Depressed: I Have No Meaning in My Life


Depressed at a Young Age

I have felt depressed most of my life, since a very young age. I grew up in an incomplete family. I don't remember my parents ever having a good relationship. I feel they did not do a good job as parents. My whole family consists of atheists. Nobody really thought or talked about the meaning of life or our purpose. My parents ended up divorced when I was 13 years old.

So now with my parents divorced and no meaning in my life, I spent most of my days and nights playing computer games and watching movies and sci-fi shows. These helped me escape from my reality, and my mom was OK with that.  My mom was addicted to cigarettes and my father was an alcoholic. Thank God my mom finally quit smoking after she was hospitalized.

Alcohol and Marijuana to Escape

As soon as I entered secondary school, I tried alcohol and marijuana. This hurt me a lot, but I didn't realize it at the time. It was just another way to escape. Then when I was 18, my best friend from school took his own life. It was the worst time of my life. I could not live anymore. I became more depressed and lethargic.

Sometime after this, I got to know a girl. We met at a New Year's Eve celebration. She became my first serious girlfriend.  We were both high on marijuana a lot of the time. Looking back, it was all really messed up, but at least I felt a little bit of love. But that love was not real either as I found out later. We were together for 2 months, and I realized she had a lot of boys in her life. We broke up, because I did not want to sleep with her, and she wanted sex. That was the way she felt loved. Her life was really messed up too. She also had divorced parents and did not know real love. I hope she is well as I write this. Please pray for her.

Heartbroken - Wanted to Die 

When we broke up, I thought, "I want to die." I had serious depression. I told my mom about my problems, and I started visiting a psychiatrist.  During this time, I also found TheHopeLine and read some stories and articles on the website which were an inspiration to me as I was dealing with depression and the break-up. It took about 8 months to heal my broken heart.

After that, I made the decision to start building a life for myself. It was unreal. It was a miracle. I started out by going to the gym with my friends. I really wanted to work at making my life good. I wanted to be happy and stable and have meaning in my life. I met a new friend, who helped me a bit with my heartbreak. I was slowly quitting marijuana. Things were looking up.

Found True Love and Jesus

Then a couple of years ago, I reconnected with a girl from my primary school that I fell in love with way back then. Our relationship never really went anywhere because her parents thought we were too young. We did not keep in touch after primary school, but now we had met again! We started talking to each other, and eventually I told her that I still loved her after all of those years, and I found out she still loved me! It was an amazing feeling. It still is today! She is a strong Christian, and she introduced me to the love of Jesus! Now my life has meaning!

I hope my story will be inspiring or motivating for someone who feels that everything is messed up in their life.  God had a plan for me that was better than I could have ever imagined.

Do You Need Help for Depression? 

For free, confidential support chat with a HopeCoach today!

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

TheHopeLine Team
For over 30 years, TheHopeLine has been helping students and young adults in crisis. Our team is made up of writers and mental health professionals who care deeply about helping others.
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