Dawson’s Blog

How Lying Hurts You

My blogs about of lying have generated a tremendous response. It seems everyone has been affected one way or the other by lies. Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. This week, I want to talk about the powerful and damaging effects of lying. So how does lying hurt all of us?

Everyone agrees that lying hurts you and everyone around you.

Lying Destroys Relationships

If you’ve ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. You can’t help but wonder why a friend or family member would treat you so poorly. I received a comment from Brooke, who said:My dad lies to us (my brothers and I) about going out to bars and drinking. He doesn’t think we will find out but he is always wrong! I tell him how much it hurts us each time he does lie but he just keeps on lying. The worst lie he has told me was that he was with my brother and not at the barbut I was with my brother.

how lying hurts youWhen you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in your relationship. Rebecca said: I am a single mom of a teenage daughter. Her continuous lies have created a huge barrier in our relationship. I always catch her in lies and it hurts. The lying escalated to sneaking around doing things with friends I don’t approve of and that hurts.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust. This has been Ally’s experience. She said:Once someone has lied to you, it somehow always happens again.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust.

Jessie said: When I was little, I told lies all the time, and never felt guilty about them. But then something happened that I needed to tell someone about, and nobody believed me. My early lying paved the way for years of heartache. Now, I never lie. Ever. It’s just not worth it. When you need the trust of others that you’ve lost, it’s the worst feeling in the world.

So what do you want your relationships to be based on? Lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict? Or do you want relationships to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? It’s up to you to decide.

When you lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go.

Lying Destroys You with its Vicious Cycle

When you continue to lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you.

A fellow blogger wrote to me about his problem with lying: I have a lying problem and it has been causing issues ever since I was a little kid. The worst part is how I have to constantly break ties with people so I won’t get caught in the lies I’ve told. So time and time again I find myself all alone, with no friends and a lot of places I have to avoid. And I can’t even blame anybody else because it’s my fault for telling those lies in the first place and then not being able to face up to them.

Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse. Steven H. said: Lies grow, they never stand alone, they need more lies to support the first lie. So, if you don’t fess up immediately…it grows like a cancer. It cannot be stopped. 

Whitney said: “For me lying is like a drug, an addiction. I have become used to lying – it comes out without me even thinking or realizing I am doing it. To me, lying is so bad I sometimes think I’m lying to myself.”

It’s time for you to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of your life.

People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by fear – a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. Jordan said: “I’ve lied to my parents a lot. The know almost nothing about me, except for who I pretend to be. I wish I could clear the air with them but I know they wouldn’t accept the true me, so instead I lie to please them. I wish I had told the truth.”Jordan fails to understand that he can clear the air with his parents and have the freedom of walking in the truth.

It all comes down to this: Lying comes with a huge cost – it destroys lives. Relationships will crumble and people will refuse to trust you. But the person most hurt by your lying is you. It’s time for all of us to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of our lives. Are you up for it?

For more information and help, click the link below to download TheHopeLine® eBook, “Understanding Lying.”

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • 19LudiS

    I am experiencing something like an addiction and my parents are trying to find a therapist

  • brody winters!!

    I’m having a problem with Lying.. its become a bad problem

  • goose

    In the heart and tongue of the one who lies this pain will dwell til the lieis broken

  • Hope

    Trying to overcome the addiction to lying myself, I want to offer you hope. It’s easy to beat yourself up and feel like you are all alone but you are not. The thing is, EVERYONE struggles with something. These struggles come from living in a sinful world. We have choices and although you might feel that you “can’t help yourself” that in itself is a lie straight from hell. I think of any addiction as a stronghold. In order to break a stronghold, the first step to breaking it is you realize you have a problem. The second step is writing out goals on how you are going you break this habit. I’ve started by praying “I will watch my ways & keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth” (Psalm 39:1). I have overcome other strongholds in this manner. There is power in the word of God to break every chain that binds you. The Lord is full of mercy and grace and he is just to forgive every sin. Lying is sin. Period. And calling it what it is is another step in overcoming it. The good news is God promises to complete the good work he started in you and he will see you through this if you trust in Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. He loves you just were you are. Forgive yourself too (this is one of the hardest things to do). You are not a bad person because you lie. Lying is wrong but it does not define you if you are a child of God. Confess your sin and turn from i

  • perry

    Heyy i have the same issue , he also lied to me about meeting his ex which broke my heart.into.pieces and i left him as well. Are you still.broken ? Could you do that ? Did you get back together ?

