Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I don't have single thing to be unhappy about. But i am empty on the inside. I have a husband and two kids who all say they love me, but i feel nothing but guilt i can't reciprocate. I accepted Jesus as my savior, and the following year and a half was good. but for the last 14 yrs i have hated waking every morning to another day of not enjoying anything. It does not compute with me. I know in my head i have everything cause i have Christ in me, but why so empty feelings al the time? I just want to go home/heaven. Then my husband can find a wife who can love him from the heart and my kids will get a chance at seeing what joy in people actually looks like.
Feels like me...
I feel like I fail/suck at life..right now im meant to be at my little brother's birthday thing. Im hiding at home.
Why do I suck at life...
J you don't suck hun. Your just hiding. But why?
Let me tell you.... You are a prize possession I don't know you but all I want to say is I love you. Jesus adores you. Like life is so ugly and it hurts soooo much..... But I know for a fact you are going to shine brighter than all the people on the planet. Make your years worth living because we don't know when we die. Idc if you want to die, what happens when you regret not making life amazing. What do you have to lose living every second likes it your last?
me to and what even worst is when u fail in front of a whole class
You dont suck. You just havent found the right age for uou life. Everybody finds one age that they are happy.
change the question and change the outcome; Why do i suck to; Why can i do this. help yourself instead of hate yourself
That doesn't necessarily change the outcome. Let's not paint every situation with a broad brush.
At least Rob's attempting to assist. That's all we can do sometimes. You never know until you try.
Dear Sophie, I feel you were telling about the past 14 years. There were some great times for you in the past and i'm sure in your childhood. The guilt you have is due to some reason which you alone know and you cant even tell your husband. I'm guessing and i might be right or wrong.You don't have to answer me that. I faced a similar situation like you in my life.Its as if my life was limited to the 90's.Those were the best days and after i grew big in 2000's i was just like empty.You just live because you have to.That's what it felt like. But the responsibilities you have to take care of them.Even felt like ending my life.Meant no anger to others.but felt the same like you. But i found the purpose in my life. Its great you have accepted Jesus.Ok ask yourself one question?
Why are you mother of 2 children and wife to the one particular person in worlds population of 720 crores.. After hearing that you'll feel life even negligible. But the truth is God put you there in that exact place to take care of your husband and those two gifts God gave you.And not 1 out of 720 crores other than you will love them like you nor take care of them.Even if you're miserable inside find meaning for your life by laying your life for them rather than yourself."Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
Do that by taking care of them everyday
And you wanna go home/heaven then this life is a probation period/assignment given by god for you to complete.So finish it with distinction dear.
Read your Bible,Pray everyday & take care lovingly your husband and your 2 angels.That is your purpose and redemption dear.
Read the book"The Purpose driven life by Rick Warren'.Buy it online and read it for sure.it'll defintily help.
And in the end as a co believer i wish you all the best sister and May God Bless You.
Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee.Psalm 55:22
Bi dear
C
Hi Johnny Bravo, may I know what year you were born? I feel exactly like you. I was born in 1981, and it seems I can't move on from the late 80s, 90s and maybe early 2000s. I am guessing that maybe it is because I am passing my quarter life crisis. But on the other hand I also felt that all aspect in human life are start to degrading after the 90s. I don't know which one is true.
I'm a 80s. I love the 80s, 90s and early 20s...that should stop you from living in the present. The world is so big. There are so areas like Venice that allows you to like in a past era in 2016. Maybe,you need a change of location.
OK here's my problem with this. I believe God has put me here for a reason, God is putting me through severe trials that seem to have no end, and the only reward I can see is heaven. In that case -- why not just kill myself? The temptation is so strong. Even though I know God would want me here longer, for his own reasons, I do not believe I am strong enough to continue suffering in his plan. I realize suicide is a great sin, but I am simply not strong enough to withstand the days, weeks, months, and years of pain ahead of me.
Hi Danny,
How are you doing today.. I hear and feel your pain as well as understand the temptation but I decided a while back not to look ahead at the pain but to try and bring forth Hope for a little Change in my way of thinking and I discovered that with help I do actually have control over the way I think and see life and especially the way I talk to Myself because we ourselves are the most important speaker to our true selves.. thinking of you
Its amazing reading these blogs, it seems there is more to this self loathing and procrastination and depression.. its more than just having a bad day or a bad month. Im approaching 44 and i have felt this way since i was a child. I feel sorry for the people i love having to put up with me. I have always been a hard worker and have been successful. Nothing seems to change im "happily" married and all i do is bring my loving wife and family down. I dont know how to change. I try with no avail. I have put on that face for many years and i dont know if i can continue.. i have turned to alcohol as its the only friend i have and i hate myself for that. There must be something undiscovered in our brains that we dont know of that causes us to feel this way because in all honesty most of the time i have no real reason to feel the way i do as i me sure some of you feel this too
I feel the same way :'(
I can't tell how I feel because they won't be honest. Is it stupid? Just be honest.
