I'm An Addict and I Felt All Alone

I Felt Abandoned

Hi. I'm Megan and I'm an Addict. I thought that was a weird word. I didn't really ever think I was one. It's a typical story really.

But so hard for me to deal with. I was always an outcast when I was a kid. By the time I started drinking and smoking, my parents had already been divorced and remarried three separate times. I felt that as a teenager I was abandoned. Even though I knew that they were better off apart I still missed my dad. I fought with my mom constantly. Broke all of her rules since I was old enough to break them. I come from a very strict religious home. I grew up with God and Jesus, but I never felt them in my life. Everyone had abandoned me, so why not God as well?

Smoking Pot and Getting Drunk at Thirteen

I never used to think I had a problem. I only drank on the weekends and then I started smoking pot. I was 13 years old, and I was skipping school to smoke pot and get drunk. I then found a new drug...pain pills. I had a kidney infection, so my doctors prescribed me narcotics. I really liked them. I liked the way that I didn't have to feel or think. I could just zone out and forget all of my pains. I was depressed, but my therapists didn't know it, really. I was so good at masking my pain and sorrow; they would think I was fine. I wasn't doing them all the time and I even stopped for several years, but the drinking and smoking continued.

Started Chatting with a HopeCoach When I was 15

I moved out at age 18 and it was really really bad. I was drinking almost all the time. I started getting my hands on any downer pill that would get me high. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I started talking to Hope Coaches at age 15, right after my suicide attempt. They were amazing. I have never forgotten how I felt at the end of that chat. I understood that my life was a mess. Then at age 19, I found the ultimate downer...heroin. It was like those pain pills, only so much better. I could just smoke my problems away. I felt amazing.

Someone Is Always There to Listen

Skip a couple of years...I'm living in a hotel room with my boyfriend, who is selling drugs to keep us supported. I was cut off from all my family and friends. I never wanted it to be like that. I found a place and was okay for a while. Still, all the while, thinking that I didn't have a problem. I didn't use it all the time, just once in a while. I was fine. I got kicked out of the house we moved into because we were just high all the time. All energy and time went into thinking of ways to get money to get drugs. I drove an hour each day to pick up and sometimes twice. I stole.  I lied to people I didn't even know.  I panhandled and because of my innocent look and the fact that I didn't shoot up, so no track marks...people gave me money. I ended up living in a homeless shelter and then in jail. I moved out to live with my mom in another city, and today I'm doing really well. But through it all, I abandoned everything I knew. Talking to a hope coach was amazing. I felt as if I wasn't alone. I haven't seen my boyfriend of 3 years in 6 months. I hear from him all the time and he tells me that I have to get better for me. And that is exactly what I am doing.

I felt so alone today and the HopeCoach I spoke with, helped me realize that no matter what, someone is always there listening.

I know I always have the ability to talk to someone who understands and how I can get in touch with Jesus. The prayer they gave was amazing and touched me so much.

Thank you so much...to the person who made me feel so much less alone.

TheHopeLine Team
For over 30 years, TheHopeLine has been helping students and young adults in crisis. Our team is made up of writers and mental health professionals who care deeply about helping others.
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3 comments on “I'm An Addict and I Felt All Alone”

  1. Beautiful.. My best friend had overdosed and sadly passed way in 09 from heroin.. Tbh, I myself have an addiction, yet to something totally different. I'm glad you are getting better. Keep your head up. ~Melody

  2. I don't know what to say. It is Easter. I cant think of a better day to rise from the ashes a nd become the Phoenix. God works in mysterious ways. Yes he does. Today i I am starting on the path I set upon 3 weeks ago. My name is JASON AND I AM AN ADDICT. Like Megan, we have different lives , but addiction knows no bounds. I am still battling, but i am still standing. The angel of hope and knowing you have support and the ability to change and the will. God has a plan for me. Last winter i was taking 50 - 60 hydrocodone a day, much herion and cocaine some methamphetamine and spent 50k$ on . All kinds. I started at 11. I never thought i would be doing this ( letting it out this way) i may have to sit because of the battle, but i am STILL STANDING. I hope this is making sense. My first time on this site and see some very wise and strong people. I am stepping upon the path today on a new journey called LIVING. It is scary. Please pray. (Yes I need support and hep) Carpe'Diem

  3. Megan, your story will inspire others to hopefully change their life for the better. I've never been an addict to pain medication or illegal substances. I am addicted to nicotine, but I don't believe it's anywhere close to being physically or mentally dependent on illegal substances, especially taking them to make the pain go away.
    Did you ever try going to rehab? There are some rehab centers that don't cost anything and is paid for by the state. It is remarkable the things that you could do at a rehabilitation center.
    If you ever feel that you're going to relapse, don't feel bad just for thinking about it. You want to go to a safe place and no longer feel the pain. That is the way a lot of people are. But the best choice is to talk it out, maybe get a sponsor?
    Have you ever tried Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous? Those meetings are very helpful and can help you stay clean and sober.
    I wish you the best in life. And I pray for you to stay on a good path, and to be who you want to be in life. Stay safe!

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