How to Get Free From Love Addiction

Is There Help for Love Addiction?

I have written a few articles on love addiction, and I have learned so much about it and how it affects you, me, and just about everybody else. A love addict is relatively easy to spot within ourselves and in others.

For example, if you are a love addict, you no doubt obsessively and compulsively try to relieve or medicate the deep pain in your life through romantic relationships.

Once in a relationship, you feel you can't live without the other person, and you will do whatever you have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn't work, you panic and will do whatever you have to do to get into a new relationship.

No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try

Just looking at this definition makes us think of how many people, including ourselves, in one way or another fit this description. Think of all the desperate, wounded people there are on the treadmill of what they think is love, and yet they can't get off.

They're searching for someone who will heal them and make them feel whole, but that person is not out there. No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try, but yet we keep on searching.

My mom used to say, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. The only problem with love addiction is there isn't even a needle to be found.

It's one thing to know what love addiction is. It's still another to break away from its chains. I received a very direct and candid comment from Sarah.

Dawson, do you really think it is possible to be cured? I'm not sure. Doesn't the saying go, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic?' So then, once a love addict, always a love addict?' I've learned how to deal with the external stuff that stems from a love addiction, but the internal struggle is often pretty intense. I don't think I am cured. I think I just learned to practice self-control in relation to the symptoms. The craving' hasn't just disappeared. How do you fix the inside stuff? (Sarah)

Yes Sarah, there are cures to love addiction. It won't be easy, but the struggle and the journey to find healthy relationships and peace are well worth it. So, let's begin.

To Get Free of Love Addiction

To get free from love addiction, we must clearly understand how deeply the cravings for love penetrate our hearts. It's what comes out of our hearts that affects everything else we do. There is no deeper emotional desire we have than to love and be loved.
King Solomon, who's been called the wisest man in the Bible, said,

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Emotionally, our hearts are extremely fragile and can be easily hurt, therefore sending us in the wrong direction of life. Our innermost being started out as a beautiful creation of God, but with wrong choices we can easily trash it and leave it sick and in great need.

Picture in your mind for a moment a beautiful white carpet (perfectly white). Then picture someone coming into the room where the white carpet is, and throwing garbage, manure, and staining paint all over the carpet. The white carpet was never designed to be trashed like that. Something beautiful has become disfigured. That is a lot like our hearts. We, and other people, do not guard our hearts and therefore they become stained and damaged.

It is heartbreaking for me to see how many people simply throw their hearts away allowing themselves to be repeatedly hurt while trying to soothe their heart. They go from one relationship to another to another to another on the treadmill of tragedy.

Before long, their whole life is ruined. there is more to life than your partner. To have them playing God is too much to ask. I know because I did the same and now [my boyfriend] has hurt me and left. This was going to happen anyway, my mother left me and I leaned too much on him causing the stress on his shoulders. I don't blame him for leaving, but [what] he said hurt and I'll never get over that for those who seek something more and personal need to find it within themselves. Address the problem and take time to heal. If you don't, it could be worse, and you could lose everything plus more (Tori) 

Tori is absolutely right. If you don't guard your heart, you could end up losing what's most important in life love.
So where does the healing for love addiction begin? It begins by admitting our hearts are priceless and affect every area of our lives. We must make a commitment to protect our hearts and not just throw them away looking for love in people and places where love cannot be found. Let us all respect our own hearts.

Think you may be struggling with self-worth or self-hate? Download this free eBook from TheHopeLine.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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39 comments on “How to Get Free From Love Addiction”

  1. Am feeling dat am getting addicted to my love nt Jst addicted more addicted den drugs I cn wait whole day to see hr one msg Evn Wen she is nt online I wait dnt kno am I gttng mad or wat am nt understanding

  2. I was in a relationship for 15 years. Now I left her because she was in love with someone else. Even though she said otherwise. I want to get over the feeling . I miss the time I spent with her. Now there is a big gap. Which I can't fill. I know I will get over it. But I can't stop thinking about her.

  3. I have been independent all my life. I married at 19, left at 30, had a 5-year relationship with a beautiful man. Our lifestyles were too different and he never 'claimed me' so the relationship ended. Now, 35 plus years later, I am 72, he has come back into my life and for 3 months we have seen each other weekly, sometimes more often. My emotions have become more intense each week. I am sad when I am with him and sad when I am alone. I am experiencing the pain of when we are no longer together and cannot shake those thoughts. I know he can't fill this need of mine but I am confused by it. I have never felt such intense need for a man. I have dated casually, considered multiple proposals from good men, but sometimes go more than a decade alone and never crave love or sex or even much think about it. But this one man has turned me into some sort of sex or love addict. I can't get enough of him. I feel empty when I am with him and when I am not. I know I will scare him off because I can't stuff my feelings and he is helpless to 'help' me. There is nothing he can do to help. There is nothing I seem to be able to do to snap myself out of this and get back to my normal self, i.e. one who is happy alone, one who can be with a man or not, one who can date without emotions getting in the way. I hate to use medication to dull my feelings because they mean everything to me in a way. Without the intensity he would be like every other man I have ever been with. In our first 5 years, I was clearly in charge of my life, enjoying my time alone and together. I've always considered him to be the one good friend I've had, the one who opened me up to the power and importance of the male/female relationship. Now together again, it is very different for me. I think I have some sort of intimacy disorder that I am trying to understand and manage for myself. I am slowly becoming very concerned that in spite of him being my perfect lover, companion, confidant, friend, that he is toxic for me and that thought creates overwhelming fear that I am powerless to prevent a bad outcome. Most days I don't recognize myself unless I am distracted with work or activities of daily living. If I were to be alone again I don't think that would solve my problem, but might even create more of an internal struggle.

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