Dawson’s Blog

Is There A Cure For Love Addiction?

Is There Help For Love Addiction?

I have been blogging about love addiction (articles) the last three weeks. I have learned so much about it and how it affects you, me, and just about everybody else. A love addict is relatively easy to spot within ourselves and in others.

For example, if you are a love addict, you no doubt obsessively and compulsively try to relieve or medicate the deep pain in your life through romantic relationships.

Once in a relationship, you feel you can’t live without the other person and you will do whatever you have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn’t work, you panic and will do whatever you have to do to get into a new relationship.


No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try

Just looking at this definition makes us think of how many people, including ourselves, in one way or another fit this description. Think of all the desperate, wounded people there are on the treadmill of what they think is love, and yet they can’t get off.

They’re searching for someone who will heal them and make them feel whole, but that person is not out there. No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try, but yet we keep on searching.
My mom used to say, It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.The only problem with love addiction is there isn’t even a needle to be found.

It’s one thing to know what love addiction is. It’s still another to break away from its chains. I received a very direct and candid comment from Sarah.

Dawson, do you really think it is possible to be cured? I’m not sure. Doesn’t the saying go, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic?’ So then, once a love addict, always a love addict?’ I’ve learned how to deal with the external stuff that stems from a love addiction, but the internal struggle is often pretty intense. I don’t think I am cured. I think I just learned to practice self-control in relation to the symptoms. The craving’ hasn’t just disappeared. How do you fix the inside stuff?(Sarah)
Yes Sarah, there are cures to love addiction. It won’t be easy, but the struggle and the journey to find healthy relationships and peace are well worth it. So let’s begin.

To Get Free of Love Addiction

To get free from love addiction, we must clearly understand how deeply the cravings for love penetrate our hearts. It’s what comes out of our hearts that affects everything else we do. There is no deeper emotional desire we have than to love and be loved.
King Solomon, whose been called the wisest man in the Bible, said,

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Emotionally, our hearts are extremely fragile and can be easily hurt, therefore sending us in the wrong direction of life. Our innermost being started out as a beautiful creation of God, but with wrong choices we can easily trash it and leave it sick and in great need.
Picture in your mind for a moment a beautiful white carpet (perfectly white). Then picture someone coming in to the room where the white carpet is, and throwing garbage, manure, and staining paint all over the carpet. The white carpet was never designed to be trashed like that. Something beautiful has become disfigured. That is a lot like our hearts. We, and other people, do not guard our hearts and therefore they become stained and damaged.

It is heartbreaking for me to see how many people simply throw their heart away allowing themselves to be repeatedly hurt while trying to soothe their heart. They go from one relationship to another to another to another on the treadmill of tragedy.
Before long, their whole life is ruined. there is more to life thanyour partner. To have them playing god is too much to ask. I know because I did the same and now [my boyfriend] has hurt me and left. This was going to happen anyway, my mother left me and I leaned too much on him causing the stress on his shoulders. I don’t blame him for leaving, but [what] he said hurt and I’ll never get over thatFor those who seek something more and personal need to find it within them selves. Address the problem and take time to heal. If you don’t, it could be worse and you could lose everything plus more(Tori) Tori is absolutely right. If you don’t guard your heart, you could end up losing what’s most important in life love.

So where does the healing for love addiction begin? It begins by admitting our hearts are priceless, and affect every area of our lives. We must make a commitment to protect our hearts and not just throw them away looking for love in people and places where love cannot be found. Let us all respect our own hearts.

Dawson McAllister Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years.
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  • Lost in love

    I believe I’m a love addict but don’t know what to do about it. I’m in this relationship that hurts but I can’t break free. The woman I’m involved with it’s compassionate or affectionate. Only when it’s time for sex does she open up to me. Most of the time its me begging for attention and I hate myself for appearing so weak and needy especially since I’m a guy. She’s started lieing about when she has to work and I think it’s because she gets tired of being around me and my unquenchable thurst for attention. I just don’t know what to do and it’s killing me.I honestly believe that if I were in my right mind I would have stayed broken up with her and moved on.But I can’t let go of the longing to have her in my life. I’m lieing in bed now beside her while she sleeps and even though she doesn’t feel good physically all I can think of is how to wake her up and get her to hold me and be kind

    • TheHopeLine Team

      Lost in love, Thanks for reaching out and telling your story. You are not alone in thinking you have a love addiction. We talk to many at TheHopeLine that share your issue. We would love to listen and help you through this. Please call or chat with a HopeCoach anytime 24/7 at 800.394.4673. If you want download our free app to your phone to chat, call, email and get encouraged here is the link to download it. http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp

