Maybe when you first fell in love you did not know the military life would be in your future, but here you are anyway. Either you or your bf-gf is enlisted, and it is really hard on your relationship right now. If you are looking for some specific ways to survive military deployment read this blog
Ashley wrote: "The military life is a hard one, but if you love someone enough then it's not hard to be faithful. Many people just assume that the military is full of cheaters or that the spouses back home are unfaithful! I can name PLENTY of faithful couples that are military. It takes a special kind of person to be a solider and a special kind of person to be a military spouse."
We get a lot of calls from people who are in a relationship with someone in the military, so I've asked Captain Mike Jones to join me on these next few blog posts. Mike is a former US Army Captain with two tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was also the co-founder of "Not Alone," which was founded to empower military families and give soldiers, veterans and those who love them a central resource for free, confidential information, support and access to healthcare professionals." ("Not Alone" is now a part of "Centerstone Military Services")
Dawson: Many of the calls we get are from spouses and girlfriends (boyfriends too) with concerns about how the military is going to affect their relationships. Some are afraid of the unknown as much as anything else.
Mike: Fear of the unknown is very common. The military is like an alternate universe existing right in middle of normal America. They have their own cultural, values, and ways of doing things. They even have their own private language. AGR stands for Active Guard and Reserve, AIG stands for Address Indicator Group, and ASOC is the Air Support Operations Center. There are 690 other acronyms, and that's just the A's. Then there is all the unofficial terminology (military slang). Also, the way things are done at first can seem bizarre and without common sense. But trust me, everything (and I mean everything) is the way it is for a reason. One part of that fear spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends feel is that the ones they love are entering a world so different from their own, and they're not sure how they will continue to relate to one another. Two people in two very different worlds. Will they still have enough common ground?
Dawson: I guess the strength and the depth of that common ground has a lot to do with the impact of military life on a relationship.
Mike: Absolutely. Not all the stories are not horror stories. Some of the greatest marriages and greatest families that I know of are those of military personnel. But I will also say that the military, particularly the deployments and the stress of combat, will reveal what's really there. If two people have a solid foundation of love, trust, and faith, then military service with all its difficulties can make it stronger. If those things are weak or superficial, it will reveal that too.
Dawson: Sometimes the concerns of our callers are not about what they don't know but what they do know the things they have suddenly come to realize. It's not unusual for some to throw in the comment: I didn't sign up for this!
Mike: I've heard that same comment many times. Military service can be extremely demanding on a soldier's time and emotional focus. The first and foremost concerned of the military is the mission. It's not that the command structure unconcerned about anything else, but the mission comes first. Marissa Boote, a paralegal whose husband joined the Army, said that same thing when she realized how much the Army would control their lives, I didn't sign up for this!
Dawson: It seems that military service is something both people in a relationship need to sign up for emotionally.
Mike: It only takes one to sign on the dotted line, but you're right. Everyone in a military family serves and sacrifices in their own way. It would be wrong to assume that one person could do their thing in the military, while the other continues to do their thing in the civilian world unaffected. So, yes, the solider and spouse need to sign up together to serve their country. That is a part of the foundation that is going to enable their relationship to survive and thrive.
Dawson: So, what do you see as the upside to joining the military?
Mike: There are lot of benefits recruiters will tell you about such as college tuition, seeing the world... that kind of stuff. For me the most important things are personal. It makes you a better person. It brings out the best in you. The very best part is the camaraderie. You become part of a family of men and women who pay a high price to serve and who would give their lives for one another. Those kinds of relationships in that kind of setting will definitely change you.
Dawson: The way you describe being part of (another) family might seem a little threatening to a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend. One goes off to the greatest experience of their lives and they build these deep relationships apart from his/her spouse. That's what many are afraid of, heading off in different directions.
