5 Things to Think and Do When you Hate Yourself

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Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves.   I want to give you some things to do when you start to hear yourself say things like, “I hate myself,” “I’m no good,” “I’m so stupid,” or “I’m worthless.” The truth is—you are NONE of those things. But it’s easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.girl in anguish alone

So what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

1) Decide you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you—other than you! It’s your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you’ve been thinking, and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It’s often been said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better.”

Cody wrote: “I’ve found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self hate is born.” It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you’re feeling better about yourself.

If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

2) Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight…you can start eating properly, and getting exercise—TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change, and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) – some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don’t you get stuck in that trap!

3) Build up your self-esteem

Make a list of your 10 best qualities.

Can’t think of 10? There are more than you think. But try starting with one. For example, “I am a loyal friend” or “I care about others,” or “I am in touch with how I feel,” or “I have a lot to offer my friends,” or “I am a good listener,” etc.

Then add to the list.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive. Betsy wrote: “Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can’t please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.”

Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Find out the things you love, try new things, go new places

. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words: “I Hate Myself” ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

4) Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life, things of which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don’t.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Rayven wrote: “When I start to hate myself, I think about people that have it worse and can’t change it. If I ever want to change something about myself, I think of someone with a disease or disorder they can’t help—someone that obviously has it worse than me and then I’m grateful.”

5) Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God’s love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you’ll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it’s this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: “Its very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.” As you start believing in yourself more, you’ll have more good days than bad. It’s easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God – this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • dep

    This is stupid….I still hate myself. Give me something that actually makes.a difference. There is nothing.

    • TheHopeLine Team

      Dep, We want you to know that you matter and you are loved and worthy. How about calling or chatting with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine? Call 800.394.4673 or click on “get help” to chat anytime 24/7.If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, call, get an email mentor, recieve encouragemet here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp

  • Gene

    Sorry, but I am going to have to agree with dep, I still hate myself too. I don’t get me wrong do love God and knows that He loves me but from all of the things that I have been through in my life and I am wanting to find my other half in life. I don’t want to give up on that but I can’t help but feel that no one loves me and it hurts me to my core that I actually have feelings for someone now and he is offish and there is no one else trying to get with me either so I feel unlovable and unattractive to the opposite sex and i am definitely not gay so…but I get compliments from married men who obviously I cannot have and do not want anyway. I still feel a lot of self hatred for myself right now. I hear people telling me that there is someone out there for me but I feel that I keep having to let go of really great guys so I feel like I am not worthy of a great guy. It makes me think that if anyone comes into my life it is someone that I am not really attracted to that i have to learn to love.

  • santu

    I am not handsomebboy that’s y am I hate my self I fear with girls as they like mevr not rly me wat can I do?

  • anizha

    I tottaly feel now there’s a reason to lovw who i am

  • Dog

    Dont give up god has perfect timeing and just keep praying it gets better

  • seemssohard

    I think there might b something wrong with me in my childhood my step mom hated me and my mother beat me then my dad died and my aunt kciked me out my oldest borther hates me and as far as i can tell my boyfriend doesnt care either… the issue is i dont know what i did wrong in my mind at most im annoying but then everyone iv ever lived with seems to hate me. How can i not know y? I try so hard everyday to make my bf’s life easier and netter to make sure he gets everythung he wants i sold my car to pay bills and my inheritance from my dad dying i clean i make his lunches everyday and for the duration of our 2 year relationship all iv asked for back was to feel wanted such as spending time with me bot all of it i dont want to b needh just like 1 night a week where there aremt any video games and mayb 1 sunday a month but he just doesnt want to then when u get mad and complain i just feel bad like im a b****h and all i do is complain… i think it must b me because so many ppl are like this in my life im just not sure wat im doing wrong i really dont like myself but i also feel like im right when i complain until i start to feel guilty idk i really just am sick of life i miss my dad and i want to feel loved like someone wants me always and i think of that and want to hurt myself but then ppl will b upset with me if i tell them theyl think i just want attention