I am an alcoholic and a am I liar - I liar to myself when I say it is my friend because it may pretend to hold or nourish me in the moment but then it drops me down and treads on me more depression and anxiety. I lie to myself when I say I am thirsty and will quench my thirst with just one beer because alcohol makes me dehydrated and I want more. It sets me to a time when I start to think 'i will have just one ' - usually around 6pm , and I never did like being tied to time yet it pretends to be my friend in making me do this. I lie to myself that I am an adult and deserve a drink now and then when what I actually deserve is to me free of a friend whom only bully's me into lying and makes me feel worse about myself.. What I deserve to to life free of this so called friend.. I deserve more and I deserve better friends - Its not easy to look at being disappointed if I put myself out there to be accepted for who I am, its terrifying actually! but I have survived my past and can survive my future and learn to say - o.k thats disappointing but I will search again and ask again until I find true friends whom don't want to control me the way my old friend did.... Be kind and put the stick down , you don't have to have a reason to feel bad, you don't have to know why - accept that you do and feel grounded in that, sadness and anger are not terrible emotions and will not destroy you - the alcohol that you take to hide these feelings will.... be sad :-< then be happy a little when the sun shines through the clouds on you, gently tap your fore fingers to your forehead and repeat - I love and accept myself, I love and accept myself...
You are loved and accepted ... Good Luck xoxo
no offense...is your friend you? tbh this sounds to me as if u r blaming ur friend, he didn't literally force alcohol down ur neck YOU DID
The friend is the alcohol
What can I do to make it stop, I'm very tired of feeling like this can't do it anymore
Are you feeling any better??
Read into mindfulness and stoicism - I'm not cured, but i'm better most days. the thoughts don't have to be there, but they are - that doesn't make them real. start to ignore (but not suppress) that voice inside your head telling you lies. it's a shame it's there, but it is. nothing to do but try acknowledge it isn't telling the truth. feel fully, but include happiness in those feelings, and remember they are in your head. there's a you under all that hatred which isn't the hatred, try find it. sorry to ramble.
If someone got emotional unstability your actually using your higher intelligence in a bad way and that freaked me out too, once a bad self talk is to help yourself grow from the inside but everyday keeping yourself down aint good. I personally think you got to reconize where you hold yourself back and then search for a Mental Coach to keep up te positive feelings and self talk, you cant change in a day if you live this way a longer time! Coach yourself and be patient and you will be happie on your way
Hi...im feeling horrible about the choices i have made in my life...im a sexual abuse survivor..an ex doper..with over 30 years truly clean..ive lost my first child...been thru hell...and im still feeling like im in a prison...ive been a victim of several motor vehicle accidents...beginning being hit by a truvk when i was 13....im 50 now have gone thru 4 marital hookups...for which i have i was subjected to domestic violence...still a born beliver in a higher power...in whivh my laughter is my only revenge...forgive them lord for do not know what they do....i have been through the mental health system..given anxiety and pain meds to no avail...and just decided to say ftw...and accept it and say ok...im angry...now what....my quality if life is what is so important...i dont have the emotional reserve...to deal with alot of bs....i am a single mother of 4 kids...for which only 1 is home...16 years old....i really want to die..because it would seem less burdernsome on my daughter...and i feel like so many bad things have happened...it cant possibly get any better...but i came up with up with something...and i hope its going to take away those horrible awful feelings..that i hate reliving....i decide today...since it appears that i seem to have some car curse. .im going to get a tatoo on my wrist saying..b positive bear.....and everytime when i see my hand its going to remind me of my daughter whom has stood beside me through it all...it will be my affirmation to my myself a committment to her...and to remind myself to let go...all this negative feelings..frowning...is messing with my smile...and giving me stupid wrinkles...like a stepper....thanks for reading my post....perhaps finally a real place to vent..
I send you a smile
(^+^)/
The poncho is wonky, but I love it that way.
I don't know if this is your original work of art or not, but it's beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, what a story. I hope things are a bit better now.
It's society
Indeed.
At least you have people that cares love you
I don't have that and never did
I wish I was the same way others are with me
I actually do care bout others but I have not one person asking me if I'm ok
Never did
I care.
I do
How are you dude? I care
At least you have people that cares love you
I don't have that and never did
I wish I was the same way others are with me
I actually do care bout others but I have not one person asking me if I'm ok
Never did
Well..Are you okay?
I believe that there is someone who cares even if you don't know it someone does
Hi, I hope you won't mind a sincere question. I've often heard the expression you've shared here. But I have to wonder, how does one KNOW there is someone out there who cares for one? More importantly, why should such a thing be true? There are countless examples of Third World children literally dying in dirt roads of malnourishment and disease without anyone caring for each individual child; or elders in the West abandoned to abuse in understaffed nursing homes, never to see their relatives again; or "friends" working and contributing to their communities who nevertheless, because we're all free to choose whom we want in our lives, are neglected emotionally to the point they feel like mere machines instead of living and loving people. Sure, there are counter-examples, but the fact remains many, many people live horribly isolated lives. And following the myriad suggestions for changing this doesn't change anything for many who most need it. I think people don't need an ephemeral "somebody" who cares. They need a concrete person or people who cares/care. And I just don't see why the universe/cosmos/world must supply this, especially in light of the mind-boggling examples of the need not being supplied already.