Mike: Yes, but is doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Spouses enter that new world of relationships and camaraderie as well. Like I said, both sign up, one as a soldier and the other as a military spouse. If two people can embrace the difficulties, dangers, and crazy lifestyle of serving their country in the military, their relationship can grow, and both be better for it. Those who have done so would not have it any other way.
For more help, please visit our partner resource, Centerstone Military Services.
For additional support for PTSD check out our topic page for resources and more!
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
Anger is a very powerful emotion that can take over your life if you let it, but you don't have to let it control you. Most people who feel angry just don't have any idea how to deal with it. All of us at one time or another comes up against anger. I asked those that listen to my show to share their experiences with anger and I received a huge response.
McKaela commented: When I finally snap, I just scream and throw things around. It may sound childish but it's my only way to vent without hurting the ones I love.
And sometimes we even turn to addictive substances to numb our intense feelings. Sara wrote: When I get angry I tend to lash out and drink at home.
Drizz wrote: I get angry at almost everything, to the point where I want to hurt someone badly (mainly the person that brought my anger out). In fact, anger is the only real emotion that I feel.
Drizz, McKaela and Sara have each come to the point where anger has become the controlling force in their lives. In the midst of rage, it's hard to believe you have any choice in the matter.
This is how Monica feels. She said: I get angry very often. And quite frankly I don't know how to deal with my anger. I bottle it up inside and every so often it all comes out, usually on a family member. I yell and hit. I try not to, I honestly do, but rage just beats the fact that I love them. So I lash out.
Lashing out might seem like the only option. The truth is you do have the option to not let anger take over. So what is a better way to deal with your anger? How can you stay calm when you feel like blowing up, raging, or acting out?
Identify what makes you angry and turn away, before the anger takes over.
Kyle wrote: I know how easily I get angry and so I can usually tell when things are going to get too bad, so I usually just get out of the situation beforehand. Kyle's on to something here. Here is aware of his own emotions and what triggers the intense anger. He is choosing to turn away before his anger hurts him and those around him.
Call up a friend and ask for help. Talk to someone you trust about these intense feelings of anger, what triggers it and what you can do about it. Talking things out with a friend who cares will really help. Anna wrote: When I'm angry it helps when I have a conversation with others and they tell me about their problems and issues, so it calms me down and lets me realize everyone makes mistakes and they too deal with anger everyday.
Don't just sit around and think about how angry you feel. That usually makes matters worse. Change your environment. Come up with something productive you can do when you feel angry. Haley wrote: When I get mad I clean, sing, or write.
Logan wrote: The best thing in my opinion is working out - it's a good way to channel your anger into something productive.
Kaley wrote: I go running, with really loud music.
Linda wrote: Riding my horse and caring for my horses keeps me centered and balanced. I am a much better person because of them.
Sarah wrote: I take a walk in the woods with my dogs and take pics with my cam - helps me every time.
Brenda wrote: I read, listen to music, and journal my feelings out, I trust God's help to get me thru things and handle my emotions better.
Emily wrote: I breathe and count to five and use my words instead of my fists. Superior intelligence beats superior strength any day.
Kaitie wrote: I write music with lyrics on how I'm feeling at that moment. I also talk to friends or meditate.
Hanani wrote: First, I pray about it. Second, I dance. Being a dancer, that's one of the ways I best express myself. Third, I don't dwell on the issue. I do things to help myself calm down so that when I have to think about the issue, I don't blow up anymore.
Cory wrote: I love to dance when I'm mad, or listen to music, and most the time when I am mad, I love to write about it, in poems or in a journal.
Dance, run, turn up the music, journal, or meditate. You can beat the anger and you will feel better, much better.
If you have accepted Jesus' gift of salvation, you have been saved by grace! But what exactly does that mean?
Being saved by grace means that we have received a gift from God that we do not deserve. God gives us his favor, his love, his son...despite the fact that we have done nothing to earn it.
God sent his son to pay for our sins through his death on a cross…EVEN though we are sinners who have done nothing for God. God freely gives GRACE to us out of His love for us.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
And now that we have received His Grace – we are made right with God. We can have a relationship with him. And we can look forward to eternal life in heaven with him.
