How Lying Hurts You

It seems everyone has been affected one way or the other by lies. Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. So, I want to talk about the powerful and damaging effects of lying. So how does lying hurt all of us?

Everyone agrees that lying hurts you and everyone around you.

Lying Destroys Relationships

If you've ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. You can't help but wonder why a friend or family member would treat you so poorly. I received a comment from Brooke, who said: My dad lies to us (my brothers and I) about going out to bars and drinking. He doesn't think we will find out, but he is always wrong! I tell him how much it hurts us each time he does lie but he just keeps on lying. The worst lie he has told me was that he was with my brother and not at the bar, but I was with my brother.

When you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in your relationship. Rebecca said: I am a single mom of a teenage daughter. Her continuous lies have created a huge barrier in our relationship. I always catch her in lies and it hurts. The lying escalated to sneaking around doing things with friends I don't approve of and that hurts.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it's nearly impossible to regain trust. This has been Ally's experience. She said: Once someone has lied to you, it somehow always happens again.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it's nearly impossible to regain trust.

Jessie said: When I was little, I told lies all the time, and never felt guilty about them. But then something happened that I needed to tell someone about, and nobody believed me. My early lying paved the way for years of heartache. Now, I never lie. Ever. It's just not worth it. When you need the trust of others that you've lost, it's the worst feeling in the world.

So, what do you want your relationships to be based on? Lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict. Or do you want relationships to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? It's up to you to decide.

When you lie, it's like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go.

Lying Destroys You with its Vicious Cycle

When you continue to lie, it's like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you.

A fellow blogger wrote to me about his problem with lying: I have a lying problem and it has been causing issues ever since I was a little kid. The worst part is how I have to constantly break ties with people so I won't get caught in the lies I've told. So time and time again I find myself all alone, with no friends and a lot of places I have to avoid. And I can't even blame anybody else because it's my fault for telling those lies in the first place and then not being able to face up to them.

Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse. Steven H. said: Lies grow, they never stand alone, they need more lies to support the first lie. So, if you don't fess up immediately...it grows like a cancer. It cannot be stopped. 

Whitney said: "For me lying is like a drug, an addiction. I have become used to lying - it comes out without me even thinking or realizing I am doing it. To me, lying is so bad I sometimes think I'm lying to myself."

It's time for you to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of your life.

People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. Jordan said: "I've lied to my parents a lot. They know almost nothing about me, except for who I pretend to be. I wish I could clear the air with them but I know they wouldn't accept the true me, so instead I lie to please them. I wish I had told the truth." Jordan fails to understand that he can clear the air with his parents and have the freedom of walking in the truth.

It all comes down to this: Lying comes with a huge cost - it destroys lives. Relationships will crumble and people will refuse to trust you. But the person most hurt by your lying is you. It's time for all of us to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of our lives. Are you up for it?

You can overcome your compulsive lying habit! Listen to my podcast, where I help three people struggling with a lying habit that is destroying their lives.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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36 comments on “How Lying Hurts You”

  1. Hi all,
    I wish we were discussing on better terms. I just can't seem to escape habitual liars. I recently tried to like dating after a horrible relationship with a guy in out of jail. I was free from him and healed. I decided to date on-line I meet a guy who wanted a serious relationship swooped me up quickly with attention phone calls sexting. He called me his wife made promises. Told me I was getting Queen treatment. Cancel any dating site I was on. We're going to write our love story to dating site. We found true love. I later found him on multiple dating sites with a updated shirt he wore around me. He said his email updates his site when he changes pics. I flew to his city twice a month for a weekend. After I found him on site I tried to cancel my ticket but still went. Just to find 2 wine glasses in the sink. Condoms rappers open missing condoms. My dress I left was taking down folded in a ben. I was furious. Hurt betrayed. The pain is horrible. I really thought I was his future. I was just a toy in his player pin. My anger led me to try to hurt him back. He is a genius at this so he ignored all my pain. Turned cold shoulder. Told me to leave him alone. All I wanted was an answer. He kept up his lie. Um just something that was. Now my heart mind soul is in rage for the truth. 1 week fresh out of break up. Sadly exposed.

  2. I was swept off my feet 2 1/2 years ago by this charming man. The night I met him he told me that he lost his wife and daughter in a car accident and he cried. He had me in tears feeling so bad for him. Very long story short after spending thousands of dollars on him and using my credit to get him a place to live I kept finding proof of his lies. When I would confront him he would continue to lie. I knew in my gut he was full of it. I gave this man everything.....my entire being. I believed all his charming words and that was what was so confusing to me. I didn't have an ounce of trust for him and he knew that. Finally because I was getting close to finding him out he ended it with me which he actually did me a favor. I ended up finding the wife he said he lost and spoke to her. She said her and her daughter were alive and well and that he isn't even the father of this girl. I couldn't believe that any human being could lie about such a heartbreaking thing. That was just the beginning of the absurd lies he would tell me. He always felt like he had to earn admiration from everyone through gifts and flowers. He always used to say "I'm a good man" or "I'm a stand up guy" I was shocked beyond belief when I found out what a lying cheating rotten person he truly is. That's why he can't keep a relationship. I have never in my life felt so betrayed and decieved. I just wish there was something I could do because I know he's already moved on to his next victim. This all just happened a week ago.

  3. I am an adopted child,I have been trough things a child should not go trough,but i am a survivor. My adopted mother said a lie to the family. know the family wont show up to my anniversary party they are ignoring me due to her lie. the same thing happen on my wedding day. no one went to my wedding. and is all due to she babies her daughter. and she is the one that starts it all with all her mistakes. but she takes care of the issues she has but mom steps in and gets the hole family in a pickle. I don't like to lie i don't gain anything from it so why do it. I am so upset with this my guess are not coming due to this as my guess are most family. how can i leave them behind. I don't want there drama no more is just one after another.

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