Help! I'm A Single Mom!

Help! I'm a Single Mom!

It's hard to be a parent. But to be a single parent, is even more challenging. If you are a single parent trust me when I say, you are definitely not alone! There are nearly 14 million single parents in the US, and a vast majority of the load of raising their kids is being carried by the mothers. Many people I talk to on my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, are single mothers simply trying to find ways to cope. Trying to find ways to bring in enough money, take care of the responsibilities of a house or apartment, and still allow their children to have the life they long for them to have. It can be overwhelming. That's why I wanted to address this important issue.

It's hard to be a parent, but a single mom is even harder!

In being a responsible single mom you are saying, my life is no longer my own. So, how does one become a successful single mom? Especially when all you feel is overwhelmed and stressed-out? Is there room for hope that things will get better? With God's help, there is always hope. Here are some thoughts to help you not only survive, but also to thrive!

Realize your life will never be quite the same again. My mama used to say, People make their choices, and their choices make them. She used to also say, When you say yes to one thing, you may be saying no to something else. For whatever reason, however it came about, if you are a single mom, you said yes to putting yourself in a situation where you could become a parent. And becoming a parent changes everything. And nothing will more radically change your day-to-day life than being a single mother.

Rhea says that she has been a single Mom for two years now. It is not an easy road. The added responsibility sucks the life out of a person because you're dealing with many issues: dealing with childcare while you're working, the many times you may have to miss work due to sickness of your kids, the instability of support you may receive, making enough money to support yourself and your kids AND find a little extra in there somewhere for a little recreation.

In being a responsible single mom you are saying, my life is no longer my own. I have to think about my child first before I think about myself. Every decision I make has to be based on how it will affect my child(ren), which includes: who to you date, what you do with your free time, your education, your extended family, your living situation, and in fact, every aspect of your life. Nothing will more radically change your day-to-day life than being a single mother. It's not easy accepting all that responsibility and change. But it's well worth it. At the end of the day, what's more important than your children?

Until you reach that place where you realize that your life will never be the same again, both you and your children will suffer. Every single mom has to answer the question: Outside of my relationship with God, are my priorities focused on my children first?

I am also going to talk about issues single mothers face in their relationships with men. For example, how should she deal with the birth father? How much should he be involved in your kid's life? When is it ok to date again, and whom do you decide to date? Please tell me your story of your relationship with men as a single mom.

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17 comments on “Help! I'm A Single Mom!”

  1. I think it's easier to accept your life is not your own, and to give up what you thought life would be than it is to feel comfortable in the isolation that single parenting brings, not just in terms of partners but friendships. I have been separated 5 years, divorced almost 4, I have 5 kids, ages 5-17... the span of developmental ages is a struggle, going it alone is a struggle, having friends pull back because your time is limiting is isolating. Most of my friends are stay at home moms, they gather while I'm at work, or in free time I'm struggling to keep up with my house work and property. There is not a moment to oneself or to socialize. I sometimes do find myself jealous of those whose husbands watch their kids do they can have so self care time, or even those who have family that provide some down time. My ex is unreliable with this, the kids have stayed with him once the past couple years. I tried dating, also not something I have time for, not comfortable for my children. I do feel at times my individual is lost. I work a full time job as a school nurse and part time jobs as a consultant and adjunct. I just finished my Masters, constantly working for a better life. I'm exhausted, I get little financial support and have discovered a whole new level of stress with parenting teens.
    I don't know what the solution is, I know only that the feeling of isolation is the hardest piece for me. I do try to take comfort in God, and sometimes do better than others. But I know too the toll it takes in isolation and not feeling myself is that my kids don't get the best version if me, rather sometimes the worst of who I am.

  2. Maybe you could try setting some healthy boundaries. Your children watch to see how you handle it. They can learn a lot about standing up for their needs as you stand up for yours. We are here to encourage you and help you brainstorm ways to deal with him. Please chat with a HopeCoach anytime - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ We are here 24/7

  3. I am a single mom struggling with stress and anxiety. I am raising 2 children and want to provide them with a stable, happy home. I am not happy myself and I don't want that to come across to them.
    My ex, their dad is a major source of my stress and anxiety. He is verbal and mentality abusive and as much as I try to ignore him it is draining me. Shortly after the divorce, I decided I wanted my children to have a good relationship with their dad. I never said a word to them about the ugly truth. I would convince them to spend time with him, negotiating with them as they hid in their room telling me they didn't want to be with him.
    As my kids get older they are realizing and experiencing all the, for lack of a better word, CRAP, about their dad that I dealt. He is an addict who by the grace of GOD is able to hold a job. I have witnessed his irratic behavior and nasty side that he is able to hide from friends and co-workers.
    I'm tired and know my children and I deserve so much better. He lives only a few minutes from us and will show up unexpected and walk in to my house like he lives here. I don't say anything because I prefer my kids be in my home with him then go with him. I just wish I didn't have to deal with him in any way, shape or form.
    I know I need to be strong for my children. Trying to handle the anxiety I feel when they are with him....are they safe? Is he being a good father?
    It scares me....

  4. Dear Blanca, please don't give up hoping. I went through a season where I prayed every day for God to make a way for me to be with my children and God made a way. Sometimes I was discouraged and felt hopeless and couldn't pray, but others prayed for me. Our HopeCoaches are available 24/7 to encourage, listen, and pray. Also, we have a partner website where you can request prayer - https://www.theprayerzone.com/ Lifting up a prayer for you today, precious momma.

  5. I'm a single mom with one beautiful daughter. She is 9 years old. She is my love, she is my world, but I'm tired. I guess I'm tired emotionally -I'll say always struggling with having to solve problems, planning for the future. Tired of being alone. I have been divorced for 3 years now and I was married for 10 years. My daughter is doing much better than I'm doing. I guess my problem is with having to work full time and having to leave her after school with a friend or family. I feel I'm not being the mom that she needs and I'm not concentrating in work either. I can't find balance.
    Sometimes I feel mad, very mad... why I and my daughter have to go through this, why this has to happen to me when I see other women not being faithful to their husbands. Why God allowed me to make a huge mistake marrying this man.
    Also, and I guess the worst, my feelings toward the future. I can't see a better future, I feel like my struggle will continue forever and I won't never be happy. I have asked God to change my life a lot of times, but I can't see or feel anything. How can I trust or feel that this will change. I need to feel that I'll have a better future. I know God is in control, I believe in everything the bible says, I do believe that He loves me and have better plans for me. The problem is that I don't feel it lie that, I don't understand why he doesn't change the situation or what do I need to do to change it. I'm disappoint at life. I don't even have a dream, illusion or goal.... and worst... I think the problem is that I have been so disappoint at so many thing that I can't feel that something will happen for good.

    1. Nothing was a mistake. You have a beautiful daughter. I too felt all these things that you are mentioning. I asked myself how could this happen to me. I am single father of two boys, 5 and 7 years of age. I do not know exactly what the future holds but we can't give up no matter what. You are not alone. There are many of us just like you, trying to find the path to happiness.. It is even more difficult when you are alone and feel alone. I know exactly what you are going through.

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