This is the year to detox from porn in your life, whether it's your personal struggle or something that is plaguing your family or relationships. And here's why:
While porn might make you feel like you have sexual prowess, it is actually sapping you of your natural sexual desires and abilities. Porn-induced sexual dysfunction and diminished libido with a real-life partner (as opposed to pixels on a screen) are both rising phenomena among regular porn users. And no, this is not limited to older men. Young and old, male and female, can all have variations of these undesired effects.
Like other addictive substances, pornography floods the brain with dopamine. This rush of chemicals over time can re-wire the pathways in your brain to increase your appetite for, and eventually dependence on, porn. Now you might be thinking Sure, I watch porn sometimes, but it's not like I'm addicted. Well, unfortunately, even moderate porn use is linked to damage in areas of the brain involved in motivation and decision-making. Not exactly what you'd want to sign up for.
#PornKillsLove. Pornography feeds unrealistic, and highly selfish, expectations about sex and intimacy. Who needs a partner with their own needs and boundaries and feelings, when there are millions of videos you could watch that say yes to your every desire, whim, and fetish? Research has found that women whose husbands or boyfriends look at pornography frequently are less happy in their relationships than women whose male partners do not view it at all. Further, one study found that higher rates of pornography use were negatively associated with enjoying sex with their real partner, because it cannot live up to the fantasy on the screen. Porn not only breeds insecurity, selfishness, and a lack of trust, but it also actually decreases your ability to enjoy your partner.
Not everyone who is performing in porn videos is a willing participant. Many performers in porn would meet the definition of a sex trafficking victim. Fraud, deception, threat or use of force, coercion, and abuse of power or vulnerability frequently takes place during filming on porn sets. In addition to this, many sex traffickers intentionally make porn of their victims in order to diversify their profits and to advertise. Do you really want to risk the fact that you could be watching the sexual abuse of a sex trafficking victim for pleasure? One of the best ways you can take action against sex trafficking right now is to refuse to feed the porn industry through views or purchases.
None of our actions are in a vacuum. While most people think watching porn is a private act, there are actually many ways that it has broader social implications. Watching pornography, even the free videos, perpetuates the porn industry and the sex trafficking that occurs within it. In addition to this, pornography use is linked to increases in acceptance of sexual violence. Research shows that adult exposure to pornographic media is associated with believing a rape victim enjoys rape, increased acceptance of violence against women, and increased likelihood of sexually abusing children. While not every porn user is going to abuse someone, by watching pornography this culture of sexual harm is sustained and promoted.
Leaving pornography behind does not have to be a failed resolution this year. Countless of individuals, male and female, have recovered from porn use and its negative effects.
Nobody is alone in this journey. There are several resources on the National Center on Sexual Exploitation's website which can help those who are struggling with pornography, those who have a partner or spouse who struggles with pornography, and even parents who want to protect their children from pornography. All of the tools necessary are available to make this the best year yet to go porn free.
Haley Halverson is the Director of Communications for the National Center on Sexual Exploitation. The National Center on Sexual Exploitation is the leading national organization opposing pornography by highlighting the links to sex trafficking, violence against women, child abuse, addiction and more. Find out more and be part of the movement: To Defend Dignity.
At some point in time, many people have thought about ending their life. If you too have had these thoughts, you are not alone. There is hope for those that are having suicidal thoughts. Just like there was for Sarah, Gavin and Sara who share their stories below.
I have been dealing with depression for eleven years, my sister had passed away and after that my life changed completely. I was abused by my father, then my parents were divorced, afterwards my mom found a really cool guy and he became my step-dad. I loved him, until he started putting me down, shoving me out of the house, getting so close to me when he yelled he would spit on me. Then my Aunt passed away and I found out the day my sister passed away. She committed suicide. Then on my Aunt's birthday my grandmother died, of old age. I have been bullied at school to the point where I'm afraid to be myself and talk to anyone because of fear of being laughed at. I've had several classroom incidents, and I was rendered helpless, the teacher was mad. I have a really bad life here. And I have attempted suicide three times already. My HopeCoach talked to me and listened to me, after I had been so scared to talk. I am so glad because I had my pistol ready, thank you so much!
-Sarah
I felt very low and I felt like ending it. I just wanted to say a big thank you to a HopeCoach today because I was in a bad way and he understood. He gave me some good resources and guidance that should hopefully help me in the future. Bless TheHopeLine! Hope is Here!