That actually cheered me up. Weirdly. Knowing that I don't HAVE to be cared about to exist, and that there is many who are like me...helps. Thanks.
Hey, Jake. You're welcome, man. That perspective keeps me grounded, distinguishing between human wishes, and the way the world appears to work. A lot of the things we humans want don't seem in the least guaranteed. For some of us, otherwise desirable things may be very improbable, especially when those things are limited resources for which we generally compete.
If you ever want to share more, I'd be interested in reading about your own perspectives and experiences.
Peace.
What difference would that make (if it were true) if you don't even know who they are...
I feel the same way. I'm always asking people how they are, if they are okay, if they want to talk and what not. but no one asks me how I'm doing or if I need help. It just feels like no one cares about me or what's happening to me.
I CARE!!!!!
Thank you for pointing this out. Some people have absolutely no one. No family. No friends. Just coworkers who care about only the work, not them. And professionals who see them an hour a week. What about all the other hours comprising the week/month/year? Oh, and let's not discuss the elephant in the room--that social groups out there are comprised of, um, people. So, the same social factors that might have led to some people's painful isolation and eroded self esteem in the first place are often present in the social groups they're encouraged to join as they "get out there" and "take control of" their lives.
My biggest prob is that I'm completely alone and I barely believe in God enough to believe that I'm His child or that I'm special. It's just feels like He left me alone here too with only one soul who really loves me and that's my child. My parents are fakes at loving me and everyone else only has phases of caring about me. It's not real love. I'm a single mom and I have no one to turn to. IV already tried praying but sadly it's not enough. No answers yet. I can only try to have faith and blindly go on. I would consider suicide but leaving my baby isn't an option. Her father did that. My parents did that. I'm not gonna do that to her too.
I am a single mom and feel the exact same way. I'm a religious person but lately I feel even God has abandoned me. My parents didn't want me my ex husbands didn't want me. I have a beautiful daughter who loves me I feel guilty because I just feel so empty inside
I know how you feel. I was a church girl for many years and I often would tell the people around me the same things. prayer isn't enough. you need actually people to help along in life and real tangible solutions to your problems. Not just pie in the sky talk or platitudes. Hope comes when you start to see and believe there is a solution that you can have, touch, see, taste, experience. I wonder if the church people actually cared about me at all really. I don't think so. I think they had their own agendas and loving people was not it. I hope this helps and you do find some people around you who are REAL PEOPLE and who will help you find actual help and solutions to your problem.
Are there really any real loving, caring, empathic, compassionate people out there who'd actually WANT to be my friend? And not feel sorry for me or use me as their next "I pity her" Christian project? I've had the worst experiences with people who called themselves Christians. People are just awful in my experiences from my life. I'm sick of the fakers too!
Dear, God did not desert you. You did! Please try and look for the truth. Once you find it, trust me you will never exchange it for anything else. Look really hard and find the truth. It manifests itself to you everyday, you're just not looking hard enough. With all honesty and sincerity ask God to guide your heart. Trust me, He Will!
What's ones purpose in life?
We all meet death: depressed or happy, young or old, rich or poor, so why are we given life to begin with? There must be a reason. So please look for that reason.
Go out there and seek knowledge! You have the worldwide web at your finger tips. I know that sounds cliched but the point is that you need to speak to people of knowledge. Ask questions, lots of questions! If people are upon the truth they should be able to answer all your questions.If someone answers your questions inadequately then ask other people. Your questions are important to you, so find the answers you seek!
In case you are wondering what is this "truth" I am referring to, well please allow me to explain. The truth behind the creation of this universe and galaxies and all else that encompasses our knowledge. The people in this world, basically life as we know it. What's the truth behind all of this?
I pray you find true guidance. If I have said anything here to offend you, please forgive me. I did not mean to offend you. I am only trying to help not make things worse.
My heart is with you, you wonderful mom
I am in the same boat. I'm married and struggle daily with self hate, some days worse than others. Its a never ending battle trying to feel good inside for more than a minute. I don't talk to my birth family and really don't have support from anyone other than my hubby. I'm alone all the time.
Hello, I hate myself. It comes and goes but when acute it's relentless, like now. I'm married with three young kids. I work hard and when I stop working the hatred onsets, so there's no peace, well, when it's bad.
