What to Say to Mend a Friendship
When you have been fighting with a friend, knowing what to say to mend a friendship can be difficult. If it’s not clear where things went wrong, ask your friend to talk things over. If you’ve realized you made a mistake or hurt your friend, a clear and simple apology is best. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I really want to mend our friendship. Will you forgive me? Is there something I can do to make things right or do better in the future?” If you have been hurt by your friend, let them know. It is a difficult conversation to have, but honesty is one of the things that repairs and strengthens friendships. It may take some time to practice forgiveness and rebuild trust. But when you are both willing to work on your friendship, it will get stronger with time. It’s also helpful to remind yourself, and each other, what you are grateful for about one another, and about the unique friendship you have. Focusing on the positives is one way to get over the bumps in the road. If you or your friend need time or space, it doesn’t mean your friendship is doomed. You can use that time to get support from a counselor, mentor, or someone else you trust to give you advice about friendships.
5 Sure Tips to Mend a Friendship
One of life’s greatest gifts is having a best friend. If you have one, you are truly blessed. But you no doubt also know how painful it can be when your best friend is mad at you. Many a friend has spent sleepless nights due to a broken relationship with a best friend. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell exactly what went wrong – if it’s something hurtful you did without realizing it, or if it’s just a misunderstanding. Maybe someone told a lie about you to try and drive a wedge between the two of you.
So what can you do when your best friend is mad at you?
Talk It Out with your Best Friend
When your best friend is mad at you, the first and most important thing you can do is talk about it. Find a place where it’s quiet and tell your friend how important it is to you that the two of you resolve what’s wrong between you. Ask what he/she is feeling, and give her the chance to truly express everything, whatever she wants. At this point, it’s your job to listen. Really listen and don’t break in with your point of view. The more you can feel what your friend is feeling, the better chance you’ll have of fixing your conflict. Jennifer agreed: The only way to fix what went wrong is by letting your friend say everything that makes them mad. Try to understand why they feel that way. All the effort is worth it.
When your best friend is mad at you, the most important thing you can do is talk about it. #BFF Click To TweetDon’t Get Defensive
The worst thing you can do is get defensive when resolving a conflict with your best friend. Don’t quickly react to what your friend is saying. When you hear your friend telling you what he/she thinks you did wrong, it’s natural to immediately feel like you want to defend yourself. Resist that feeling. Remember, there will be time enough for you to express how you feel as well. Don’t forget this is your time to listen. This is not a sign of agreeing, it is just a sign of listening!
Ask What You Can Do
It may take a while for your friend to express everything he/she feels. Some people have a much more difficult time talking about their emotions than others. As your friend tells you what they’re feeling, make sure they are completely finished before you start to talk. I suggest you start by repeating back to your friend what you heard him/her say. For instance, “Am I right you’re angry that I was unkind to you? Is that right?” This gives you both the opportunity to make sure each of you heard what the other said.
The next thing you might want to ask is “What can I do to help mend the relationship?” Many times, your friend will have an idea of what they’d like you to do. At this point, you can decide if you’re willing to do what he/she thinks would help to resolve the situation. Keep in mind, your hurt friend may have a totally unrealistic solution to the problem. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. For example, if she says, “I never want you to talk to my boyfriend again.” Don’t commit to that, for it is totally unrealistic, and unfair.
David said, Sometimes your friend has completely unrealistic expectations. You can either decide to find a middle ground or walk away. Most people don’t know when their expectations are unrealistic. You might find it helpful to say, “I don’t think I can do what you’re asking, but I could do this.” Finding an agreeable middle ground is a great way to make peace with an angry friend.
Be patient, and keep trying to be loving to your friend, even if he or she doesn’t want to respond.
Be Willing To Admit You’re Wrong
If it becomes clear you have done something truly wrong, you need to take responsibility for your actions. It’s easy to think just saying I’m sorry is enough. But those words can seem very shallow if you don’t mean them, or if you don’t know why you’re sorry. Are you sorry because you got caught? Or are you sorry because you can see how you hurt your friend? If you are truly sorry about something you did that hurt your friend, you need to apologize, and then prove you will attempt to never do it again. Clearly ask your friend to forgive you. Make sure you hear the words, I will forgive you before you assume all is well with your friend.
However, your friend may be slow to trust you again, even after you have apologized. He/she will need to see trustworthy behavior from you over a period of time this will prove to her you really are sorry.
If you're truly sorry about something you did that hurt your friend, you need to #apologize. Click To TweetGive It Time
If your friend doesn’t want to talk about what is making him/her so mad, you may have to just give it time. Sometimes the only way to resolve a problem is by letting time pass. Be patient, and keep trying to be a good friend, even if he or she doesn’t want to respond. A blogger, Pumpkin, said she and her best friend have been friends for nearly 12 1/2 years. We have had our ups and downs but we’re still friends. Even the times she tried to pull away and we didn’t talk much, I made a choice to keep on calling her and trying to help find the friendship we once had.