-Gavin
I had been looking for something that would help me change my mind. I tried other sites, apps....you name it! I stumbled onto TheHopeLine.com in my search and gave them a shot. I'm extremely glad I did. I spoke with a HopeCoach who not only talked me down, but actually understood and had personal experiences feeling the way I've been feeling. They talked with me and helped me to see I'm worth a shot too!
-Sara
You Are Loved.
You Are Brave.
You Are Valuable.
You Can Do This.
You too can talk with a HopeCoach from our Get Help Page. If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.
If you are having suicidal thoughts or if you know someone who is considering suicide, check out TheHopeLine's eBook: Understanding Suicide.
I came across this site by accident but I'm so glad that I did. I have been in a bad place for a while and when I found TheHopeLine.com I was feeling completely overwhelmed. I had no one to talk to because not a lot of people knew what was going on in my life. I spoke about the issues I was having for the first time in four years. I had never been able to do that before.
I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and it gave me the boost I needed to feel hopeful again.
-Lily
Related Posts:
Megan's Struggle With Anxiety Disorder
How To Find Sanity In An Insane World
Mental Illness Is Not Mental Weakness
If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed and dealing with anxiety. TheHopeLine's free eBook can help you to understand the causes of anxiety and how to deal with it all.
TheHopeLine has partnered again with Vlogsters, to bring you this video. Vlogsters is a group of millennials sharing hope through their videos. This is a great video for those that are struggling, or even those just in the mundanes of every day life...going to school, studying, working, living, breathing...a reminder that not every day of life is going to be a wild ride. It's about the journey, the small, quiet moments and not just the destination. Vlogster Adrian Nuno shared: "My hope is that it is a thought-provoking video and it can inspire others to keep on going through the hard days."
When you are young, you are given the impression that every day of your life needs to be a day of countless adventures. From movies to books to commercials, you are given the impression that life should be a wild ride. And sometimes, it is. But in so many other ways, that isn't the case.
Related Posts:
How To Follow Your Dreams
How Katie Made A difference In Uganda
School Assignment Changed Veronica's Life
For most of us, that idea of a wild life is getting up early in the morning to go to a job, or to a class that you can't wait for to end. For some of us, that idea of a wild life is staying up late at night, pondering about who we are and what we are. Some nights, those thoughts can enchant us. But other nights, those thoughts can haunt us. Haunt us that we aren't doing enough, or that we aren't living the life that we should be living. That's life.
Yes, we might be young. But for some of us, we just aren't living that wild and crazy lifestyle of adventures. Because that's not what real life is. In reality, you need to wonder what your next meal might be, or what your plans for the weekend will be that doesn't end with you going broke.
And we dream, or at least I do. I dream of hopefully making a name for myself one day. I dream that one day, I will be able to look at my troubles and say that they were well worth it. I dream that one day, I can truly be living what I dream of doing: entertaining others. Whether that be making movies, hosting a talk show or hosting the Oscars. If it were all three, that'd be pretty awesome.
But let's not get too bogged down in that. Hopefully, it will happen someday. But for now, it remains a dream.
For me, it is what keeps me going. It is what makes every late night doing homework or every hectic week worth it. Because I know it will hopefully lead me down the path to do something great. For now, I don't let my hectic work schedule and classes and homework stop me from doing what I love. I still edit movies, I still edit videos and I still film videos. For now, it just remains a passionate hobby. Hopefully though, it will soon be a passionate way of making a living.
People who won't take the simple way out for an answer. Because as someone once said, it is those who think that they can change the world that are the ones who do. Because they had the audacity to do what others wouldn't even think of.
Life is like a car driving down an empty road sometimes. You just keep going and going, even if you may not know where you are headed. And along the way, you see moments of utter beauty that just take your breath away. That's the key though, you just need to keep on going, because you'll never know what you'll end up discovering. Life is full of surprises. Some of them will be pleasant, others not so much. But what's important is that you keep on going. Because who knows?
Tomorrow, you just might win the lottery, or run into the star of your dreams, or meet that special someone who loves you for who you are. Maybe your class might get cancelled and you'll get to hop back in your bed for another hour. Or maybe, you just might get that big deal that will make your dreams come true. But you'll never know unless you try, unless you try to live life. So that's all I ask. That's it. Two simple words.
Live. Life.
-Adrian Nuno
Are you struggling with a hard day? Do you have a way of getting through the hard times or the mundane times? We would love for you to comment below and share how you live life on the hard days.
You might also want to check out Dawson's blog: How to Follow Your Dreams.
