Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate to Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.
I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
I lost my big brother and now I feel empty and alone he was my best friend we would always go out together I didn't rrly have my parents growing up but now all they do is bring me down some time I feel like I should be in my brothers place instead of me
whoever wrote this website....thank you.
Just...thank you.
You made me feel loved and worth something, when I am such a bad person.
like there's hope for me.
Thank you so much.
Hi Danny,After reading your comment i see myself few years ago.I exactly had the same mind set.I wanted to end my life but i was not that courageous and most importantly because it was a sin.So my daily prayer was "Lord please kill me because i cant do it and thank you".I used to do this and never got anything.Then i started to do some research on this.I found this article on the net and it changed the way i think.I bookmarked it and now feel like sharing it with you.Please read it once.
http://www.revelation.co/2011/07/16/god-please-kill-me-now-i-wish-i-was-never-born-do-you-ever-feel-like-dying/
I'm a believer and so giving my thoughts in that context.The greatest people of the Bible "Moses,Job,Elijah,Jonah" prayed the exact prayer i did.I was really surprised.So we're not alone brother.They all asked God to kill them because they didnt want to commit suicide.
But God never answered single one of them because God didn't like that prayer.Then i realized even God wont kill me when i want.He'll take me when he wants to.So i stopped thinking when God will take me.
When i get difficulties i compare myself with Job.A rich man with beautiful family.Lost everything in one day.All dead,got boils,became like a beggar but still thanked God? Well i get encouraged by that.Even though i have difficulties i'm gonna face them.And about your difficulties you'll have to bear them because we live in a cursed world my friend,but remember God will help you overcome.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
So brother give up that thought of dying because God wants you to live until he wants you to come home.God bless you and have a good life my dear 🙂
Thanks very much for your response. It was encouraging to me to know that the "greats" all felt the same way... I am in no way a "great" but it is good to know I'm not alone. Thank you again
Thank you that was very moving
Hi sfm.I was born in 1988.I agree with you on the thought that life started degrading after 90's.It's my personal view and i believe in Bible and it says in Matthew 24:12 that "Because of increase of wickedness".So basically the peace is lost as days progress.You hear and see acts of violence,hate,obscene acts etc.But we cant change all that.Once Mahatma Gandhi told "The change we wish to see in the world should be in ourselves".So we cant change the world we only need to change the way we see it by asking God for help.
I passed this phase once about which you say like my life was back then and nostalgia stuff.I was really stuck and depressed and i sought help.One person told me "Nostalgia is a dangerous place.If you keep thinking too much about it you'll never appreciate the present.ever.So even though the present may be not as beautiful as past but still thank God for the beautiful past and dont think much about it and thank for the present and live the moment' Then i changed my views and it helped me friend.
"Look back in satisfaction,Look forward in confidence and thank God for the breath we take which he breathed into us".Wish you a Good life my firend 🙂
Nicole,
It takes courage to reach out for help and we want you to know that you are not alone. You can chat with a HopeCoach 24/7 or sign up for an email mentor. The conversation is free, confidential and non-judgemental. You can keep talking to your mentor as long as you like and there is never a fee. Talking about your struggles, decisions and fears is better than not talking about them. Click on this link to chat or sign up for an email mentor. https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/