Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I really needed to read this I felt so alone by my self an kept blamming my girl friend for it I felt un loved un wanted u felt ugly i felt like noone was here for all becouse of my dad an mom aren't here I blame my srlf I call my self stupid I try killing my self becouse I feel unwanted I thank you guys alot for helping me every time I feel this way imma read this thabks
I really need help :/. I've been like this since I was 12 or so maybe before. As long as I've had realized thoughts outside of being a child. I hate myself
On a level that is overwhelming. I'm 20 goin on 21. So for the last decade I've felt alone. I know I'm ugly, I don't see myself as attractive. I constantly stare at mirrors and always hate the reflection staring me back. This may sound dramatic, but I've never had a girlfriend. My whole life I've looked for a companion, someone to call mine, to feel loved but no one has wanted me. And I've tried, many many times, finding people I feel a connection with and hoping they do too. I'm a very good person, loving, kind, I have to malice or conciedeness in me. I just don't wanna be alone anymore. A whole life alone is not a life worth living. And I know it's because of my looks. I'm not cute and no matter what I am, the sweet person doesn't matter if no one could get past the way I look. I mean I truly believe I would have had easily got someone to feel the same for me
If I was attractive, and as such I've tried so Hard in vain. As I'm getting older now I feel like look worse and worse. I don't know what to do, I'm
Heavily considering plastic surgery, to feel
Better because I know it's not goin to go away. And I don't wanna live like this :/ thanks for listening
Please know that you are loved and are cared for. TheHopeLine is always here for you. Please call or chat with one of the HopeCoaches at 800.394.4673 or to chat go to http://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp. Never, never give up on yourself.
you know if you really look at JZ, he is really not that attractive. So attractiveness doesn't necessarily get the girl. But taking an interest in your look and self-confidence does work.
From time to time I type into Google "How to deal with hating yourself". I read the articles, read the comments & then move on for I never truly find the answer.
I truly despise myself. I feel I don't deserve friends, caring family or any happiness in life at all. I constantly battle the darkness that I have inside and my family has seen how it pulls me into a state of sadness and depression. I always am able to come out of it and put on the mask of the loving husband and father. As I get older though, it becomes harder every day. The battle truly wears you down over the years and eventually it will be lost.
The only thing that keeps me going is the sense of duty that I have to my family. No matter what I feel about myself, my sense of duty always prevails. When my children move on and I'm no longer needed, then I can stop fighting and let my darkness finally win.
Do I believe in God? ABSOLUTELY! I've had enough God sightings in my life to make me a true believer. Do I believe I deserve to be saved? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It doesn't matter what good I do in life and I will NOT have my darkness affect other souls.
For all whom are fighting the same demons that I am, I truly feel sorry for you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Just remember that no matter how bad you feel inside, your family comes before anything else. Let them be the light that you fight for. It can get you through the day.
I will add one final item. I have never posted, shared my thoughts or discussed my view points before. Maybe after 24 years of fighting in silence, something has finally broken through.
I apologize if I have offended anyone with what I've said. It was not my intent.
You have not me at least... but i have felt and am going through that feeling right now of feeling worthless, not good enough.. ect... I am a believer, and am saved and I have seen changes in me enough to believe god is changing me... for i despise the world not humans per say. But when I see how bad the world is getting, children abused, women raped, kidnapped, rise in violence, materialism. I wish I was never born. I would have rather been an angel with no will of my own and to serve god in all his glory and be his loving servant rather than a human full of sin and a free will...i would gladly trade my life and free will to have never been born and have been an angelic being serving god than to live on this earth... my life has been chaos since I was born, as a catholic raised i used to feel god hated me so much that he let me suffer physical, mental sexual abuse from my father, than my mother died when i was 3, my stepmother was an abusive person, burned my brother hands on a stove heater, for being hungry and getting into the peanut butter, that is the kind of child hood I came from...all my life I have had things happened to me. NOw I can say I have been blessed my second marriage with a loving husband and he adopted my two girls, my first husband was an alcoholic and extremely jealouse, physically abusive and emotionally. Atfter 10 years i finally divorced him and then a year later met my now husband. I have felt the love of god and christ's redeeming love. I have seen changes in myself for the best but I still at times especially when I get so upset at injustice done on others i just cry and I cannot understand why humans can be so evil causing pain on others. I know there is a purpose ... I do not question god i do not blame god I blame humans. I wish god had destroyed Eve when she disobeyed god in the garden of eden and had created another woman for adam an obedient god fearing woman... I would have destroyed all humanity during NOah's day.. i would have not left one human alive... I am so sorry but sometimes I feel this way. I ask Jesus to fill me with the fruit of the holy spirit, to transform me from glory to glory.. I know I am saved because of the blood of Christ. At the cross and when I get angry i am so passionate about my feelings about wishing justice that I am so ashamed about my sin in anger... that I feel I am a stupid, silly, childish and scum because I do not know how to help others outside my home. I raised my daughters with morals, love as i knew it because i really did not know what it was to be loved. But I just knew I would treat my daughters with kindness and love and godly discipline. o They turned out decent good god fearing young ladies. But I still feel so worthless.... your not alone...
