If you’ve been through a breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend recently, I know you’re hurting. It can seem like your feelings are all over the place. You may be feeling guilty about the role you played in ending the relationship. In those moments, it’s natural to wonder if you will get back together with them or not.
It’s important to think things through before you take action. I hope these suggestions encourage you during this difficult time.
Getting to the Heart of the Matter
Getting back into a relationship too soon, no matter who it’s with, doesn’t give you enough time to sort through your complicated emotions after a breakup.
There’s no “one size fits all” approach to healing after a breakup, but I would suggest checking in with yourself regularly and being honest when it comes to your feelings.
When you think about getting back together with your girlfriend or boyfriend, what other feelings come up?
- Do you feel anxious, nervous, or frantic? If so, you may be motivated by fear.
- Do you feel like it’s all your fault? Shame, not guilt may be to blame. Take time to face those feelings before making any major decisions.
- Do you feel a sense of longing that overwhelms you? If so, you may be motivated by a desire to end your loneliness.
- Do you worry that if you don’t get back together with them, you won’t be in another relationship? It may be time to explore your feelings of self-worth, and why they are so tied to whether or not you’re in a relationship.
Examining your feelings and motivations in an honest way can help you know how to move forward and what kind of support you need to heal after a breakup.
When I’ve had a falling out with someone I really care about, it’s so easy to blame myself, and only myself, for what happened. But the truth is, all my relationships include someone else. Responsibility for success or setbacks in relationships is shared by everyone involved.
When I’ve made mistakes in relationships, I find comfort in my faith. Praying or reminding myself of God’s boundless forgiveness keeps me from getting overwhelmed and helps me remember that He is always looking out for me, even in dark and difficult times.
If you know you did something hurtful, it is appropriate to take responsibility and to learn from those mistakes in the future. And while it is possible to get back together with your girlfriend or boyfriend, don’t jump in without knowing what they want.
The key to that balance is to remember that a breakup is a boundary. One or both people in your relationship have decided it wasn’t working and that time apart was the most appropriate choice. If your partner has made it clear that they do not want to get back together, it’s best to accept that. If you’re “taking a break” to figure things out, it is important to listen to their needs and respect their boundaries, while making your own boundaries clear along the way as well.
Sometimes it’s not always obvious where the boundaries are or what the next best step is. You may need advice on whether getting back together is the right decision. In those moments, asking for help and talking things through with someone who can have a more objective “bird’s eye view” is very helpful. A mentor you trust can help you see where you went wrong in past relationships and help you make a plan for how to build strong new relationships with people you want to get to know.
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