Hi Chris, I'm sorry you going through this, like I have! I've had a bit of reprieve from the self hatred as of the last week. I'm extremely hard on myself and I've been working hard on giving myself permission to not be perfect. I've been working on my frustration and anger tolerance mainly with breathing exercises and more positive self talk. I'm tired of suffering so so much. Why do you hate yourself? Maybe write down why you do. Also make a list about what is good about you. Your good qualities. I did that last week. Are you suffering from depression? I have been for a long time. So write your lists. Writing the lists helps you put things in perspective. I'm a major perfectionist, but trying to just not worry if I make an honest mistake, apologize if I need to, if I've wronged someone. And if I've made a mistake say, playing piano or singing, I'm learning that its OK, and to just keep on playing, singing. I can work on correcting later and not to beat myself up when I'm working through whatever mistake I made before. Were human. Everyone messes up. Its just how we deal with it and see the problem in our minds. I realized that I deserve happiness, joy, to be forgiven and forgive, I deserve a good life, I deserve respect, I deserve to respect and love myself etc. Breathing exercises help a lot especially when your anxious, angry, nervous. It helps regulate your nervous system. See the good you, accepting the not so perfect you and giving yourself permission to be human, permission to take care of you. I have young kids too. It takes a lot out of you, can be very stressful. But can also be very enjoyable. Hang in there. I'm not saying I'm 100% out of the self hate thing, but its my perspective that's changing. It takes time to develop self love and get rid of the crappy recording we've believed all our lives. I take it day to day. Hope my post helps you! Again, I so empathise, cuz I'm in your shoes.
I feel like this all the time. I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me. I have 2 boys and a 3 month old son. My childhood was not good at all and im just so afraid that I am going to mess up my kids and one day that they will feel this feeling ive been feeling for a few years now. Ive not always been like this.
Life seems unfair to me and I feel nothing, I tried fixing my self but it becomes worse. Failing 4 times at varsity makes me feel like I'm a failure. I'm 26 turning 27 with nothing to show, no boyfriend, no qualification and no kids. Nothing seems working for me.
You are loved, and you are adored, just please, believe it. It doesn't have to be life-changing when you just believe in your worth, it just has to be an act of kindness towards yourself. Because you deserve to be loved and you are. Allow yourself to love you. Allow others to love you. And Portia, or anybody who might be reading this, I really do believe those words. You don't need to have a husband or wife or kids to be loved. I know society may seem to make it so it HAS to be a goal you reach, but you really don't.
And you're still young. Give yourself time and love, and patience. If nothing seems to be working, however hard you try, do one thing for me. Don't try so hard. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just let things be. However they are, as every moment comes, be there. You're beautiful. I wish I could say those words to you, face-to-face, so you would really know, but PLEASE believe me! You are loved, just as you are, right now, wherever you are standing, sitting, if you crying or laughing, smiling or talking. Wherever you are, whoever you are, wherever you go, whatever you choose to do, you are loved, always. Allow yourself to see that, whatever it is you're feeling. Just lets things be, sometimes it's all we need for things to work themselves out.
Portia,
I am going through what is probably the worst self doubt and deprication I have gone through, but I do have it in me to tell you this. You have been on earth, alive, with a beating heart, for 27 years. You do not need to show anything to anyone. I've failed more times than I can count, but I promise you, you will succeed. Just wake up and tell yourself that you will do more today. You will smile more, you will walk a little taller. Someone out there will love you, will care, will see what makes you unique. Just know, I don't know you, but I think you are someone I am proud of. You are strong enough to show how you feel, and I am proud of you. Keep on keeping on.
go to a hobby store. find people who like niche culture. engage in social games, i play Dungeons & Dragons and the human interaction cheers me up to no end. the feeling eventually wears off, but a couple games a week keeps the blues away, funnily enough blues music helps too.
I understand where you're coming from . I feel the the Same.
Me.
These comments hit hole with me. I have nothing to. E unhappy about. Yet I continue to hate myself for every failure. I have no friends that I can talk to and my only one is now moving away. I want to kill my self but I am too weak to even do that.
No, please don't think you need to kill yourself!! Please don't think about it. If your entire purpose was just to die then you wouldn't have been created in the first place.
OMG, I cried my eyes out reading this. I have been there, it's depression. I encourage you to seek medical attention ASAP! You deserve it, you deserve love and to feel whole again. I don't care what you've done or did not do in your past, you owe it to yourself and fAmily to treat the depression beast. Finally enjoying every bit of life you so deserve.
Sophie, asking questions is an interesting tool. Has to be the right questions, I've heard over and over again. I'm writing this to you and as a reminder for myself. Ask, what do I want to do that I will actually enjoy? If there is something, ask how can I really do this. If there isn't something, ask, what was the last thing I enjoyed? Also, I am a firm believer in the body mind connection. It saved me. See a good endocrinologist and have a full panel of blood work done. No antidepressants, but getting vitamin mineral and hormone levels in the body right can save the day. Go to yoga classes. Everyone feels better unless you are suffering from a negative body image. Who cares though? You need to move your body in ways that are going to heal you. It works.