Sometimes one friend has to make the effort to be there for the friend even when you’re not sure they really care if you’re friends or not. It’s impossible to know exactly why some people hold on to anger and resentment longer than what might seem reasonable. Sometimes all you can do is try your best to seek a resolution. You can’t make anybody else do what they don’t want to do. You might want to read this blog I wrote on forgiveness for help learning how to forgive your friend.
Try Your Best
We were created to live in community with other people. When God designed us he made us social/relational beings with the desire to love and be loved. God created us in His very own image…so we have some of the same character traits as God. And God is relational. In fact, He wants a relationship with YOU!
God also knows how important it is to have good friends. The Bible talks about the benefits of having others in your life:
It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, but if there’s no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself, you’re unprotected. With a friend, you can face the worst. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 MSG)
However, it’s important to recognize that sometimes we can only do so much to repair a damaged relationship. In the end, your friend is going to need to want it as well. God knew this and so he wisely advises us just to do our best to find peace.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)
Sometimes friendships grow stronger through the difficult times. So don’t give up on your friend just because you are having difficulties, but know when it might be time to move on.
Every relationship will hit a speed bump at one time or another. Because your best friend knows you so well, it’s easier for that person to really hurt you. Show your friend you are willing to work through the difficult times of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Work toward peace and ask God to help.
Further Recommendations
If you think your friend might be struggling with something beyond just your relationship, check out our eBook library for eBooks on all types of issues and every eBook has a section on how to help a friend who is struggling with that issue.
The Do’s (And Don’ts) When Your Friend Is Battling Depression is really helpful if one of your friends is struggling with depression.
A lot of times, you do have a choice in whom you are close friends with so choose them wisely. For more read Choose Friends Wisely.
Photo Credit: Daiga Ellaby
My best friend is going to my favorite country singers concert on the 16th of this month and I can’t go and I am disappointed that she gets to go with her mom but I can’t and we have been friends since 10th grade and I don’t know if I should still be her friend or not please and I didn’t even sing in church this morning because I was sitting by my friend
So, I was mad at my bestie cuz she started to hang out with this other friend and I felt as the third weel. This isn’t the first time it happens, but it’s the first time we don’t text each other or even spend time together for more tha 2 weeks. I told her why I was mad at her, and she replied that she was happy like this and that she doesn’t want to be my third wheel and that she’s always the one who is sad. But that’s not true at all. I haven’t sleep for days because of this arguement. I’ve texted her that maybe I was wrong and I sad sorry (it was really meant), but she hasn’t replied. Idk what to do with her, I’m really sad cuz she’s my best friend and now I’m loosing her (I have another bestis but the friendship we have is way different). What should I do? I’ve already tried to speak to her but she says that she’s happy now.
(btw, sorry if there are some mistakes but I’m an italian teenager of 14 years old)
My friend was angry at me hugging her she said “Can you not put your arm around me!?” I just walked away angry. I guess I should have asked her what was wrong but she doesn’t tell me. I tell her everything, but she tells me nothing… I personally think she’s isn’t a hundred percent committed to our friendship or because I told her I liked her then a month later I asked her if she liked me she said no. I pretty sure I made feel guilty because I was super sad and she saw it. I’m going to apologize to her tomorrow thanks for the help (this all happened recently btw).
She was yelling at me bcuz she thought I liked a guy, even though I really didn’t. She now has not talked to me AT ALL and it is starting to make me mad.
Don’t get mad that get worst. You have to make your friend you don’t like him for example show her prove
my friends are dating and I am a third wheel. I began to sit with them and talk to them and joke about their relationship and how I ship it. Now they both hate me and won’t talk to me. she now hangs out with other kids. I used to call her my kid now she calls someone else her ” dad ” this breaks my heart
🙁
My best friend is angry on me because I didn’t call her for a while.
..and now she don’t want to talk with me..
What can I do..
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My friend is angry at me just because i didn’t wait for him after school since then he’s been avoiding me it’s almost two weeks he is a boy and I’m a girl we’re both teenagers i don’t know what to do like for real ans it hurts me badly that he ignores me this days
But what if they come up with something else right after we resolve the problem? Me and my friend talked it out and resolved everything, or at least I thought. Than she texted me again with another problem and now I’m completely drained
My best friend is refusing to ‘talk it out’ and has made a new best friend which she does everything with and has been avoiding me for a week
My best friend has gotten a boyfriend. I don’t want to get into her relationship but the guy doesn’t respect her and rides our bus. He gets mad at her for nothing. I might be making it sound a little out of hand. He is in eighth grade and she is in seventh. I tried to talk it out with her. She just gives me reason that makes me sound like the bad guy. I didn’t like the guy before they started dating him. She doesn’t even look at me anymore and started telling all her information to my sister instead of me. She stays with him all the time.
Its not really easy when our loved ones or our best friends are mad at us. Maybe we did some rude things or we did some mistakes and vice versa. These tips can really help. We must always give time to each other. And always fight rudeness with kindness. Always be kind to everyone.