It’s been said, knowledge is power. Unfortunately, many people like to spread damaging information or intimate details about others, whether true or not. This is what is called gossip. It used to be that people called gossip, dishing the dirt. Whatever it’s called, people use gossip to hurt people, in order to feel good about themselves and to feel like they have power over others.
Gossip Destroys Reputations
If you know something juicy someone did over the weekend, it’s easy to feel like you have to tell others. We especially like it when we hear something that makes someone look bad. Celebrity bloggers and gossip magazines make millions of dollars off of this unfortunate reality. I’m sure you have encountered gossip. Some people seem to thrive on it.
It’s time for you to decide you don’t want to have any part of it.
The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation. A reputation is very fragile. When you gossip, you are helping to destroy something extremely valuable. An anonymous blogger wrote: After telling my best friend, it leaked that I tried [cutting] once. Everyone thought I was even more of a freak.
Stop the Gossip
If it’s time for you to commit to no longer have any part of gossip, here are 5 tips on how to do it:
Make an intentional decision you’re not going to gossip.
Even though the temptation to gossip is powerful, you will always win when you choose not to use it. And really, with all gossip, there’s no way of knowing for sure what is true or not. Paul wrote: I admit that I love spreading rumors. It’s all about telling lies about someone you don’t like. It usually works. That’s the problem, it does work, almost every time. The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation.
Don’t listen to others when they gossip.
Gossip grows an audience. You simply being there listening to it adds to its appeal. If someone starts to tell you something gossipy, say, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about this person when they’re not here to defend themselves. Not only will you break the gossip chain, but you also will gain the trust of other people, as someone who won’t spread rumors. With all gossip, there’s no way of knowing what is truth or lies.
Don’t judge people based on gossip.
If you should hear gossip about someone you don’t know, you have two choices: allow the gossip to determine what you believe, or let your own personal experience determine what you think. The first time you have an experience with someone that is contrary to the gossip you’ve heard, you’ll be a lot more careful about spreading or believing gossip the next time you hear it.
Katy wrote: My best friend is someone who people used to say really bad things about. But once I got to know her, I learned the truth about her. I’m so glad I gave her a chance.
Think before you speak.
Before you repeat something you’ve heard about another person, think: does this really do any good for me to spread this information? Or am I just trying to be in the know? Is the information even true? Could I be hurting someone by telling this, even if it’s true? If the person you are talking to is not part of the problem, or part of the solution, there’s no need to tell them anything. Don’t associate with people who find such great joy in belittling others.
Stay away from people who gossip to you they will gossip about you.
Don’t associate with people who find such great joy in belittling others. Be very careful about what you choose to tell these people. If it’s a close friend, you might consider saying how you want to stop spreading gossip, and that you’d really like her help.
There’s an old saying, stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That’s not true. Being gossiped about can be extremely painful. If you don’t want it done to you, don’t do it to others. In the end, it never pays to gossip.
I really appreciated this comment from Jolene: I love how Dawson tells how gossip really hurts. Other blog sites just gossip, this one tells us how hurtful it can be. I am so glad that Dawson is down-to-earth.
For more help with gossip and reputation, I wrote these two blogs: How to Rebuild a Bad Reputation and Protecting Your Online Reputation.
What have you done to repair a bad reputation? Please tell me your story. I look forward to hearing from you.
Your Friend,
Photo Credit: Ben White
I found out years ago that most gossip is caused by jealousy and envy. A woman in the Church I go to gossips every time she opens her mouth. I think she gossips about others to try and make her and her family look better than the people that are doing the same thing as her and her family does. It doesn’t work, we all see through her, except the people who don’t know her.She has turned people against me by her lies and slander. I just hope those people will catch onto her for the liar, troublemaker,spiteful, mean, unchristian tongue wager she is.
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder love to spread vicious untrue gossip about their current target to destroy his/her reputation. That is especially true when the conflict becomes open (after the falling of the mask).
The sad thing is a lot of people love to hear gossip and it doesn’t matter if it is true or not. They think it makes them look like wonderful people, while the one being gossip about is rotten, when in fact it’s the opposite in God’s eyes.
Only the insecure or guilty would even care about gossip!!
i have to say that’s not true, it’s not just small minded but also not a very nice attitude to have..tho this may be true of some people but not stereotypical of everyone..there are people getting victimised for doing nothing and are suffering mentally because of another persons venomous tongue spreading toxic rubbish for the hell of it i suppose!! gossip hurts and is intended to slowly torture the recipient!!
