Falling In Love with Your Best Friend - What to Do?

What Causes Someone to Fall in Love?

"Falling in love" is what drives the romances we read about or watch in our favorite shows and movies. But what does it really mean to fall in love with someone? Falling in love happens when you have strong feelings of admiration and attraction to someone you care about. It is easy, when you are new to a relationship, or new to these feelings, to see the best about a person easily. You probably prioritize the time you spend together, and share lots of time, gifts, and affection with them. Falling in love is often a joy, and it can be part of what points you toward the person that's right for you. But it's important not to rely on strong feelings of attachment alone when making decisions about dating and marriage. You want to be sure, if you feel like you're falling in love with someone, that you share compatible beliefs about life, about priorities, and about spiritual things. You want to commit to someone only if they are respectful of you, your needs, and your boundaries. And if you feel "out of love", it may not be a sign of the end of your relationship. Depending on your reasons for falling out of love, you may be able to rekindle warm feelings by getting support and talking through your relationship

Friendships are one of life's greatest joys. Finding someone we can share our heart with -- someone who understands and accepts us just the way we are is priceless. When we can have a deep friendship with someone from the opposite sex, it is a tremendous gift. There is so much to learn and respect about both genders. But at times these opposite-sex friendships can also be a great challenge. One of the most exciting, but frightening, barriers a friendship faces is when one person falls in love with their best friend of the opposite sex. The feelings are can be intense, and the fear of revealing them can be paralyzing.

The Gut-wrenching Challenges to Secretly Loving your Best Friend

Laura reveals the gut-wrenching challenges she's facing being secretly in love with her best guy friend: It's been really hard because sometimes it seems like he likes me and sometimes it seems very obvious that we're just friends. It's torn my heart up on several occasions. I'm currently trying to get over him, because it's just too hard to love him from a distance. I don't want to lose our friendship as we've been through a lot together in the years we've known each other, but I'd rather save my heart for someone who I know is going to give me his heart fully in return.

It's okay to have feelings of love because of the trust you share with your best friend, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are in love. But it does mean you have the ingredients to develop awesome love which could turn into a great marriage. Someone once said great friends make great lovers. The longer you're friends, the more stable your relationship is going to be.

A lot of good friends can do things that romantic partners cannot. Friends usually say what they need to say to each other without fear, and good friends are more likely to be spontaneous with their activities.

Falling for a Friend


Two Warnings if  You Think You Are In Love With Your Best Friend

When you start to feel you are desiring more than just a casual friendship with your best friend and you're not sure what to do next, let me offer you some advice that could strengthen both your relationship and your love for each other.
First, don't rush into a romantic relationship with your best friend...many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your other friends.

Second, don't spill your guts right away. You might feel like you have to share all your thoughts and feelings with the other person as soon as you start to feel something. That's usually a mistake.

Javier agrees: This girl and I have known each other for nearly seven years and we have been close friends for about three. Eventually, we did start liking each other and we went out for a month and a few weeks. After that relationship ended, I didn't feel very hurt or sad. It was odd. I found myself being freer and I got to thinking: Don't rush into [a romantic] relationship with your best friend...many times people confuse love with that other kind of caring love you feel for all of your [other] friends.

Find another good friend you can trust...someone with whom you can verbalize your deep emotions about your best friend with whom you are in love. This other friend will help you continue to show the self-control of letting a good friendship grow into an even deeper friendship. Hold your emotions, get them out in a healthy way with another friend. Why chance ruining a good thing, at least for now?

Friendship IS the start of a Real Romance

On the other hand, after you've been a good friend with him/her for some time, you should be able to read their moods. You should be able to get some sense as to whether or not the friendship has developed into more of a romance for him/her, as well as yourself. If you see these signs, you might want to begin to talk about them with the good friend you so deeply love. After all, good friends should be able to talk about nearly anything.

I think Jane has a great perspective: The only time I would recommend someone reveal their feelings is if they are SURE it is mutual. A really honest friendship will often develop into love without any conscious effort. And if he doesn't love you, isn't having a REAL, HONEST, CARING guy friend better than a boyfriend that might leave you at any moment? Friends are people who you don't have to constantly worry about leaving you for no reason. And if he cares for you and stands up for you, he already loves you in a way already. 