Another thing that has helped me is what u call "the one foot in the grave theory". Imagine you are a very very old person lying in your death bed. What advice would you give yourself right now? See life may feel long but it's going to be over for all of us. Is there anyway you can enjoy it more? It's a relatively quick ride.
i have been there i have two children i thought would be better off with out me. i gave up on life but then just didnt know how to end it. mostly because i didnt want to hurt my family. i remember lying down on the lawn and crying wishing i was on the other side. i feel so sorry that you are struggling with this for so long. i was sick . its not normal to live with that amount of sadness. i dont want you to take this the wrong way but please go get help from a proffessional. it doenst have to be this way. i would never believed if i didnt keep trying different meds until i came around. i wil be on them for life but i can laugh once more. it will always be a fight. but please understand that you are ill. please take you comment to a doctor. it says it all. hang in there you are not alone.
You know you are worth more than you think. I'm sick of being miserable in my life but for you and me lets challenge each other to make our lives the best. Everything seems to be going wrong in life but when we have to take positive out of it some way... Some how. If you want to feel satisfied in God fight for him. I have the shittiest life absolutely horrid whenever I turn away from him. But when I love him, not just saying it.... He always makes it better. If you want his holy ghost fight for it! God bless you princess, God blessed you that people that adore and the enemy is trying to waste time making you and me feel bad! Let's challenge each other to live our short life on earth amazing. There is beauty in the broken, rainbows after rain, and eternal love from the lord.
Im crazy. I have a weird tick that manifests in my unconcious voicing of things like " i wish were dead" or " nobody loves me" . Im not even thinking these things when i say them. Try explaining that to a stranger. Or a girlfriend. Or employer. The thing is, this has been going on for so many years, i fear its becoming the truth. Im chronically unemployed and broke. I dont believe in god or the devil or an afterlife. I dont fear death. I dont believe in consequence on an eternal scale. I do not see the work of a loving creator in most people. And perhaps especially, myself. I need help, but i cant afford it. I have tried free clinics and mhmr programs, but apparently you have to represent a more imminent threat to the public at large to merit free head med. whatever it is, its accelerating in spite of my awareness of it. Like its growing in my brain. And yes, i know that sounds crazy and dramatic. I think thats my point. Im becoming desperate. And my interior monologue increasingly dark or at least pragmatic about likely outcomes.
Sophie, any chance you have sought help for clinical depression? I was diagnosed with major depression a few months ago for basically the exact symptoms you describe: emptiness, guilt, not enjoying life. The reasons are not just "life sucks" but can also be caused by chemicals misfiring in your brain. If you or anyone else knows the feeling, I strongly recommend getting in touch with a therapist or psychiatrist, and if you feel you're not strong enough, ask a loved one. First and foremost, talk to your loved ones, let them know how you feel. They won't be perfect, but they will be great sources of strength for you in their own ways.
It sounds like you have gone into a state of hypotension... And you are shutting of your feelings to protect yourself from them. Don't be afraid to seek help.
Sophie, I feel the same way right now and I don't understand why. My family tells me they love me but it seems they are never here for me. My employer or employees don't like me, I don't feel that I can get advice from anyone which makes my decisions harder to make. I feel that my family loves me for what I can do for them and don't love me for who I am.
I come home almost every day from work with no one to come home to. I feel I don't like anything in my life. I don't know what to do.
WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY ALIVE. A friend of mine lost her mother to suicide. I saw the despair in her eyes, for years to come. Her mother shouldn't have acted the way she did. Now, my friend is stronger than most, but she almost gave in. Tragedy can force people to lose hope in God, or can cause them to put their lives in God's hands. You have to stay alive. Swear it not to me, but to your family. Swear that your kids will not have to grow up without a mother, and that they may never have to doubt your love. Don't have their father look in their eyes and see nothing but sadness.
Are you saying that instead of despair in your friend's eyes, it would have been better to have her mother stay alive and have despair in her eyes instead?
It's pretty clear what the problem is. You have a good life, a husband and two two kids, in a reasonably good condition compared to 99.5% of the human race.
Practice some gratitude.
Do Negative Visualisation, Stoicism, charity events or talk to people who have it much worse off. Cancer patients, amputees, old men with regrets, people with distant familial relations, single moms etc
if you have suffered with this 14 years, doing this should not take much effort.
If you had this problem for a few months, it would be whining. But clearly you've been going through a rough patch
Wish you the best.
I feel the same way
i tried suicide and ended up on a support machine for a week, I saw the devastation it caused and saw that even though I had originally thought that my family was better off without me as I had nothing to give them - the empty black hole I was so ashamed of I thought would bring them down too. Talking to my family and asking them to Accept me as I was, accept that I was sad and disappointed at life sometimes, even though I was so proud and loved Them with all my heart. They understood more than I could have dreamed of and although it took them a while to stop trying to 'fix' me they did accept that I needed help... I now speak with a wonderful therapist (whom took me four different ones to find the right one) once a week, took a foundation psychotherapy course, walk and read a lot.. Don't know about you sophie, but I was practically allergic to doing anything good for myself due to having looked after alcoholic parents and bullying sibling.. Doing something nice for myself, learning to look after myself, eating better, giving up alcohol myself was a step in the right direction...