Sometimes people refer to this acronym for Grace:
God’s
Riches
At
Christ’s
Expense
We are the recipients of all the goodness of God through Christ's death.
This amazing grace has been sung about for centuries by millions of people.
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.
God knows we are sinners. He knows we mess up. He wants us to live obedient lives but knows that we will never be able to do that on our own. Even so, He still wants a relationship with us.
So, Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life, and died a sacrificial death on a cross. All we need to do is believe that is the truth and confess it and we will be “washed clean” by Jesus’ blood. When God, the Father, looks at anyone who believes in Jesus, His son, He sees them as forgiven and pure, and they can be in relationship with Him.
Picture this: You are standing before a judge who has a huge list of all the crimes you have committed that are punishable by death. However, there is someone in the crowd who promises to take your punishment of death, and you will be given their clean slate. That results in getting something you don’t deserve. And that is what Jesus did for you. But just as you would need to
ACCEPT the clean slate in court which you didn’t earn, you need to believe in and receive this same gift from Jesus.
Accepting God's gift of grace is the best decision you can ever make!
One more song for you today. It's all about the beautiful name of Jesus because he made a way for us to be in relationship with God. As the song says:
You didn't want heaven without us
So, Jesus, You brought heaven down
My sin was great, Your love was greater
What could separate us now.
Be encouraged by these Verses of Hope for Salvation. And if you are a new believer, please check out the resources found here - For the New Believer.
I Am Accepted I am a child of God. (John 1:12)
I am Jesus’ chosen friend. (John 15:15)
I am holy and acceptable to God (justified). (Rom. 5:1)
I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him. (1 Cor. 3:16)
I have been bought with a price. I belong to God. (1 Cor. 6:19, 20)
I am a part of Christ’s Body, part of His family. (1 Cor. 12:27)
I am a saint, a holy one. (Eph. 1:1)
I have been adopted as God’s child. (Eph. 1:5)
I have been bought back (redeemed) and forgiven of all my sins. (Col. 1:14)
I am complete in Christ. (Col. 2:10)
I Am Secure I am forever free from punishment. (Rom. 8:1- 2)
I am certain all things work together for good. (Rom. 8:28)
I am free from any condemning charges against me. (Rom. 8:31f)
I cannot be separated from the love of God. (Rom. 8:35f)
I am hidden with Christ in God. (Col. 3:3)
I am certain that God will finish the good work he has begun in me. (Phil 1:6)
I am a citizen of heaven, along with the rest of God’s family. (Eph. 2:19)
I can find grace and mercy in times of need. (Heb. 4:16)
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me. (1 John 5:18)
I Am Significant I am salt and light to those around me. (Matt. 5:13,14)
I am part of the true vine, joined to Christ and able to produce much fruit. (John 15:1,5)
I am hand-picked by Jesus to bear fruit. (John 15:16)
I am a Spirit-empowered witness of Christ. (Acts 1:8)
I am a temple of God and the Holy Spirit lives in me. (1 Cor. 3:16; 6:19)
I am at peace with God, and He has called me to tell others that they can also have peace with God. (2 Cor. 5:17)
I am God’s co-worker. (2 Cor. 6:1)
I am seated with Christ in heaven. (Eph. 2:6)
I am able to do all things through Christ who gives me strength! (Phil. 4:13)
More Verses of Hope.
You may not have been aware of the following. However, before becoming Christians, the Bible describes us as:
From the moment we receive Christ into our lives, we have a new relationship with God, and a new life. Here is how the Bible describes us now that we have Christ in our life. We are:
Jesus said, “…whoever comes to me I will never drive away” (John 6:37). He describes that further saying, “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one” (John 10:28-30). He holds us securely.
Further we can be “confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).
Jesus fully paid for our sins and once we thank Him for that, receive Him into our lives, desiring for our lives to be His, He makes us His child, giving us full forgiveness and acceptance with Him.