And check out one of Vlogster's other videos, a powerful slam poem, inspired by a girl who died by suicide: All Too Soon.
There's an old Nike slogan that said, "Life is Short, Play Hard." They should've written, Life can be small, dream big! Life is too short to not really live it to its full potential. That's why you'll often hear me say to callers on my radio show, follow the dream. Life with a dream can be filled with adventure, meaning, and purpose.
In a moment I'll talk about steps to take to fulfilling your dream as well as dream-killers to be aware of, but first...what is your dream?
James wrote to me: "I'd love to go after my dreams. I just don't know what they are."
Most people who don't figure out what they want to do, end up doing what other people tell them to do, or they just settle for what's safe and comfortable.
Think about what it is that moves you. What seems to be a right fit for you? What can't you stop thinking about? If you could push a magic button and have your greatest dreams fulfilled, what would they be?
Following your dream gives your life focus and purpose. The dream can be anything you want it to be. Your dream could be becoming a waitress, working at a bank, being an artist, teacher, lawyer, writer or maybe even becoming the President of the United States. Or maybe your dream isn't centered around a job, but maybe you want to figure out how to travel more, how to cook amazing food, how to help meet a need in your community or the world. Whatever it is, if it is meaningful to you, and not harmful to yourself or others, go ahead and pursue it!
Ask anybody what is it that they'd really like to do, and most people will have an answer. But, unfortunately, in many cases, it's something other than what they're doing. So how can you get started pursuing your dreams?
1. Catch a clear vision of where you want to go. Take time to define for yourself exactly where you want your dream to take you.
2. Find people who are doing what you want to do and talk to them. Ask them what it took for them to get there. Ask some of these people to help you on your own personal journey. Perhaps they can mentor you on your journey.
3. Figure out the steps it's going to take to get there. Don't look for a simple, quick path. This is a journey you're deciding to undertake. You're going to need a lot of help, and a lot of patience, and it's going to take time. Paul wrote: "Sometimes I really hate practicing my guitar. I want to be a good guitar player, a really good one. I wish I was just automatically good. The best I can do now is to do what I can and keep working at it. I'm better now than I ever was. The only way that would change would be if I stopped practicing altogether."
4. Set large and small goals and track your progress to keep you motivated. Do something little each day. Don't wait for big blocks of time when you can really dig into something serious. The more frequently you work at your goals, the more energized and encouraged you'll be. Set short-term goals and track your progress. This will help you maintain focus on your dream. Trust me, if you don't stay focused, you'll be distracted and get busy doing all kinds of other things. Here's what Julie said to herself to stay motivated: I say to myself things like "I can" and "I will," instead of I can't" or "I won't."
5. Be prepared for setbacks. Anyone who has ever gone after their dream has experienced the pain and disappointment of rejection and failure along the way. These setbacks don't have to stop you from continuing toward your goal. Be prepared to find a different route if the one you were counting on turns into a dead end. In fact, you haven't failed until you actually quit trying. So don't let setbacks destroy your dream, but rather let them motivate you to try even harder. Bri wrote: "Whenever I hit a road bump I can choose to be depressed and just give up, or I can take it for what it is, learn from it, and move forward. Knowing that everyone fails sometimes actually helps."
6. Find a way to use your dream to help other people. If the dream is only for you, it will be easy to lose motivation and give up. If you can catch a vision for how you will be able to help and encourage other people, you will find it easier to stay on track. Wherever you are, and whatever you do can be an opportunity to help bring life to every stranger you meet. And that's a dream all of us should pursue.
Just remember, your dream isn't going to happen just because you want it to. I always say, "If it was easy, everyone would be doing it." That's why you need to make going after your dream a priority in your life.
Once you're committed to pursuing your dreams, it's important to know, and resist, the most common dream-killers.
There are always going to be many opportunities for you to give up. But it's up to you whether or not you do. Just remember, as long as you are heading in the right direction, you are being successful. It's going to take a lot of work and persistence. Nobody ever achieved his or her dreams just by wishing. You have to work at it.
Have you heard people say the joy is in the journey? That is absolutely correct. If you're miserable along the way, only thinking you'll be happy once you reach your goal, you're probably going to be miserable once you get there, as well.
God desires for you to follow your dreams. He created you with a purpose and gave you your unique talents and abilities to achieve that purpose. In fact, God plants desires in your heart.
"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this." Psalm 37:4-5
Pray to God and ask Him to help you on your journey towards your dream. Ask Him to help you see how your dream can fall in line with His dream for you and how it can bring Him honor.