"Do I believe in God? ABSOLUTELY! I've had enough God sightings in my life to make me a true believer. Do I believe I deserve to be saved? ABSOLUTELY NOT. It doesn't matter what good I do in life and I will NOT have my darkness affect other souls."
“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
This could have been written by me except I have become a not so loving wife & mother. Most all the posts on here could have as well. And as you, I have never posted before either.
I feel the same exact way. I just go through the motions of life and dealt with raising children, working multiple jobs etc. out of my sense of duty. I'm not basking in my misery in front of everyone. I try to keep myself busy all the while I know the darkness that lurks beneath me. I would never wish this on anyone. Like you I have only recently posted because I feel something is breaking inside of me.
I am almost 61. My entire life I have struggled with feeling not good enough. I am about at the end of my strength to endure the pain any longer. I am married (again) going on 12 years. We are so completely opposite in every possible way it is beyond comprehension. I've tried to be a people pleaser my entire life and in the process have lost myself. I know there is this person inside who is screaming to be happy but all that has eluded me. I'm in a job/career that I've been in most of my entire life and the pain of facing each day is to the point of wanting to be dead. The pressing responsibility of continuing to be a good provider and forsaking everything that I really want to be has created a hell hole of entrapment. All I want to do is run away and hide or die. I am such a miserable failure I can't deal with it anymore.
Thank you for sharing that, you are brave and I know you are helping people by sharing your thoughts. Thank you!
why is it that when I read what is written it makes sense, but I still single myself out as different. I am so tired of looking at myself in the mirror that it makes me sick . I am a 44 yr old single female that will never find a mate because I never feel someone could actually love me. So why do I continue? I know it is a catch 22- i hate myself, so therefore noone else can love me, and that makes me hate myself even more, and so on....
Girl, just look at yourself in the mirror, and listen to "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars, then you'll see what losers the guys that rejected you are.
You're amazing the way you are, don't forget it. 🙂
Well me too,,I never have relation never date someone,I'm unwanted I'm an entity that's what I feel,yes I'm virgin but I just tired to change that,,I don't care anymore now I'm avoiding my family they always ask me when I will bring a girl home or whatsoever I just keep working and working for my excuse,,I know its scary when my sister and brother got married and soon my younger brother will,,it feels like "damn what about me", whenever I tried to approach girls they always avoid me,it's not their fault I have a very scary intimidating face that can even scare away the bad guy and it is a fact!,,I just want to disappear and if there's a God he will have to beg my forgiveness
I was on here because I am having very negative thoughts about myself. Your post made me think about things. Maybe you shouldn't worry so much about finding a mate. You are independent and there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe embrace your independence and enjoy your freedom. I was married 22 years , I in some ways was a good wife but I also made awful,stupid,immature, etc... decisions while married, so did my husband. Instead of ending our marriage we carried on as if normal. I enabled his bad behavior (by ignoring and groveling and blaming myself) and we both went on, he ignored or overlooked my very bad decisions . Until when he took on a much younger woman, he actually told me, that he still loved me and only saw her once every 6 months.( like that was ok,normal) . The light finally went off, and there is much more to the story, but at that point , I realized all these years I was actually rewarding this behavior. Now even at my older age I hate myself. But I think being away from him is better. I have met single women who love the independence, I am learning from myself and them to embrace it . I'm still a work in progress though.
I don't know. I feel like my self hatred is justified.I have let procrastination and laziness take over my life. My house is a mess, my car is a mess. I no longer have anyone to tell me what to do or to judge me, so i only do what passes me, like a child. I work full time but I feel like that's all I do. I signed up for classes to finish my associates I got one bad grade and decided to give up/slack off. I'm ashamed of myself. I hate everyone and despise their happiness. I suppose that'd mean I'm selfish, spiteful and bitter. I don't like using depression as an excuse. I don't have motivation to make things better. I procrastinate my life away and stall things until ours to late to do them anymore. This is why i hate myself.
in contrast to you yet still the same I am all together. I have a great job, make a great living, have fabulous friends, an awesome son, yet I still see myself as a failure. How does that work?
That's exactly how I am and how I feel. Reading this comment made me feel better, I guess misery does love company. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I hope you know you're not alone and we can change, to be the person we want to be.
I hate myself in the same way. I'm the same as you. Except I have no job. And I don't want any. I have no plans or desires. I just want to leave this stupid place. I hate everyone and I hate myself the most.
exactly how i feel too! i'm almost addicted to the procrastination of things to where the opportunity expires. i know the whole time what needs to be done and think of it it constantly and obsessively even leading to palpitations. i dont know if it is my way of proving im no good for anything or what... but i cant stop or control feeling like this. it has got so bad now i have not seen over half my closest relations for 2 years, it just goes round getting worse each day, i know they think im selfish for it and think i can just pull myself together but it gets harder each day to then remake contact due to the shame of leaving it so long. i also have lost all friends i once had and im on meds but cant face cbt etc. oh.