  • valerie

    My boyfriend always lie.. And i chose to tuciturn to avoid hearing lies from him because everytime that he lies i get hurt ,mad then i end up forgiving him again. Its a cycle , im now beginning to question my self worth.. Asking myself whats wrong with me that he always lie to me.

  • mwilliams

    My husband lies through manipulation. My whole family loves him but they call him “the master manipulator”. He greatly exaggerates stories either make them more or less depending on what he wants to achieve with the person he’s telling the lie to. Its embarrassing and a turn off. I’ve called him out the last 2-3 years. Things got really bad for a while because of me standing up to him. But it’s gotten better. He still lies but not as much….at least to me. He still lies (manipulates) everyone else. I don’t trust anything he says to this day.

    • Wombat

      Hi MWilliams -wondering how you maintain a relationship with someone you don’t trust. I don’t see how that can be done.

  • MCNY

    I had the same problem with my husband who I’ve been married for 21 years. He stayed out late and told me he worked late. Went to a pool party and told me has a project to complete… I lost the trust I had for him. I don’t know when he I’d telling the true and when is not. I really wish I can be like you, just leave him, get myself out of the situation. My sons begged me not to separate with his dad because they need both of the parents. I am stuck.

  • Kevin

    I have a friend who lied to me about something and it hurt me real bad. I never wanted to talk to him ever again. But I followed what the Bible says and keep going with life. He still lies to me (even times when where talking about someone) and has never stopped since. I don’t know what to do anymore but just to do what the Bible says and try to work it out. Can anyone help me give advice or something I should do.

    • Sometimes it is wise to set up a boundary to protect yourself. Even when you forgive someone God doesn’t expect you to still have an ongoing relationship with someone who is untrustworthy or harmful to you. You can chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 for advice about relationships and a listening ear. We care and we understand – https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  • BER

    I’m a teenage girl and I live with my grandparents. My grandfather works during the day and doesn’t come home till after I’m asleep, so I only see him on the weekends. My grandmother is retired, so I see her all the time. I love my grandparents alot and I’m grateful for how they took me and my twin brother in out of no where. The only problem is that I have a really bad problem with lying we have been struggling with this around two years now. There’s a bad problem where I do good for a little while then I break down again, then we argue and my grandmother is mad at me again. We have both decided that this is the last straw, I’m writing this now in hopes that someone out there will have some advice for me.

  • Pete

    I became friends with a girl last November, I just wanted someone to talk to, an ear to listen to me and someone that I could confide in, anyway, at the start of the friendship we became intimate, we would see each other every second or third day and we would talk a lot about the stuff that I did when I was younger and she would talk about the stuff she had done
    Did you ever get a gut feeling that something was not quite right about someone and you could not put your finger on what it was, after a few months I told her that I had to stop the intimate part of our friendship and that we could only be friends, she was upset and annoyed but said that it was OK and agreed that is was for the best.
    As time went by I began to fall in love with her, she damaged her finger in work and we would see each other everyday while she was out of work, so that is when I fell in love with what I thought was the best person to have come into my life, she was funny, held a good conversation and she made me laugh,
    She talked about another friend she knew in another country and would often visit him but told me that they were only friends and nothing more, she would go as far as saying that she did not find him attractive and he was not her type, I would tease her about this and even called him her far off boyfriend.
    To cut a long story short, it turns out that he was her boyfriend and that she was in a relationship for the past 6 months with him, this hurt so deeply with me that I felt that she had betrayed my trust in her ( I let down my barriers and walls for this women ), I got so angry that I said things in the heat of the moment and could not control my emotions and it was very nasty, I have never felt as empty, lonely and sad in my whole life as I do now, I found out that everything she said to me was lies, she used excuses about her family, her health, her job and her new boyfriend.
    It got to the point that when I confronted her with the evidence of her lies that she blamed her friend that told me about her.
    She has not spoken to me in nearly 6 weeks, she made me angry so that she could block me on all social media just to make herself feel good about what she did, so why do I feel so guilty about this when she was a compulsive liar ?

  • Chandra Pellman

    remember if you are married and split it is always the hardest on the kids. I’m 14 and my parents said they are done once I move out it is one wave of depression after another.