Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I look at everything here and it makes me think about everything I've been through. I'm only fourteen and my parents are divorced, both remarried, and my mother has turned to God and away from me, and she can't realize this. For years my cats were the only source of my happiness, and now they're gone because my stepbrother is allergic to them. I constantly think about dying and how I don't care about living anymore. A few months ago my parents called the cops on me due to a mental breakdown and I was sent to a rubber room in a nearby hospital.
I understand I'm not alone. I see everyone's problems and I grieve for them. One of my friends is suffering from a horrible case of suicidal behavior and I can't make her understand just how much she means to me. I read some of the things above, about how people thirty or more years older than me with children are suffering from this and I know that maybe someday that will be me. I've devoted my life to trying to save other people from my fate and I just wish that everyone understood me when I told them how much I love them. I hate the world but love everyone in it. Convoluted, huh? Yeah. But that's all I have to say, at least all I can say without breaking down again.
Thanks for sharing Jack. It feels good to help others....because you value that. You have a big heart. Why is it easier to care for others...than care for ourselves. I don't have the answer. I should research that. But...I know that's true with me as well. I do know that it's important to care for yourself. And...with practice caring for yourself, it will lead to compassion for yourself -- which will make your life more fulfilling. Life isn't supposed to be all happy times. That's not the way it works. But we really aren't taught HOW to deal with sadness...hurt. So you....and others on this forum....are NOT ALONE. Being happy is easy. However, coping skills to deal with our own sadness is so important. We can't really help others as well (one of our values) if we don't care for ourselves. And why shouldn't we care for ourselves? We are alive...a miracle. We can breathe....feel...touch....see...hear. Just a matter of sitting back -- and Observing these things we take for granted everyday. As I mentioned to Jane above.....try putting your hand on your heart -- and say...I Love You. Do that Every Single Day. You ARE important. You DO matter. Even if only for yourself. Follow your values. In that way, even if you stumble, fail......it will be okay....because you will be doing what you value. For me, I value being a father. I don't have the best relationship with my oldest daughter. It hurts. We were close when she was younger - but my ex in leaving the marriage....manipulated her. I text and call her everyday. She doesn't always answer. It hurts. But I do it everyday anyway. It makes me feel good. And....when she does text or call....I soak it up. Enjoy every word. Caring for ourselves, I believe. Takes practice. Sadly/Wrongly/Most of us aren't taught this skill. For me, I had to read about it. And I try to help others. Because I hate seeing people in pain. I know how it feels. And I don't like being alone. So I write. Maybe no one will listen. But....maybe they will. Care for yourself Jack. You are a miracle. There's ONLY ONE YOU...in this entire WORLD. WOW.
Nothing like waking up on a new day and still hating yourself. I love my wife & children but I deeply hate myself.
I lost my wife because of that same problem. She found another man who she can communicate with. I suggest being honest with your self. write those things on a paper and bring it to a therapist and either read it to them or let them read it. Because as a guy seeking help is different than babbling about "feelings"- and how can you seek help if you can formulate out loud your emotional needs? That's why I said to write your thoughts/feelings/emotions down if you can. For me my Ex did not understand that it wasn't that I didn't care about communicating or that I wasn't in love with her. I later found out that I wasn't able to formulate out loud my emotional needs. I'm not alone. You are not either. Most guys where a mask to hide their true emotions from an early age.We get it stuck in our head as young kids that crying is for girls. If you get hurt you better not cry or everyone will laugh at you or the " Only women talk about their emotions". From then until now we are still that little kid that is afraid to cry and express emotion. I'm not anymore and the next women I bring into mine and my daughters life will be lucky to have such a sincere man by her side. If you don't get help now you wife will leave you and then you will feel true sadness on a whole different level that you have now. I never write on these message boards man let alone know how I even got to this site. Maybe I was meant to read your post.
How am I supposed to like myself or not think I have a problem when I can't even figure out how to talk to my wife about relationship.
So many people in pain like me... Makes me hate my life even more that I dare feel pain when I know there are others worse off... My problems seem minescules compared to some people... Then I have thoughts of why bother posting here so many comments, no one will hear you... Then I feel guilty for being so selfish... Then I think well I will probably never even come back to check if anyone replied and then feel guilty about that.
I miss my kids so bad but I dont even think they would give a toss if they ever saw me again... They're only young and dont understand... Having a great time... And I am glad about that but would like if they missed me but then I feel bad about that cos just shows how bad a person I am! How selfish I am... Then I think should I even be here, would they even know if I was gone... Would they care, I honestly dont think they would.
Life is a terrible mess for me... I mess everything up, always have... As a kid I remember thinking that when I am an adult it will be great cos no one will pick on me and I can do what I like etc. Nah, still sucks... Now my kids have gone I have nothing, no-one... Just emptiness everyday... Empty cupboards and desperation... I'll even lose my home soon... Be on the streets... Something to look forward to ay...
I cant kill myself though, far too much a coward for that... It'll hurt and I am weak... Maybe it will get even worse and I will have no choice... But even then I dont think I could...
Atleast I am not alone in my misery... I know why I hate myself... Its because I suck so bad at life. At everything...
I completely understand you...
I want all of this pain to stop, but I'm too much of a coward to actually kill myself. I've tried though...
I'm only 16 years old and I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life.
I used to have ambitions, big dreams, but now I have nothing. I know that we're all far better off than kids in Afrika, who don't even have one good meal per day and I feel horrible and selfish that I act the way I do.
I hope you know that you're not alone...
I have endless health problems, a dead end job, no partner, no friends, low self esteem, and social anxiety. But I still believe God loves me he gave me 2 beautiful children and IM STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!
Hi. I was wondering how severe is your social anxiety, because I was thinking you might enjoy volunteering in some capacity at your kids' school or maybe joining a support group with other people that have similar health challenges as you do. It may help you realize just how much of a blessing you can be to others, allow you to meet other people, and raise your self-esteem.