First and foremost, good friends should know how much each person values the other. We make the mistake of demanding that many of our relationships be all or nothing romantically. Whether the person you are in love with ends up marrying you or not, you have had the joy of experiencing real love.

Real Love

Real love is rich, pure and self-sacrificing. To experience that kind of love with anybody is a priceless gift.

This is how the Bible describes true love: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Isn't that awesome? This verse also describes how God loves YOU!  Trust God as He shows you whether your best friend will become your life's partner. You may want to pray to God for guidance in this relationship and even have others pray for you.

Still wondering if it's really love or friendship?  Read: How to Know if it's Really Love. 

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239 comments on “Falling In Love with Your Best Friend - What to Do?”

  1. I am 13 and I have known this one boy since I was eight. We have become great friends and we look out for each other. We have fun together and laugh. I know I seem young but I like him. I don't know if the signs that I just told you are signs of love or great friendship. We text a lot too. I am the girl in the situation and I don't know if I should say anything or not. We even cuddle lay together! Any advice?

    1. As young as you are you guys seem like you have a passion, I was young like you and I still am! This stage of life is surely difficult and I respect because you’ve gone through it firmly. I know you may be nervous that would end the friendship. If you guys cuddled and surely have a bond together then you may already be in a relationship. Ask him if he loves you and tell him you love him so so so much. I doubt if he says no just ask if you can stay as friends.

  2. I have loved this girl for 3 years on and off we had something at one point but she moved on and I couldn’t. This lasted for a good 1.5 years after she moved on but I couldn’t love anyone else. Recently I have started dating someone and I really do like them, but those same things still remind me of the girl I have loved for 3 years. Reading this it just all comes back. I really like the girl I’m dating, but I think I still love the other girl. The other girl and I still talk regularly but she doesn’t share any feelings ( I’m not even sure if I do). She is also dating someone and I think she is very happy. I don’t know what to do help.

  3. I met a gorgeous woman mother of four. Became good friends now six months later I find myself catching feelings for her.I told her Im just hurting myself I cant see her no more she said be the man friend Ive always wanted only friends Im not attracted to you..Be my bff if you cant then its best you and me dont see each other so you dont get mislead..Its killing me because I love her...

  4. What do you do?it happens to the best of of girl has guy best friend she falls in love he looks into her eyes and says you're literally the only person I trust with all my secrets then we start discussing crushes brings up his crush figures out its not me then he asks who do u like I proceeded to try to make up a person then I yell I like you you're my best friend and I love you I've known him since I was 3 he didn't care that I said that he excepted it never treats me differently but he has a girlfriend now and all you can do is stand by and watch him dance away with her then one day he tells you he's in love with you and he breaks up with his girlfriend for you but now what we date what if there's a nasty break up and I loose my best friend? Help?

  5. It's a tough situation to be in. I've known my female friend for over 20 years, we had some gaps of being out of each others lives in between. The last few months we became closer, we have those long phone conversations, we finally expressed our mutual feelings of love and caring but our friendship has yet to move to the next level.
    At first my heart was crushed. I never knew she felt the way she did about me. She isn't sure she wants to be in a relationship with anybody due to personal health issues. I respect her wishes but also let her know that I want to be there for her and I'm not afraid of being hurt if she were to succumb to her health issues, now matter what level of a relationship we are in it's going hurt if something were to happen to her.
    At first when we talked on the phone after expressing our feelings I just wasn't my happy self on the phone. I was quiet and didn't say a lot. I usually made her laugh, she asked what was wrong, and are we okay? In my heart I'm feeling no, we aren't okay, we both said we loved one another, but are still only friends and not a couple.
    I realized I needed to get out of this funk and continue to be the guys she knows and loves or it will destroy our friendship. It isn't easy putting on a false front, this is breaking my heart because I do really love her. Part of my brain is telling me to let go and move on. The other part of my brain is telling to remain friends and perhaps in time things will change. (Other than in the movies, do they ever)?
    It's all so maddening.

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