This relationship is protected, not by what we do, but because of God’s character and Jesus’ death on our behalf. Jesus purchased our relationship with Him, canceling the penalty of sin that stood between us and God. And so we become His child, forgiven, indwelt by Him, declared righteous in His eyes, because Jesus covers our sin. Unfortunately, we still will sin. We still will find ourselves choosing to do things our way instead of God’s way. But this does not change the security of our relationship with Christ. We stand secure in this relationship, because of what God says about it. “Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us” (Romans 5:1).
Salvation through Jesus is purely God’s gift, received once by faith. At that moment we have begun a relationship with God that lasts eternally. Our relationship with Christ does not hinge on personal holiness, or levels of faith, or sacrifices, or good works or religious acts. God doesn’t intend for our focus to be on our performance. He desires our focus to be on Jesus.
Unlike other relationships we have in this world, our relationship with God is secure because He brought us into this relationship in the first place, and He is faithful to keep us unto eternal life. 1 Corinthians 1:9 says, “God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”
This Guest Post comes from StartingwithGod.com, a safe place to explore your new relationship with God and ask questions about your new faith. The above article was originally published here. 
Did you receive Christ into your life according to His promise in Revelation 3:20? "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me."
Knowing Jesus Christ is the most exciting relationship you can have. It is the beginning of a life of adventure with an all-loving, all-powerful God. If you have asked Christ to come into your life, you can be sure that your relationship with God is secure. As a result of Christ's death on the cross, you have been completely forgiven and accepted by Him. There are many exciting things that are true in your relationship with Christ. Understanding these truths will help you build a firm foundation on which to grow.
1. Feelings can be unreliable
You might have expectations about how you should feel after placing your trust in Christ. While feelings are important, they are unreliable indicators of your sincerity or the trustworthiness of God's promise. Our feelings change easily, but God's Word and His character remain constant. This illustration shows the relationship between fact (God and His Word), faith (our trust in God and His Word) and our feelings.
The moment you received Christ by faith, as an act of your will, many things happened, including the following:
2. Dealing with doubts
Even though feelings are important, your relationship with Christ is based on facts, not on feelings that can change daily. Doubts, questions and varying emotions are common parts of everyone's life, but they are very unreliable gauges of anyone's relationship with Christ. The Christian lives by faith in the trustworthiness of God and His Word.
But what if you don't feel like a Christian tomorrow? Place your faith in the faithfulness of God Himself and the trustworthiness of His Word. The more you learn, the more you will be able to answer any doubts with solid facts. Your feelings will begin to respond to the truth of God's Word and not to your circumstances.
Since you have trusted in Christ's payment for your sin, understood the basis of your relationship with God and have learned five truths about your relationship, you can be confident in your relationship with Christ.
If you would like to talk through what you have learned, you can journey with a mentor and receive prayer.
This article is an adaptation by The Life Project of Dr. Bill Bright's material on Knowing Jesus Personally. It was originally posted here.
Did you know that violence in teen dating affects 1 in 3 adolescents in the U.S.? This is NOT okay. It's important to be aware of these 8 signs of an unhealthy relationship?
I ask myself – how can this be that one in three teens is being violated physically, sexually or emotionally in a dating relationship?
I think there are a number of reasons why. Often the abuser in the relationship starts off being very smooth and charming and the other person is taken in by this.
I describe this behavior in my call with Nicole. Take a listen:
Other times the abused partner suffers from low self-esteem and convinces themselves that they are in love.
However, I wonder if most of the time teens and young adults simply don’t know how to recognize abuse. Perhaps some are willing to accept behaviors from their boyfriend/girlfriend that are NOT acceptable simply because they don’t know things can be different.
Maybe you have been there. It’s your first dating relationship. You’ve never really been “in love” before, so you think your bf/gf's behavior is normal. Or you’re willing to make excuses for them because you like being “in love.” Or you think you can change them. I understand how this can happen, so I want to help you recognize abuse before it's too late.