  • Maddys_Mom

    I have been researching love addiction for the past few days. I have come to accept and realize that I am a raging love addict. Now in the stage of withdrawals, I have been struggling to recover from the loss of my relationship with my 4 month old daughter’s father. He left our relationship of 3 years 3 weeks after our child was born. The pain, self hate, desperation, and disfunction Ive been experiencing has been unreal. Up until now I chose to look at myself as the victim. How could he do this to me? I even resorted to rage and suicide attempts. Looking back on not only our relationship but every relationship in my past, I depended on him to create a sense of unwaivering security for me. He came with his own set of problems (fear of intimacy and anger) which initially made me feel as if he was my soul mate. In the beginning of our relationship we were bound by passion. But eventually reality set in for the both of us….however I was more willing to sacrifice myself in order to keep the relationship afloat. I was trapped. Not really happy because he couldn’t meet my expectations…but hell bent for finding and savoring the love I WAS getting. He even told me that he was tired of being my rock. My inability to see my addiction has driven me insane. I was verbally abusive in our relationship because of his inability to meet my expectations. He was no angel either, but understanding my role has left me with unspeakable remorse. I never wanted him to leave. I wanted to grow and evolve TOGETHER. These feelings of attatchment only increased after becoming pregnant with my daughter.The hurt and pain of rejection that I feel now plus every painful moment from my past has been magnified. As far back as I can remember I have used drugs, sex, and food to help me cope with the trauma of not being able to be somebody’s everything. I really care for my child’s father and hate that I put that much pressure on him. All I can think about is him being with someone else and it drives me insane. He has made it clear that he does not want to be with me and although I desperately want help with my addiction I also cannot help but to feel guilty. This has sent me into a great pit of depression. Love and finding it (or losing it) consumes my entire exsistence. I can’t help but to feel abandoned and unloveable. I want to fix it but don’t know where to start. HELP,

    • Marie

      Self discovery, self love is the answer, it is a long road but so worth it. With love, Marie

  • Danielle Gauthier

    Hey Danielle. I just replied to you but I think it disappeared…no, I have not found anything that has helped really. I’m still going to the 12 step program, reading the bible now, going to church now, and still praying. I’m still with my boyfriend and the relationship has improved a lot. I read the bible to him a lot now and he’s been receptive to it. He has changed a lot of his negative behaviors and we seem to be on a positive path now. We have been very happy lately. Does this mean I’m cured from love addiction? Absolutely not. I have to be honest with myself and say ok but if this for some reason doesn’t work out, will I be ok alone? The answer is probably not. As far as the depression…I let a lot of his behaviors last year cause me to be depressed. This year we decided to make a fresh start which included a decision I made to be happy and not depressed so I have been happy. I have a lot in my life to be happy about and thankful for so I’m just rollin’ with that while I continue my journey to be the best me I can be! If you ever wanna chat or need an ear, you can email me: dvdgauthier77@gmail.com. Good luck!

  • Kalhehdiz

    Luv iz a fntastic feelin. Just search the beautifll side of it. M still goin thrgh a lot of pain.Bt it dsnt mean m nt gonna make it. Jst let urslfs flow thrgh othrz. N see wat coms nxt. M sure ur not gonna rgret it…

  • Be calm, women and guys… honestly, what/whomever this person is, does not deserve you.

  • You are right, love addiction does not apply to everyone. Dawson has written some enlightening blogs on Father Hunger.

  • JW to Poly

    Hi, I am completely overwhelmed because I recently had a therapy session where my therapist suggested that I am a love addict. I realize my behavior to go in and out of relationships increased after I was kicked out ( disfellowshipped) from being a part of the Jehovah’s Witness religion. Everyone that I once knew as my closest family and friends had nothing to do with me because I chose to live my life differently. With that being said I constantly yearned for “true love” and to start a family of my own. Most of my 20s have been spent in unfulfilling relationships lasting no more than 9 months to 1 year only for me to jump right into another hoping for it to turn into marriage with kids, a house, etc etc… Now I am 31 years old and have found myself in love with a man who’s belief system centers around Polyfidelity (loving more than one, infinite love). People who practice Polyfidelity often enter into group marriages where everyone can have as many “lovers, wives, husbands” as they desire as long as its consensual, honest, and beneficial to the entire family. He is an amazing man and probably the most incredible love I’ve ever experienced BUT I am terrified at being a part of a poly family and what that will mean for me. I knowingly entered into this relationship with the understanding of what he wanted his family to be and now i feel guilty, depressed, anxious, angry, and afraid… In my heart I know that I want a monogamous marriage but the fear and anxiety of letting go seems greater and greater each day. This is certainly not the “norm” and I realize that my addiction to love may have lead me to this path. Our connection and love for each other is unreal but the way we view raising a family is the deal breaker. My biggest fear is that I’m ruining my life by wanting love and family of my own so bad… to the point that I ignore what I ultimately want in my heart. Has anyone else ignored such a HUGE red flag? Am I the only one? I’m open to any helpful suggestions from this blog. Thank you so much!

  • Rafik

    I really dont know if someone will read this now , but i think it is an opportunity for me to get this out of my system , i’ve been straggling with love addiction since my childhood , i’ve been always trying to find love , moving from one relationship to another . I’m 26 now and it became worse .. the girls i have meet leave once they realize that im super emotional and try to please them , i’ve lost many opportunities because of the intense pain of addiction , i’ve been hurt so many times because i had chosen partners just to fulfill a need for love … i even started to think about suicide .. im sorry for looking negative

  • You start by chatting with one of our HopeCoaches. We have lots of resources for you. https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/

  • Gala Bunter

    you have to change your bad opinion about yourself that is causing your depression ,you feel bad because your ego is feeling bad , its hard to change that but that is the spot in this situation ,,go for this ,you will have results .

  • Millii-mae

    Beautifully written Paul .. i feel you have written my love story.. I am in the same situation fighting to change how I connect in relationship. I am still so deeply in love with my ex and feel I will never find the depth of connection again yet I know our push me .. pull me dynamics is killing our hearts .. I just with to be brace enough to let go of the constant need to contact him

  • Vini

    I loved my FRIEND more than he needed.
    He said that he could be physical but couldn’t love.