Please know you are loved and cared for even when your not doing this for yourself. The world can be such a disappointing place and the emptiness inside can often be that we have so many different feelings like anger, hurt, frustration so repressed from early on that messed together can feel numb and empty - you are a beautiful human being whom deserves to be heard and deserves to have whatever feelings you have... write, write, write and write some more.. then pour our more feelings and if you need to cry or punch into a pillow then do so - You deserve your feelings and you are worthy of them...
Thank you for that post
I don't know u ...frnds I have told everything to my grlfrnd that m bad and m the worst afterthan she come in relation with me I don't know wat she thinks about me at that tym...after being in relation with her I forgot my frnds my parents too she even knew that...but at last she goes with other person ..just because I abused her because I came to know that she is talking with other person ...and that person say that she is prostitute for me...I don't know wat the hell happens with me at that tym I want to die ...no one is with me...I want to know that m wrong or ryt...and wat can I do to move on in my life I can't forget this ...
Google symptoms of depression and then honestly do the "Goldberg's depression test" (type it into google). Make an appointment with a GP and try to as honestly as you can explain the types of things that go through your mind and how you feel. They will help you, there are so many ways to confidentially get help so that you can have a normal, happy life again. Don't suffer alone, because you do need help. And you deserve it.
I feel exactly the same way. Its bad enough that I hurt myself with my negative thoughts but to know that I drag my kids and husband down with me really makes it worse. If I could disappesr & make them forget about me, I.would in an instant. I'm not worth all of the dead weight that I bring to my family: (
That is not true. Sorry for interrupting, but, I've also been in deep pains. And I hate concerning other that I don't know personally. But, one thing I can say, If you're still alive, You're still in hope.
Don't commit suicide
Try to enjoy life while you still have it, you gotta find something to do that you really like. live life to the fullest. Save up money and go on vocation with your family enjoy every moment with your family you never no when you will lose them.
If none of the above help you might need to get counciling
I hope I helped:)
Reading your comment is unbelievable bc this is exactly the way I feel. I didn't know other people felt this way bc nobody ever talks about things like this. I also wish I could just go be with God and my husband could find a helpful wife and my kids would not have to be a caretaker, but instead see joy. You wrote my exact thoughts.
I know why your feeling like this. All it is, is the devil messing with you just pray about it I grew up in church and got saved when I was 4 that devil STILL messes with me I always pray and it alwaus works just put your trust in God. Remember that Nothing is impossible with God.
We live in a cruel world full of nasty and ignorant people and it hurts every day when you look in the mirror at yourself and envy other people. You must put that aside. I have one thing going for me and that is a dream and I am going to pursue it with full intent. I must not continue to lay in the shadows. I must let my beauty shine. I see so many beautiful people flashing their bright smiles and putting their faces in the sun and it seems so unreal but it is not. Time is the most valuable thing in the world because the inevitble truth is that everyone must die. Use time to go after something real and true. Use time to do something people will remember. You can not waste your time on what our pathetic society calls beautiful. You must free your mind. Being free from the chains people place upon you is being perfect. You.must stop laying in your own filth when you know it is filth. Live life to the fullest and have no regrets. You will never be as beautiful as you are now. That is the true definition of someone who is radiant with beauty. I am not even in the 10th grade and I have embraced the way of the world. Know I must apply myself to.my own advice.
I have no clue if you are still here or alive anymore but I just wanted to add in. You are not the only one
Grow in your faith. It dies away if you don't nurture it and seek God in every last thing you do.
It sounds like you have clinical depression.
I have a husband and two kids and feel the same way.
I'm sorry you feel this way. My problem is similar but with no kids. My wife says she loves me. I have no self confidence. I'm a smaller man and sadly my life revolves around sex. So if I can't stop thinking about it and that's all I care about I'm so mad at being ungifted downstairs.
being big hasn't helped me. if you want more in your life start talking to strangers more. thats the easiest way i know of to find out about new things.
you gotta be so open minded to accept what im going to say but what if just what you are not on the right track what if you are not worshiping the right 'God' search for the truth look for debates online. Im 25 now and ive changed my religion 2 times. and my journey started by two simple questions 1.what if ive always been wrong ? 2.what if the what i think is completely wrong is actually the truth?
if u made sure the answers are no by looking online searching watching debates or whatever then congratulations you found the truth.
hihi sophie
don't think that way... maybe you are one of the reasons that your hubby is praising God each day...
Ya, I know... It's empty and feel like life is so meaningless... You love Jesus but still the void is there...
How about finding some purpose in your life? If your children are still not yet adult, how about teaching them to differentiate between right and wrong (morally)... If they are grown up, how about making the whole world a better place... (Eg create jobs for the unprivileged - eg homeless person etc)
Both will glorify God and let the world know much about our Abba Father
Omgoodness....Idk what to say about your situation. I wish I could hug you and all your pain just fly away....I love you and I hope these words find you in a better place.
Hi Sophie, are you feeling less empty now?