No Nick that is not true. The guilty and insecure may be victims of gossip too, but when you have been a victim (and I have) you know it, and your life is NEVER EVER the same. so nick stop being the problem. get a heart.
True. I know a girl who left town because she was harassed over gossip that a vicious, jealous little witch started about her. There was nothing but lies the Witch spewed, but the poor, innocent girl had to pay for the sins of a gossip.
I am not guilty of the things I have been accuse of and I am not insecure.A person who gossips tears a persons life apart and has even caused people to commit suicide.They can never hold their head up because some vicious, jealous person has totally destroyed them, even their friends turn against them. We all should stop the gossip’s by asking them “Where did you get this and is there any truth to it’? If they can’t prove it they should be told “Then shut your mouth”, Even if it is true, what is the motive to spread it around, could it be because they are trying to cover up their own sins?
Gossip IS bad stuff. It is malicious, meant to maime, and a form of murder. People with a power agenda often gossip to ruin anyone who they think won’t do what they say. Not enough of a campaign against it in the churches – because church people like it. I’ve been victimized by these campaigns for no reason other than hatred – of which the human race has a good amount.
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Someone secure with nothing to hide wouldnt care!
here Nick is again letting us know how much better he is than we are. Nick I realize now you are a perprtrator and you are merely trying to ease your conscious by picking on those who understand how hurtful it is. Are you saved? Then read your Bible and the part about gossipers not going to Heaven, well there it is.
If thr gossip is a lie and everyone believes it then you are destroyed for no reason
Can we absolutely say nobody under this planet never gossip about in form or the other. The issue is that it’s difficult to stop gossip about personalities but we gossip about our state mayors, presidents and their administrative etc.
But whatever the case may be we have to stop.
How well respected prominent churchmen wilfully, maliciously & repetitively lie to destroy another’s reputation, that causes years of stress & brings one to the point of stress breakdown resulting in long term problems for the victim & on being found out say: ‘It was only a bit of fùn’ beggars belief & is sadistic. But they do it & get away with it all the time professing to be good churchmen. C
I’ve had people on DeviantArt make up lies about me like how I faked my attempt to commit suicide, that I’m dating myself and that my boyfriend is my alternate account, how I got banned from FA for “harassment” when I was actually banned because my account was mature locked (I appealed it afterwards) and how a random account on the site with no activity is apparently my alternate account. Worse, one of these people who made up lies about me hates Alaskan citizens so she took the fact that I live in Alaska and held it against me before claiming that I do nothing but sit on my butt and play games and that I “think” I’ll become an animator (I actually already was one to begin with before I retired) and went as far as insulting my characters, calling them “weird” when it didn’t even have anything to do with them. One of these people I can tell is probably jealous because I can animate and she can’t while the rest just flat out hate me and want to ruin my reputation by spreading lies about me. This is honestly why I’m sick of DeviantArt and I can’t wait to watch it die. A new, better art site would replace that hellhole in a heartbeat.
I mean, all this just because I wanted to share art. I had to get rid of two of my characters because of it.
Gossip is TRULY VERY HURTFUL; therefore, you would think it would be very strongly looked down upon and also preached against in our churches, where loving God and your neighbors are taught as Jesus’ answer to the most important two commandments. How on earth is gossip seen as loving? Instead … some ‘pastors’ gossip themselves, in different and unnecessary, unhelpful ways. Well, theres no way the people, then, wont pick up on that and pretty soon the church had the disease of GOSSIPITIS, or GOSSIPOPATHY,vwhatever, but the LORD cannot be happy … for this is HIS church if it is comprised by supposedly born-again, Bible-believing, Jesus-loving believers.
We MUST begin to speak out against it.
Believers will soon GREATLY need each others’ love and support. These are truly THE END TIMES. November 2018
I see that thus cannot be edited, so I’ll add a Reply … When I think on this hurtful bad habit, it jumps out at me how a gossip is actually putting himself on a pedastal, subtly expressing and feeling his superiority … UF he truly wanted improvement in someone’s behavior without doing damage, would he/she not instead DISCIPLE the gossipee … go alongside him or her and gently help him to do something better or not do something … and why (Scripture)? I know, it doesnt always work and some people get angry or offended if anyone suggests there is something ‘wrong’ happening. But the Bible says a wise person will take kindly to correction. A proud fool wont. Tell that ‘fool’ you will pray … Then DO. Many people respond well to peaying WITH them … and asking them if there is anything they would like you to pray about … maybe even right then and there. It is a loving thing to do.
I am sorry for typos … cataracts cause blurriness!
I don’t get involved with gossip it’s like people encourage you to start and want you to get in trouble but it’s hard to keep your mouth shut on things