. Because in the end, you will get an emotional pie in the face. Let’s face it, you have enough drama in your life without asking for more.

That being said, many relationships are destroyed simply by a lack of clear communication. Without it, you can imagine all kinds of crazy things are going on in your friend’s head, when in fact, he or she may simply be thinking about some problem they are facing. When people are hurting, it’s easy for them to become preoccupied and walk right by the people who can help them the most.

Be careful to not read too much into the signals you pick up from guys or girls. Girls, you might be thinking a particular guy really likes you, when in fact, he’s just being friendly. Same with guysjust because she smiles at you doesn’t mean she wants to go out with you.

Guys, you need to be careful of sending the wrong signals to girls. When you touch or flirt with a girl she’s going to assume you’re interested in her. Be respectful of her, and yourself, by not sending these mixed signals. Remember, anyone can flirt. Ladies, you might be tempted to think you can’t be nice to another guy without worrying about how he’s going to interpret your kindness. Be yourself, but be careful about being overly sexy or a tease.

If you are getting one signal one day from a person you’re trying to date, and then the next day it’s another signal, you might not be on the same page about what kind of relationship you have, meaning that it’s probably time to have a talk and get to the bottom of it, or move on. In the end, the only way you can truly clear up the confusion is to talk about it. I would go to the person who is sending you mixed signals and face to face try to clear up the confusion. You might not like what you hear, but at least you won’t be in the dark with crazy imaginations.

Stephen asked: “What are some things I can do to show my girlfriend that I really love her. She says things like, ‘Sometimes I wonder if you really love me or not.’ And I do!”

If you really care about the person you are dating, it’s important for them to know how you feel. It’s sometimes easy to assume the person you love knows how you feel. Most guys don’t understand the power of words and the needs of some women for more assurance. In your mind, you told her you loved her three months ago so she certainly remembers that, right? Ladies, most guys don’t get it when it comes to verbal and emotional assurances. So don’t overreact. Most men learn this over a long period of time. Guys, there are many things you can do and say toshow her that she’s very important to you. Trust me, she will love your efforts.

Here are just a few simple ideas to communicate your affection for her.

1- Spend time with her.
2- Take an interest in the details of her life.
3- Smile, make eye contact.
4- Truly listen to her.
5- Buy her gifts from time to time it doesn’t matter the size or price, it truly is the thought the counts.
6- Invite her to be a part of events with your other friends and family.
7- Surprise her with a special date night.
8- Help her with some of the everyday chores she faces (wash her car, etc.).
9- Be more open about how you feel she wants to know what’s going on in your head and heart.

Thanks for continuing to send your questions to me. I love hearing from you.
Your Friend,
Dawson

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Comments

losthopefulwaste says

December 31, 2015 at 1:51 am

In a world where love like my parents is hard to come by….when is giving up and walking away ever the wise answer. How much does one person put up with before cashing in their chips, calling it a lost hand and moving on? Or is that the problem today, people quit too easily and lose the value of a love through thick and thin. If you aren’t married, and youre living with your boyfriend or girlfriend at what point is a decision that its not going to work feasible. Or should a person just hang on, keep trying and crying and hoping things improve. How long should a person accept and try to work through issues with their mate before they resign it to being futile and a waste of time??

teddy says

January 11, 2015 at 3:15 am

I been talking to this girl for a few years now I use to have the best conversation with her last hours texting each other to the point where I started to have feelings for her. I was really trying not to make our friendship awkward and just keep it to myself but I ended up telling her how I feel. She tells me she just wants to be friends I understood that and kept treating her as a friend. After some time we lost contact because I moved and even though we had each other on Facebook we will never write to each other on till one day she wrote to me. now we start talking daily then it happens again we stop talking to each other but every time we stop talking most of the time she will be the one writing to me and checking up on me. The reason I don’t be the one looking for her is because I’m just trying to move on but she always seems to try to keep close to me texts me she misses me sometimes saying she loves me but when I ask her out she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend. Is it that she just really values our friendship ?

P says

December 4, 2014 at 6:19 pm

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years. He cheated 4 years into it so I left him for a few months we got back together and got a puppy together. It’s been 8 years and I still fear he’s cheating however we are always together he picks me up from work and drops me off. Takes me to eat invites me over for sleep overs. It’s not even a gut feeling he’s cheating it’s in my head. I’ve adressed it to him and he tells me I need to stop accusing him and he’s learned from his mistake before or he’ll tell me to stop. He puts up with the fighting and everything so I don’t feel like he is but I can’t shake the thoughts out.

- disqus_cbw1hwHBUJ says
  
  December 27, 2014 at 5:49 pm
  
  Usually our guts are right. I hate to say this, but in my experience – once a cheater… always a cheater. Worst case? Ask an attractive single friend to flirt with him at a bar and appear willing. Ask your friend to flirt and make sure she asks him if he’s single. If he’s faithful, no harm done. If he’s not? Sure he’ll be butt hurt, but only because of his wrong actions. I would have no problem whatsoever if my boyfriend pulled this on me, because I know without fail he’d only learn what he already knows… that I’m faithful. If he passes your little test, let it drop and chalk it up to your own worries. If he fails, don’t tell him it was your friend who flirted with him… Just find a polite way to bow out. Say something about your own insecurities being too much for you that you need a clean break. If your little ruse gets out, he’ll just say he cheated because you were always accusing him anyway, and word will get around that you are somehow manipulative or whatever. I only recommend this as an ABSOLUTE last ditch. Honestly, if you don’t feel like you can trust him completely, the easiest way to deal with things is to simply leave in the first place. Sounds like you two probably weren’t meant to be. Sorry to sound callous, but I’ve got a fair bit of experience in the “cheated on” arena.