I know this was written a long time ago, but I hope you are doing better. I feel like what you just described is a textbook description of depression. I am also battling depression and I feel these same symptoms. How you described it as feeling "empty" is exactly how I feel many times and how many other people do. When you feel down without any reason for it, that is exactly how they described depression. Having depression is a very common thing. By saying this I'm not trying to say your problems are no big deal, but many people have gone through what you are/were going through and have gotten through it. I am not trying to diagnose you, but I would highly recommend seeing a doctor who can prescribe you medicine for it and also seeing a theapist. I am truly sorry for what you are going through, but with time, effort, and with the help of medication I truly believe you can get through this. I would also like to point out that not all anti-depressant medications work the same way. Some may work for you, and some may not. It might take some trial and error before you find the right one. I hope you are doing better though and all is well! People love you out there!
Wow don't say that if you left Earth Joy is not what they would feel trying to figure out what it is you need to be happy and obtain it or at least work towards it my $0.02
I feel the exact same way😢
Have you found a way of changing those thoughts?
The more I fight the more I want something the more I loose interest.I'm to the point that I have to pretend Im exited about the things I was once interested in so that people won't actually realize that I'm on the edge and just days or weeks from ending my world.
Hi so im 14 and this is my experience with my self-hatred. I loved being the weird confident kid i was until the first year of middle school. It was 6th grade and there was tons of new people and some things id rather not mention caused me to grow up very fast in a short amount of time. at the same time of my dear friends who is actually my 2nd cousin was struggling with depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. at the time i thought i could help. we would talk on facetime for hours every night because she lived hours away.Slowly she got better and i took a lot of burden off of her shoulders, but i didnt know that i wasnt ready for it. I was always worrying about her especially when i got to 7th grade. I would break down crying as often as 3 times a week in class alone and at home i cried almost every night. I was afraid she would kill herself, and i constantly revolved my life around her. my friends didnt notice much witch developed me to believe that they didnt care enough about me to ask why i was crying in the middle of class, although no one ever noticed me sobbing in the middle of silent reading time of a teacher's lecture. slowly over the years i also became more self conscious, I started to change how i dressed to look like the other girls although that didnt change how i felt about my personality. That was the thing that hurt the most in 6th grade people would get annoyed with how bubbly and annoying i was to the point where i became isolated and mean. I thought it was cool to act this way, but I learned its cooler to be nice and love everyone then be judgmental, but instead i found myself stuck between 2 places when sometimes i act overly bubbly and my own family gets annoyed with me to the extent when they would send me to my room and my older brother would yell at me for being too annoying. And now I hate myself more then I ever have. I spend long periods of time looking into a mirror trying to find a beautiful piece of me. people now see me as a arrogant ugly annoying and i value their opinion so much i believe them too. It gets to the point where I dont what to go to school because Im afraid of the other kids and what they will say to me, even though more than half the stuff i hate about myself they havent even noticed. Im afraid of never being loved, some people say im pretty and that makes me feel good, but i look at all the other girls and boys who are ALL BEAUTIFUL and realize i will never be like any of them. My biggest dream is finding someone to love me, and my biggest fear is never finding that person, I get in my own head and I always end up breaking down and crying. I have had panic attacks in the middle of school, when all i can do to relive the stress is scratch my neck and wrists with my nails until they bleed and no one still notices. I HATE HATING MYSELF i want to love myself and enjoy life, but now im in 8th grade and wishing im dead because i feel worthless, because i am worthless.
Hi Sophie, I was confused for a moment and thought I wrote this a long time ago. Its weird, I feel the same way. Hugs!
I used to be a social butterfly when i was young, but now at my early 20s, i became more and more undocial person, its just like im too unconfident to start a conversation, and when they start it, i tend to answer them shortly, thats it.. i became more and more afraid to open myself to others.
I dont see any major flaw on me, im not ugly, my grade at uni is good, i myself really dont understand why it happen
all the tym i feel im not study properly..even i take book to study my mind nt to set for studies but my inner feelings told study study study
i feel so guilty if my frnd asking doubt to other person in front of me no one can speak wit me properly and i feel so bad about my studies so i hate my self so worstly.
I feel like a constant failure. I was the prime target for my mother's emotional abuse in our home. She openly favoured my brother, even to this day - I'm 45 years old. I had to meet all of her demanding expectations, otherwise I was shut out and denied affection. My mother never believed anything I ever had to say, and she would always believe others over me. It was easy for my brother to blame me for stuff and my mother would punish me (because she always believed him... according to her, all I ever did was lie).
I married a man who was abusive. I divorced him and he used the kids to continue wielding his abuse for the past 15 years - always holding me accountable for his problems and constantly looking for proof that I was the problem in everything (especially in our marriage)... and trying to convince our kids of the same.
I married a 2nd time and my 2nd husband dumped all his emotional angst onto me, too... and so did his ex-wife. Suddenly, I found myself being blamed for all of their problems, too! After 6 years I left the marriage. With that, my 1st ex-husband used my "failed" marriage (as he called it) in his court papers to try to prove (yet again) that I'm the problem in everything. To this day, he continues to set-up situations whereby, if I don't do what he wants, he uses it as an example to our kids that I'm "difficult" and that they're not getting what they want because of me. My 2nd husband and his ex-wife did the same thing.