The truth of the matter is that people with abusive tendencies don't change too quickly, and you deserve SO much better and better is available.
I have talked to many teens who regret things they’ve done in relationships simply because they didn’t know any better.
Listen to this call from Jared whose girlfriend helped him realize his overly jealous actions were abusive.
For a complete relationship spectrum from healthy to unhealthy to abusive relationships check out this Relationships Spectrum from our friends at TheHotLine.org.
If you feel you might be in a dating relationship that is abusive, but you just aren’t sure, feel free to leave a comment below or chat with one of our HopeCoaches on TheHopeLine.
And remember there is always HOPE. You are not alone. You can escape abusive relationships and heal from them.
There are people who will help you and God is on your side.
Once you become a Christian there is a shift within you. You are born-again! You accepted Jesus, His love and His great sacrifice for you and now you want to live for Jesus! Are you wondering, "What now? How will my life change now that I'm a Christian?"
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
When you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, the gift of Holy Spirit is given you. You now have God’s power living in you. The Holy Spirit helps you have faith and compassion. It convicts you of right and wrong and gives you the power to resist temptation and make choices to glorify God.
This doesn’t mean you are never tempted to do wrong or that you will never sin again. You can choose to ignore the power of the Holy Spirit in you. But as you continue to pray to God, spend time in His Word, and spend time with other Christians…as you turn your heart TOWARDS God, the more you will fully desire to serve and please God with your life.
As you do this, you will be filled with such joy and peace. Your heart will be overwhelmed by what God has done for you and you will desire to put off your old, bad, self-serving habits and start living for Jesus. You will understand that your old ways can’t fulfill you the way Jesus can.
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
As the Holy Spirit lives in you and you walk with God, you will receive the fruit of the Spirit. You will exhibit these traits:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22
1. First – You can rest assured in God’s unconditional love
You no longer need to prove yourself or feel unworthy. God loves you and He is FOR you! You find your identity in who God says you are. “This I KNOW: God is for me.” Psalm 56:9
2. You have unexplainable peace
Even when things are tough in life (and they still might be) you believe that since God is for you, He is never going to abandoned you and he is working all things out for your good, even if you don’t understand it all. You trust God and know that HE IS GOOD. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
3. You belong
You are a member of the family of God. You are welcome here. There is great joy in finding other Christians to be in community with. “See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1
4. Your future is secure!
You are going to heaven! Don’t be fooled…heaven and hell are real. And as a Christian you have the security that you are going to heaven to live with God eternally. And quite frankly, heaven’s going to rock!! What a great thing to look forward to!
Jesus said: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:1-3
God has done so much for us. So how do we live in grateful response for all he has done? You live according to His word and you glorify God with all you say and do.
In the Bible you will find many instructions for living. God left us these instructions for a few reasons:
Did you notice that “To earn our salvation,” is NOT one of the reasons. We have been saved by grace. However, grace is not opposed to our EFFORT to live a life worthy of God's gift, it is just opposed to EARNING the gift.
The 10 Commandments are found in the Bible and they are often called God’s Law.
The first four Commandments show us how to love God and the last 6 show us how to love others. Here they are:
Some people think that God's Laws are restrictive. They don’t want anyone telling them how to live. But God’s laws are actually an act of love…put in place protect us. Take commandment #7, for example, “Do not commit adultery.” God desires to preserve marriages and save us from the pain that cheating can cause. Or commandment #9 – which said another way says, “Do not lie.” God knows that lying hurts you and almost ALWAYS comes back to haunt the liar. You get the picture - God wants the best for you.
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’" Matthew 22:37-39
In the Bible God also tells us to do the following:
Go out into this big beautiful world with joy in your heart and Love God and Love Others.
You Belong in this Family! The moment you are saved you are welcomed into the family of God called the Church. Here are some tips on how to find a church.