I feel like a horrible parent. I have done my best to protect my kids, but I was alone in trying to protect myself. My mother was of no help in this regard (she was one of my abusers) until I ended up in the hospital after a suicide attempt - the 3rd attempt in my life. The 1st time she didn't know about (she just would have made me feel bad about it anyway). The 2nd time, a friend of mine called her to let her know I was in the hospital and she told my friend that I was just looking for attention and hung up on her - she didn't even visit or check up on me after I was released. The only reason she became concerned the 3rd time, was because my 1st ex-husband waited 3 days to let her know I was in the hospital, and when he spoke to her about it, he told her I was crazy. Something about the word "crazy" set her off and she rushed home from her trip. My mother tells everyone my business.
My son is angry because of my 2nd divorce. "I" ruined everything for him. It didn't matter that my 2nd husband would actively ignore me for weeks and sometimes months on end... I took away his family by leaving. My son is now into drugs and continues to demand that tolerate his behaviours (in my home). I kicked him out. I simply can't deal with it anymore... and somehow, I already know that this, too, will be blamed all on me. He will blame me. His dad will blame me. So what's the point?
My mother accepted any responsibility for her abuse on me. I was trained to take the blame... and so the only way I know how to stop the pain of the blame-game, is to cut people out of my life. Funny... my 1st ex-husband ridicules me for that, too!
I feel like I'm here on this earth to be everyone's target, so that they never have to face themselves. But where does that leave me? It leaves me feeling worthless and suicidal.
Thank you for listening.
Thanks for sharing Jane. I'm so sorry you are sad. I can relate very much as I just went through a divorce...child custody battle...dealt with emotional and financial abuse. It's hard. Sometimes you just have to love yourself...to help yourself...and others. Put your hand on your heart, show compassion for yourself, say to yourself -- I love you. Its a miracle that we are here. No doubt about that. Find peace in the everyday miracles...your body...all of the wonders around us...by just observing. I used to hate giving my dog a bath. But now I enjoy it. I try to soak every pleasure in. And...when people say rude things....blame me...etc....realize that the words themselves can't hurt you....if you don't let them in. Imagine yourself in your car, it's raining, the raindrops hitting the windshield are those blaming you...uncaring words...now turn on your wipers -- SWISH them AWAY....Seriously...try that...with practice...it really works. Then....when alone...and you realize you didn't let those words bother you....SMILE. Love yourself. You are a beautiful person. In my divorce, I have regrets. I apologized...I didn't want my marriage to end. I pleaded. But after a while, I realized there was nothing I could say or do. It hurts. But, I care about my two daughters. It hurts that they are not with me full time. But I try to enjoy every moment with them. My oldest daughter can be rude at times. It hurts. But she's 17....really not mature yet. She will learn. I will try to lead by example. Love yourself. Soak in all of lifes pleasures. It won't be perfect. You will still hurt sometimes. We all do....everyone does. But as we get older we can appreciate even more all the miracles around us. Also....forgive others. Believe me...this is hard. But you are doing this for yourself. No, it's not easy. Its something to practice constantly. But its worth it. A better more satisfying life....by caring for yourself....is worth it. God Bless and Good Luck Jane.
I work for emotionially abusive people . I'm a home health aide. I try to be undertanding because the adult daughter high funtioning special needs but if anything goes wrong the daughter points the finger at me. I does make me feel like i am a kid again getting blamed for something i did not do. I have another job never got a promtion but the pay is good . I feel like a failure. Sometimes i wish i were dead or someone else. Both my jobs are part time. I am trying to find full time or another part time to get out of the aide job
Dear Jane.
I don't know if you believe in God or not but He loves you no matter what you or anyone else thinks about you. I too have suffered my adult son turning on me for my faith in Jesus. The enemy ( Satan) will do all he can to make you feel worthless. That's a huge lie! When you accept Jesus as your Lord of your life He accepts you warts and all. He is healing me after years of abuse and I know He longs to do the same for you too. I have finally surrendered everything in my life to Him as I can't do it in my own strength. It probably sounds like a cliche but give it all to God and trust Him to see you through. He will do it! Don't let anyone make you feel like you're worthless cause you're not. Please read Jeremiah 29:11-14. God has a plan for you Jane. Do you really think He would want you to take your own life? No way! He sent His Son Jesus to die for you He loves you that much! ( John 3:16) Hang in there Jane! Give it ALL to God. Your fears doubts low self esteem your family hopes dreams- surrender it all in faith and trust and see what He will do! I mean it Jane. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. God wants to turn this all around for your good and He will if you let Him! God bless you! Alana.
Jane, sugarcube, even though I've never met you in person, I think you are a women worth fighting for.
And if I ever meet your "husbands" I'll give them the finger and ask them why in the name of all things good did they want to hate you.
It WILL get better soon, I promise.